9 months and counting....

[pocky_biscuz]

It's hard to believe that it's been almost 9months since i started NC....although we had brief contacts over the course, i still consider it as NC cuz to me, it wasn't even a real contact. Just very short like a coupel of sentences emails to exchange pleasantries. Memories of him are fading but it's sad to say only the good ones are left. I still dream and think about him often but that sad crying feeling is almost gone. I can safely look at his pictures without breaking down. I only felt indifferent. Only the good memories makes me sour. The bad things is however, i developed a phobia of guys who has feelings for me. If i sense even a bit of feeling that a guy might have for me, i began to gap and might even throw up. The thought of being with another guy makes me feel this way too. *sigh* I don't think i could trust another guy again. It was my first relationship so the scars are really really bad. They say the first one always first the most but eventually you'll get over it. I hope i can get past that too. Time heals everything..........but how long will that take??

 

At the very least, i've gone to really want him back to indifference. When people ask me if he asks to get back together, i can say NO now. At least not now. but the future is uncertain............that's all i can say.

 

just some random rant.......that's all. wonder if you people are feeling the same way as i do.

[jchan]

Yep, I feel for you there. We all go through these stages, I know it sucks right now, how you still feel for them from time to time, how the thoughts of them still linger in your memory. But soon enough, memories will have to fade, you will move on. Right now you're in defensive mode, you're pretty much afraid/disgusted with the dating scene. Time will allow that to pass. Soon enough you'll be ready to date again, have fun, but be wise enough to keep your guard up when necessary.

 

I'm in that stage right now, defensive, starting to allow myself to feel again. (I was betrayed, my trust was gone) I've gone on several dates with a few girls, and yes I was quite disgusted with them. But a friend made me realize that you can't be so righteous and be so idealistic, that you should just go out there and have fun instead.