My girlfriend...

[Fusion]

So, this about my girlfriend. I guess I just want to talk to somebody about her, possibly get advice about anything if anybody can give it, or just tell me what you think of the relationship, etc. Basically she's - well, I don't know. It's hard to explain, you see. Normally I'd post in a very organised/logical manner, but I'm more letting my thoughts flow, so this may get untidy. But yeah.

 

Let's start with the basic facts.

 

1) It's a cyber-relationship currently. I'm posting it in this board because I feel that this is mostly irrelevant.

2) We've told each other that we're in love.

3) We're both 17. Indeed, young, I know.

4) We've known each other since around January. We've become close very quickly. We talk all day on AIM, or play various online games together. So we're almost always with each other.

5) We've recently started talking on the phone.

6) She's coming here (UK) in the summer (from Poland) for a few weeks to visit me.

 

Basically she's the nicest person anyone could ever ask for sometimes. She shows lots of love and trust, etc. But she has these mood swings incredibly frequently, in which she often hurts me or is malicious with me, or appears to not care at all, or doesn't want to talk, etc. I've talked to her about it and she says she'll never do anything to hurt me again, and yet she does. Other times, when I get hurt because of something she's done or said, she seems to try to find something to be upset about too, as though to punish me for feeling however I do, and rather than healing my feelings it's like, being forced to ignore them and cheer her up instead, or she gets angry at me, making me fear losing her because of my feelings, and thereforeeee I ignore them. It's basically the mood swings - I don't know what to do about them. And I've suddenly come over extremely tired while typing this. Perhaps I'll post more later. Thanks.

[ccgirl]

i'm sorry you're going through all of that, i'm not really good at giving advice, but i was like ur girlfriend is right now..

but my mood swings were caused by "that time of the month"

so i ask you... does thsi happen frequently? like every week or something , or is it more like, shes really nice most of the time, but then all of a sudden she changes and starts hating on you for little things, and telling you stuff that might hurt you.

Because , in my case, i always get into arguments wiht my boyfriend for stupid stuff, and i get so annoyed and frustrated that i just start saying stuff.

you should talk about it with her, tell her she's hurting you, and to stop.

Thats what my boyfriend did, and when i heard him say that, i just stopped, i realized i was really hurting him , and that just because i was 'in that time of th emonth' it didnt give me enough reason to act like that towards him.

now , what we do is that i warn him, when my period is coming, so that he knows that if i start getting all annoyed at him , i dont really mean it, and we just talk less for those days, so we dont give me enough time to get all hater and stuff..

but yeah i just wanted ot answer your post because your girlfriend might just be PMS-ing, and thats why she says those things...

i dont know maybe someone else could give you better advice..

like i said before, im not really good at this..

[Momene]

She's 17, that answers it.

 

Also you may do the same to her.

[nicorette]

She's 17, that answers it.

 

i think that although that may be true in some cases, thats extremely stereotypical and if you know so much, you'd know that not every 17 year old is moody. if you meant that teenagers go through mood swings and are finding their place, i can udnerstand, but arent most people in the world?

 

anyhow, regardless, if dealing with that is worth the "relationship" then i think you shoudl continue. however, your posting here. thats a major sign that things are in trouble and that you arent happy. if you are no longer happy, and she doesnt seem very happy (the mood swings) then i think you should end it and find a woman who isn't always is moody who lives in your country.

[Momene]

i think that although that may be true in some cases, thats extremely stereotypical and if you know so much, you'd know that not every 17 year old is moody. if you meant that teenagers go through mood swings and are finding their place, i can udnerstand, but arent most people in the world?

 

anyhow, regardless, if dealing with that is worth the "relationship" then i think you shoudl continue. however, your posting here. thats a major sign that things are in trouble and that you arent happy. if you are no longer happy, and she doesnt seem very happy (the mood swings) then i think you should end it and find a woman who isn't always is moody who lives in your country.

 

Sorry it was a bit but then perhaps it was a short reply. You're right in that even being 3 times older, my place in the world isn't totally settled.

 

My main point about young people is that, in addition to finding their place in the world, most are also inexperienced in relationships and don't know how to behave. I also think LDRs are difficult at ANY age but must be harder on the young.

[Fusion]

She's 17, that answers it.

 

Also you may do the same to her.

I do not. I literally do everything I can for her, go out of my way to do the slightest nice thing for her, all the time. ;o

 

Many thanks for the helpful replies. I will see how it goes and perhaps add to this at a later date.

[Momene]

I do not. I literally do everything I can for her, go out of my way to do the slightest nice thing for her, all the time. ;o

 

Many thanks for the helpful replies. I will see how it goes and perhaps add to this at a later date.

 

I'm afraid, Fusion, that going out of your way may not be the best approach. However much we love someone we should set boundaries. You're giving her the message that she can be moody and behave badly and you'll still be there.

 

I know this from my own experience of being a doormat. I've also watched my dad for 51 years. Love is a partnership of equals and she must take responsibility in that.

[Fusion]

I'm afraid, Fusion, that going out of your way may not be the best approach. However much we love someone we should set boundaries. You're giving her the message that she can be moody and behave badly and you'll still be there.

 

I know this from my own experience of being a doormat. I've also watched my dad for 51 years. Love is a partnership of equals and she must take responsibility in that.

Hmm. So what should I do when she's moody and the like, then, to make her see that she can't keep acting like that?

[Momene]

If she's moody, ask her what the problem is. It's difficult to be firm but unconfrontational but it puts the responsibility for her moodiness back in her court. She then has to justify why she's being moody. If it's not related to you then you can safely say it's not your fault so sge shouldn't take it out on you.

 

It doesn't always work but it works often enough to make it worthwhile.