help: advice needed

[wareagle57]

This girl that I've been talking to posted this song and told me to go look at it. She has a boyfriend, but I went ahead and told her I liked her. And she's told me that she's thought about liking me to, but she hasn't let herself because she has a bf. And she's told me that she needs me and all this stuff. And last night she called me because her bf was being a jerk and she was crying and wanting her help and stuff. And I wanted to tell her she should dump him, but I helped her and tried to actually help them stay together even though I really don't think htat's best. Anyway, she called me several times between talking to him and finally told me they worked everything out. But she was still upset today, and I felt like we got a lot closer today too.

 

She really wants to break up with him, I can tell. But she just can't. SHe's too nice and she's worried about what it will do to him. She converted him and he got baptized and he's had a hard life and she's changed him. And he's told her that she's all he has and he's worried about ruining his life. But she told me tonight that the next time he messes up, I'm her's. I told her it sounds to me like she's just putting off the inevitable, that she wants that to happen but she just can't do it now. She seems miserable with this guy, but she wants to give him another chance. Last night I told her what I wanted to tell her the night before. What I really thought she should do. But she just can't make herself break up with him.

 

I just got out of a 2 year relationship. We were getting married. We had a date set and everything. And she left me about 3 months ago. She said she couldn't handel a serious relationship now, and she just needed time. It killed me, I've been having to go to therapy, and I'm on anti-depressants. It doesn't help that she's still be telling she still loves me and she's still going ot marry me, and even made out with me once. But ever since last week when I decided to go for it and told her I liked her, I've been happy for the first time since we broke up. I've been just waiting and hoping and knowing we'll get back together one day. And now, I know if I had the choice, I would choose this girl hands down over my ex. I need to be in a relationship or I'm going to be miserable. My friends haven't been there for me like I need them to, (esp my best friend) and I have very few chances to get out and do something. She's the only one that's really been there for me, and I really feel like I'm over my ex now.

 

Self-Conclusion

 

Fade in, start the scene

Enter beautiful girl

But things are not what they seem

As we stand at the edge of the world

 

"Excuse me, sir,

But I have plans to die tonight

Oh, and you are directly in my way

And I bet you're gonna say it's not right"

My reply:

"Excuse me, miss

But do you have the slightest clue

Of exactly what you just said to me

And exactly who you're talking to?"

 

She said, "I don't care, you don't even know me"

I said, "I know but I'd like to change that soon, hopefully"

Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion

Of self conclusion in one simplified motion

You see the trick is that you're never supposed to act on it

No matter how unbearable this misery gets

 

"You make it sound so easy to be alive

But tell me, how am I supposed to seize this day

When everything inside me has died?"

My reply:

"Trust me, girl

I know your legs are pleading to leap

But I offer you this easy choice-

Instead of dying, living with me"

 

She said, "Are you crazy? You don't even know me."

I said, "I know, but I'd like to change that soon hopefully"

Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion

Of self conclusion in one simplified motion

You see the trick is that you're never supposed to act on it

No matter how unbearable this misery gets

 

I would be lying if I said that things would never get rough

And all this cliche motivation, it could never be enough

I could stand here all night trying to convince you

But what good would that do?

My offer stands, and you must choose

 

"All right, you win, but I only give you one night

To prove yourself to be better than my attempt at flight

I swear if you hurt me I will leap

I will toss myself from these very cliffs

And you'll never see it coming"

 

"Settle, precious, I know what you're going through

Just ten minutes before you got here I was going to jump too"

 

Yeah we all flirt with the tiniest notion

Of self conclusion in one simplified motion

You see the trick is that you're never supposed act on it

No matter how unbearable this misery gets

 

-the spill canvas

[Relationship Coach]

WE,

You can look at this two ways: 1) This new girl has showed you that you are capable of having feelings again and now you have put your ex in the past.

 

2) Are you sure you want to get caught up in this triangle with the new girl? Back off and stop being her friend or you may get locked in to the "friend zone" and blow any chance of having a relationship with her in the future. Until she is out of her current relationship you can't be her lifesaver. She is jumping from one relationship to another which is not healthy at all.

 

How would you feel if you were the other guy knowing another guy was waiting in the wings? Have some respect for their relationship and let her know, she will either stay with this guy or break it off out of fear of losing you. There needs to be some space between you, I know it sounds like a bad idea because you are so in to her but you have to protect yourself as well as let her make her own decisions.

 

RC

[zippitt]

First off you DO NOT need to be in a relationship in order to be happy. This is absolutely the wrong reason to jump into a relationship.

 

It sounds to me like you are still dealing with some hurt from your previous engagement. Sort this out first by being alone. It's good to have friends to talk to, but not a female who is having relationship problems of her own.

 

It will just end of with the two of you getting together because it's a convenient way to fill a void in the both of your lives. If this happens I can only assume it will end in more heartache.

 

For now I would suggest just having fun, do things you enjoy except trying to create a new relationship. Now is the best time to take care of that mental checklist you have not got around to finishing.

[Gracelove]

I don't know, maybe you need to leave her alone for a little while.

You just got out of a bad relationship and you probably need some "alone time".

Jumping out of a serious relationship into a new one isn't exactly a good thing, espicially if the person you want a new relationship with isn't available.

It's bound to get messy.

You don't want to be the "other man". If she isn't ready to break up with her boyfriend, and you really want to be with her.....then you'll have to wait until she is able to break up with him.

If you have romantic conversations with her while she's involved with someone else, you'll be the one to get hurt.

It sounds like you have good intentions.

It sounds like you genuinely want to help her, which is why (I'm guessing), you told her she should stay with her boyfriend to begin with.

If you believe that her boyfriend is not a good person, it's fine for you to express that.....as a friend.

I don't think it's good to build up hopes of being in a relationship with this girl so soon.

I'm sure you still have things to work out regarding your 2-year relationship and engagement.

Asking someone to spend the rest of their life with you is no small thing.

I'm sure you were sincere, and she appearently accepted.

Then she changed her mind.

 

That's a lot for a person to deal with, especially when it only happened 3 months ago.

 

If you find that you are getting too attached to her, maybe you should refrain from contacting her for a little while, at least not so frequently.

[Momene]

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but I recently read a post from someone at the other point in the triangle where he wanted the other bloke to back off to give him a chance with his girlfriend. If you are ready to move on with someone else, then this girl isn't the right one for you.

 

There's plenty of girls out there who could be for you, as long as you kinow hoe to read the signs.