secret_agent_man Posted July 29, 2003 Share Posted July 29, 2003 Hey, folks! Thanks for everyone's great advice, you all do a wonderful job! Well, here's my dilemma. I am recently out of a 5 year relationship, including an engagement. Things are pretty cleared up right now, and I've got a level head. I am comfortable being alone, but I get bored not having a close female friend. There's just something about 'em! So, I spend a lot of time at this local restaraunt, and there are a few waitresses with wonderful smiles. The kind of smiles that just brighten your week, ya know? I know that a few of them are flirting, but I don't want to lead them on, and I can't help but giving them the old "eye-contact". Every time we make eye contact, this one just busts into the biggest, cutest smile... I think you know where I'm going with that. BUT, I'm really just looking for a friend to hang out with, talk, whatever. If it goes somewhere, so be it. If not, no loss... 8) How do I approach this situation and not make anyone upset? The only way I'm used to getting to know a female is through flirting and hitting on them... Plus, they're so busy running around, they don't have much time to talk while they're working... How do I start a good "non-risky" friendship? Thanks in advance, guys and gals! S.A.M. Link to comment
charmed Posted July 29, 2003 Share Posted July 29, 2003 Hey SAM ! Good to hear you are getting your head together there ! Now you find yourself in the opposite situation !!! I guess that you just act totally normally. It's not much different to what you are probably doing though is it. I mean - if you are looking for a girl buddy, then you shouldn't be worried about the girl wanting more before you are buddies (though it sounds like the girl in the diner might want more !) Lets say that you are working in the diner, and the girl comes in, and you are smiling at her all the time when you eye each other up - do you think that she would write off any friendly relationship because she suspects you are attracted to her? I doubt it. I know what you are getting at though - and it's a simple case of not leading the girl on. You could have one of those girls as a friend without them gettting more if you wanted - hell you could have both of them as friends - and if they try it on, and you are not happy - then they run off or they stay and you become close. It's not easy when us guys have been doing all the chasing all the time is it !!! To fend off the female to set her as a friend does seem a bit out of our nature doesn't it ! +Charmed+ Link to comment
secret_agent_man Posted July 29, 2003 Author Share Posted July 29, 2003 Charmed, Thanks, as usual I appreciate the response. I guess it is unlike a guy to just want a friendship, and I'm not ruling anything out. My ex and I left on good terms and the door is still open if things are different in the future. I guess I don't want to jump into anything serious unless I really know it's worth it, like it could go somewhere. That's sort of why I want to start slow, with a solid friendship... I have a real problem with trusting people's pasts. I guess I'm always afraid of trusting someone and then finding out they are someone else altogether... Follow? So that's why I want to take it slow, just feel out the situation. Thanks again... S.A.M. Link to comment
charmed Posted July 29, 2003 Share Posted July 29, 2003 Trusting peoples pasts is becoming an issue for me too to be honest ! Especially in this day and age. You don't know where people have been, and what people have been doing. You are right and I know what you mean though - no rushing into relatinoships anymore for me either! ~C~ By the way - 3 Libras was a song that got be though a bad breakup !!!! The words are great Link to comment
winkie Posted July 29, 2003 Share Posted July 29, 2003 Do you have any convo with these girls. If not maybe you can try to go in there on a day it is not busy and just ask if she or they would like to get a drink after work. I would be flattered if a guy wanted to be my friend. I am in the same boat as you as far as guys and me wanting to be there friend. That does not happen to often. I am sure if they knew your situation they would. Ya know previous engagement and everything they would not want to get involved with you right away anyway and would like to have you as a friend. I say you just be upfront and say something cute maybe ask them if they could help you find some real nice female friends. Link to comment
SweetTartz Posted July 29, 2003 Share Posted July 29, 2003 Well, speaking as an ex-waitress/hostess...we're paid to be pleasant and we're basically trained to flirt - draws in the crowd. So, I would take their "kindness" with a grain of salt - no offense. I'll be your friend Link to comment
secret_agent_man Posted July 29, 2003 Author Share Posted July 29, 2003 SweetTartz, Thanks for the other prespective! I guess that's why I'm hesitant, but one of these girls tends to be eyeing me when I'm not looking either, and she gets a little flustered when I talk to her, so I'm not sure... I guess I just have to ask, and I'll find out! It's the advice I give everyone, but I guess I just have to follow it. Thanks! S.A.M. Link to comment
SweetTartz Posted August 6, 2003 Share Posted August 6, 2003 So any luck?? What's the update?? It's slow at work...so I'm being nosy. Link to comment
secret_agent_man Posted August 13, 2003 Author Share Posted August 13, 2003 Well, no not really... we struck up some more conversations... ends up we have some mutual friends, so that was cool. The one girl was interested, but the more I talked to her, I found out I didn't like her personality a whole lot, so I didn't persue anything else... She's still got a pretty smile, either way! S.A.M. Link to comment
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