problem solving

[heloladies21]

So I was out at a bar tonight and met up with a girl who I picked up with last week. She's a friend of my brother's gf and we made out and hung out during the week where she was cuddly and all that and talked on the phone a few times. We knew each other would be there tonight. So when i got inside, it took a while for me to see her, but i eventually found her and small talk ensued, but then she started giving me the cold shoulder in favor of one of her girlfriends. I'm a big boy and can handle this sort of thing , but this kind of reaction is very common for me and i would like to find a way around it. Saying it's her fault or just forget about her isn't going to work for me anymore, because i see too many people not getting into these problems so I know there is a problem that can be fixed. If not more than one problem. Just nexting her will lead to me encountering this same thing over and over again, and i know this is a very hard problem to give advice on without even being able to see me or the interaction, but i need to get this fixed. I'll do whatever it takes.

 

And no "just be yourself" or "stop trying so hard." That advice has never worked for me. I'm convinced this is something I can proactively change. Any ideas please?

[itsallgrand]

Yeah, it is hard without seeing you at work.

 

What is the reaction you notice a lot? Specifically. You must have noticed a pattern. Maybe you can lay it out for us? details?

[Budman]

Honestly I hate to say it the best action is no action.

 

If she gives you the cold shoulder, go on with YOUR fun.

 

Go talk and flirt with other girls. Move the heck on (at that time)

 

It's a test man. The woman wants to see if you'll have fun without her. She wants to see how she can pull your strings!

 

Why because if you require her to have fun, you're no use to her (confidence is fake), but if she gives you the cold shoulder and you just run right off and start having a blast. You're confident and not going to be strung along.

 

Also, you have the jealousy tendancies, and you start making her wonder what's wrong with you.

 

It's basically what she is doing to you with the cold shoulder. No matter the outcome, you'll be ahead of the game. If she's really not into you, you'll be flirting with other girls, if she is into you, you'll get her trying to keep your attention again.

 

For example, if you just move on a woman will come after you.

 

I've told a woman Good luck, and buh bye, and they come right back to me with much less guff. (aka playing it straight for awhile)

 

I really do recommend Carlos Xuma's Dating Black Book.

 

Anyway, Women that are going to play games like that generally are not worth it.

[moondog627]

I've had this happen as well. My strategy has been to completely avoid these situations. My thinking is if you aren't specifically on a date then don't even roll where you know she'll be. She's probably gonna be out with friends, you may be out with friends, and this early on, and maybe even later on, it's best for both of you to go and do your own thing on a night like this. This way you avoid all the BS games.

[heloladies21]

This is correct advice, thank you. I have downloaded xuma's ebook and will pound through all 200 pages of it asap. Any other resources would be appreciated.

[Dating Coach]

I dunno. It could have been a hundred things. Maybe she was just looking for fun one night. Maybe you came accross as desperate since as soon as you two saw each other at the party, you went right up to her and started chatting. Who knows. The best move would be to have been seen by her first talking to other people and having a blast. Let her come up to you.

 

Keep the control. That's the best way to garner respect and be seen as attractive. Most of the attraction with women isn't "thinking it out" in their head. It's a feeling they get. So by playing it cool she isn't thinking, "Oh he just showed me that he's independent and not needy" but rather she feels differently because you sent her different signals by playing it cool.

[boo121]

So I was out at a bar tonight and met up with a girl who I picked up with last week. She's a friend of my brother's gf and we made out and hung out during the week where she was cuddly and all that and talked on the phone a few times. We knew each other would be there tonight. So when i got inside, it took a while for me to see her, but i eventually found her and small talk ensued, but then she started giving me the cold shoulder in favor of one of her girlfriends. I'm a big boy and can handle this sort of thing , but this kind of reaction is very common for me and i would like to find a way around it.

 

Yeah i know that feeling. If you ever get that feeling that she is pulling back, you pull back even further. Avoid leaning in. If theres a lull point in the conversation or she gives you the cold shoulder in your case, say "catch you later" and walk away.

 

 

 

Saying it's her fault or just forget about her isn't going to work for me anymore, because i see too many people not getting into these problems so I know there is a problem that can be fixed. If not more than one problem. Just nexting her will lead to me encountering this same thing over and over again, and i know this is a very hard problem to give advice on without even being able to see me or the interaction, but i need to get this fixed. I'll do whatever it takes.

 

I take it this has happened a few times then? AH YES i think i know what it might be...

 

Do you only see one girl at a time? Do you date 1 girl, then if nothing happens, you find another 1 shortly after? Or do you go on dates with 2 or 3 girls at the same time?

 

[heloladies21]

lol this is an old thread. I got this one figured out thanks for the help though buddy.

[boo121]

AHH! YES! the date usually helps! lol

 

By the way these little tests that happen are great opportunities to show her that you are not needy. If this happened to me in a bar, I would stop, look around, and talk to the nearest girl next to me.

[heloladies21]

If this happened to me in a bar, I would stop, look around, and talk to the nearest girl next to me.

Exactly...................

[MushroomGod]

Haha funny enough, I ended up seeing the girl that I talked about in that other thread at a bar by my house. She came up and started talking to me then ignored me again. It was cool cause I just started talking to my friends then when I went to say good bye to her she gave me like the "hold on one minute" finger so I started talking to the girl right next to her and completely forgot about her. Resurrecting this old thread was helpful.