Should I come forward, or is it too late?

[Sputnik]

When I was about thirteen, my parents went on a business trip for two weeks. They left my older sister and I in the care of a close family friend named "Wayne." Wayne is a pleasant, cheerful, plump guy in his forties who is excellent with children, so he seemed to be the ideal choice to take care of us.

 

One night, I was playing a computer game in my room. Wayne came inside to watch me and sat on a chair behind me. He gave me a hug... and his hands lingered, and slid downwards. I was scarcely into my teens and was right in the bloom of puberty, and I had just begun to "sprout." He cupped my breasts and began to fondle me.

 

I had never even been kissed before! This made me pretty uncomfortable, and I squirmed out of his grasp. He touched me again, but stopped soon. I don't know how far he would have gone if I hadn't shown him that I was uncomfortable. Bear in mind that my shirt and bra were on, but nonetheless, it was a form of sexual abuse.

 

The rest of the two weeks went fine, and my parents came home from their trip shortly after the incident. I never told them. I'm seventeen now and still in contact with Wayne. We've never mentioned the incident to each other (or anyone else), and he never did it again. I haven't told anyone about my experience until now.

 

What should I do? Should I tell anyone, or stay quiet? It was four years ago, but sometimes I still feel uncomfortable when my boyfriend touches my breasts. He and I have been together for most of a year and we trust each other a lot, but I can't bring myself to talk about it with him and betray Wayne like that.

 

Thanks for any advice you can offer me.

Sputnik

[melrich]

This is so difficult to offer advice on.

 

The reality is that this happened 4 years ago, the guy is a trusted family friend, you are likely to get pushback, the authorities may be unwilling to pursue due to the time factor, it's you word against his etc.

 

For all that I think you need to tell your parents and report it to the authorities. I am not sure it will lead to prosecution but who knows what danger this guy may present to other children.

 

Over and above all of that is you. This obviously is causing you difficulties and you have probably repressed many of the true emotions you have concerning this incident. Telling your parents will help. Being free to get some professional counselling will help more.

 

What this guy did was wrong and you should not confuse that with your loyalties to him. Mostly you need to confront this for you.

[Managor]

I agree that seeing a counsellor is a good idea, since for good reason this is something that's still affecting you a great deal. You might want to think about telling a close friend as well, as telling family members something like this, especially when they're friends with the man, seems like it would be very difficult.

 

If you decided to take it to the authorities, it might be the case that, out of guilt, he admits to it, though I really have no idea how a case like this would be treated, 4 years after it happened. You should do whatever you think will help you.

[BellaDonna]

I think you should talk to a counselor about it, and also tell your parents to determine the next course of action.

 

Wayne is a pleasant, cheerful, plump guy in his forties who is excellent with children, so he seemed to be the ideal choice to take care of us.

 

 

If others perceive him this way, then it is easy for him to victimize someone else. For that reason alone, I would almost feel a responsiblity to speak out about what happened to you.

 

He may have only done it once to you- but that's one time too many. Had you been more of an easy target and didn't resist him- he probably would have continued to victimize you. He probably figured it would be too much trouble to abuse you because you might let his secret out. That doesn't mean he has not or will not do that to someone else, who doesn't have the same stength/assertiveness that you did.

 

 

BellaDonna

[snowgirl]

Can you talk to your parents about this first? That would be what I would do, I think. The time means very little, you were a young girl and were not sure how to process that information. Now you are. It is bothering you and affecting your life. And as BellaDonna pointed out, it's something that he could do to other kids.

 

Have a talk with your parents about it. Tell them what you just told us.

[Sputnik]

Thank you all so much for your advice -- it means a lot.

[Managor]

That's what this place is for I really hope you can get yourself through this

[mccarleighp]

u dont want to tell your boyfriend because u dont want to betray wayne dont u think that he betrayed u doing what he none i really think that u should try to tell your bf even if u only feel like u can do it in a letter if he knows then he can try to understand a bit more y u dont always want him to touch u