she attempted to call me

[Sobo]

So, its sunday.. and I kept myself busy for the most part of the day, then in the evening i got a little sad, then my phone rang, and it was her, I did not pick up, but as it was ringing i started getting butterflies feeling in my stomach, but I guess it's good that i didn't answer, so now what do I do?

 

I am sorta waiting for a message, but I doubt I will get one,

We have been going NC for about 2 weeks now, what would she want to talk about with me? Last time I had any type of contact with her, I looked at her msn name, it was about her getting drunk, and that's when i remembered why I blocked her, and put her in a different group so I could not see when she was online.

 

So what is my next move here...

 

Do i even consider calling her, like in a day or so....

or do I continue to do NC, even if she calls again?

[CluelessGuy321]

continue NC and go meet new people

[HardShowingAffection]

I guess that depends on what you want out of the situation. If you are hoping to reconcile, that is one thing. If you want to move on, I wouldn't call her. I she dumped you, and is calling now, you have to determine what you want.

 

If you were to call her, and she wanted to talk about your relationship, what would you do? Would you want to get back together? Were the issues that caused you to break up addressed by both parties? You don't want to fall back into things and have the same thing happen to you, because then you are back at square one.

[nicorette]

yes, what exactly do you want from this? its a good thing you didnt asnwer the phone, but if she calls a couple more times id say answer it, that is if you want to reconcile. who knows why she is calling, right? if she isnt calling to reconcile, tell her you dont want to talk to her unless she wants to reconcile, then go complete NC.

[Orlander]

Sobo, I read your original thread regarding your ex

 

I think you may be hoping for some kind of reconciliation. I know its hard to give up on someone you dated and loved so much. Follow your heart, but ask yourself what would be the best thing for you to do. Just be kind to yourself and try not to put too much additional hurt on yourself.

 

Keep us posted. We are here for you.

 

 

Orlander

[friscodj]

Did she leave a message? If so, what did she say?

 

If not, this never happened...

[hpsowce]

I made sure my ex was aware I was initiating a period of NC, I told her I still loved her and wanted her back so the only time I wanted to hear from her was if she changed her mind about the relationship. Sounds a bit soppy but I had to make sure she knew I would take her back if she thought she'd made a mistake just for my own piece of mind. Anyway, I told her I would be the one to contact her when I had sorted myself out, she accepted this and it's been 1 week of NC so far.

 

Maybe that's something you could try? You need to tie up all the loose ends first and if you want to reconcile you need to make sure you tell her you are doing this for yourself not to hurt her. You may have done this already but if you have and she's still trying to contact you for other reasons I would have to consider totally blanking her, some people need that confidence boost of knowing someone still cares about them, whether those feelings are reciprocated or not. You're not there to boost her confidence and make her feel better - you have to do what's right for you.

[mikeca]

thats the thing after a break up, you have to stop putting her/him first..and put yourself for a change.

[Sobo]

See I don't know what I want right now, like i keep thinking what would I say eve if she said she wants to get back together. I want to say that I would jump at the chance, but I honestly would have to think a lot about it. The past few days I have had a good time, going out a lot, meeting some knew people, and I keep thinking, geez if i was with her, there is no way I would be doing this, a sorta of freedom I guess, it's nice, and I have more time to focus on myself, working out, keeping up with the family, and friends. So I don't think I want her back into my life just yet. I don't know if I want to be friends with her just yet either, bc if that happens then it will throw a giant kink into things.

 

I figure I will not talk to her for a little while longer, so I can figure things out, maybe a week, maybe a month, I don't know, unless she keeps calling, then i'll call her and tell her that I don't want to talk to her.

[Orlander]

Just do what makes you happy Sobo. It seems like you already have a good idea of what makes you happy. Just be strong and give yourself P L E N T Y of time to heal and figure out what you really want.

 

Keep posting if you want. We are here for you.

 

 

Orlander

[HardShowingAffection]

Sobo, it is definitely good that you are taking the time to do those things for yourself. ONe thing that you will have to realize to, is that even if you reconnected with your ex, you still have to maintain a balance in your relationship.

 

You feel good about what you are doing now. You enjoy going out with friends and family. You shouldn't be cutting all those ties when you have a gf. I admit, I have done the same, it almost seems like you enjoy doing everything with your partner. But I feel that it can put a strain on the relationship. Too much pressure on one another to make each other happy, and when things are rough, they get escalated. You need those friends, and your family in your life all the time!

 

Take this time as you are, to find you... to make you happy. IF she does call you again, or you do make contact, and choose to reconcile, recognize the destructive patterns in your relationship and resolve them! Knowing you and your needs will help establish a healthier relationship. Work on maintaining that balance. You don't have to be at each others' sides every minute of the day.

 

Relationships are weird... you are never really taught how to handle them, and it seems to be a big live and learn event. My solution was to read up... I have read a ton, and it has helped me see a ton. I will go into my next relationship a much more knowledgable individual, and have a whole lot more to offer... I would recommend the same to everyone who has run into problems.

 

Good Luck, and keep us posted!

[Sobo]

I understand what you are saying, we did everything together, and we were in contact everyday it seems, and from many people we heard, you guys will get bored of each other, from both my parents and my friend who is in a relationship. We thought, nah, we are different, were perfect for each other, we'll never get sick of each other.

 

Now i think I would not want to go back to that, I mean as I look back on it, yes i did hang out with friends, and my family, a limited amount, and I really never felt like i was free to do as I wished, now i can go out whenever my buddies ask, stay out whenever without caring what another person is thinking, or have a second thought of "uh oh, i shouldn't be doing this etc."

That being said, I still love her, and yes hanging out with her was fun, but at this point in my life, I feel as thought I don't need to be tied down to anyone, I am 19 and am supposed to be having the time of my life, not ssitting around watching movies on a couch, i should be going out, having a good time, doing stupid things, but I don't want to live life and look back on it thinking I wish i did something different, these things happen for a reason, yes when it happened i was crushed, and even today was a crappy morning, but I look at it as a "awakening" of me, no longer an "us" it's me! I can focus on me, b/c the entire time I was with her it has been "us" and I did everything for and with her.

 

I have to figure out when I am ready for her again, as a friend. Right now i know that I will not be able to be just friends with her, things will get in the way, I also don't want to just have sex with her either, i am scared that will happen, I've heard from friends that it is not a good idea, so i'll try and stay away from it.

 

Thanks for all the help guys