Need to build bridges and friendship... need your advice

[HomerSimpson]

I've made a big mistake and i've apologised but here's the story!

 

I kind of messed up this weekend. My feelings for this girl started building up again abit too much overtime. Don't know why I let myself get into that position. I'm even try to date other girls which I have been doing the past couple of months. I've just kept quiet about it like everything else.

 

Anyway she rang to see what am upto (what normal friends do) on sat night. We got talking and to put a long story short I kind of pushed her into going out with me… bad move. When i asked her out through friend i never got explanation why she didn't want to go out. That was 7 months ago. On saturday when she rang me... i asked her whether she had a boyfriend and she said no and replied that no one wants her. Anyway i said i don't mind going out with her and she said do i really mean that. Obviously i said yes and she replied with i don't know. She said its that we work together thats why she doesn't want to go out with me.

 

 

I mentioned was that the only reason and she responded yes and she does like me very much. So i thought... if thats the reason i guess am going to push this and see if something can happen. After couple of attempts She said yes. Sunday I felt guilty doing that I texted her apologising and seeing whether we were up for the date. She didn't want to go out with me

 

 

Am recently in the process of purchasing flat which is going too slow and really stressed me out. The date was the only good thing i was looking forward to and said few meaningful words i wish i could take back. I said that i really liked her and i thought she could be the one. i wish i never said this

 

I didn't know who to chat to and this site seems to be the only one I can tell u about this. i need some advice on how to build back the bridges and make friends with her?. We are still friends but there's this awkwardness and i recently found out she doesn't like me anymore is this because of my actions the past weekend?

[laura_5000]

The reason she doesn't like you any more could be the fact that you were coming on to strong, and seems the likely cause to me.

You have appologised for your actions, but have you explained your reasons for it? And have you explained that you don't want to lose her as a friend.

I am quite sure that if you have a talk to her an explain everything she will understand.

[HomerSimpson]

no not explained my reasons... i feel like i will be making excuses and i shouldn't have reacted the way i have. I never done something like this so kind of ashamed of what i did.

 

When i did apologise she said "

Listen don’t worry about it. It is fine.

I just want to remain friends with you, I hope that we still can be? "

[laura_5000]

no not explained my reasons... i feel like i will be making excuses and i shouldn't have reacted the way i have. I never done something like this so kind of ashamed of what i did.

 

When i did apologise she said "

Listen don't worry about it. It is fine.

I just want to remain friends with you, I hope that we still can be? "

 

So she hasn't actually said to you personally that she doesn't want to be friends?

No need to be ashamed we all make mistakes and say things we regret, I am sure if you just speak to her she will be fine.

[HomerSimpson]

thank u laura!

 

I know i shouldn't be ashamed... i'm feeling the guilt, i guess. When i usually walk down the corridor and see her looking through her office before this happened, she was always happy to see me.

 

Now when i walk down the corridor she doesn't even turn her head I guess this is going to take time for her to trust me again.

[kellbell]

Hi there Homer!

 

Perhaps you came on a little strong. But if you are friends, there is nothing wrong with going out for coffee or the like. Next time pehaps if she gives you a call, say something like "hey, I am up for a latte, how about you? Do you want to meet me at Starbucks?" Something like that. Girls usually dig a man with a plan.

 

But I remember your post from a few weeks ago and if this is the same girl you were referring to, she likes you as a friend. You cannot push her into liking you more. I would try to go out and talk to other girls. The summer is coming...no need to spend the entire summer pining over a girl whom likes you only as a friend. Life is too short my friend. Take care and good luck.

[HomerSimpson]

Thanku KellBell for your reply.

 

I found out on saturday that she does like me and does fancy me the only thing thats stopping her going out with me was we were together but in different sections of the department.

 

I guess what i learnt is that its not enough for her to change her mind!

 

No i'm not going to pine over her. She's really hard one to figure out!

[kellbell]

Perhaps her dating boundries include her NOT dating people whom she works with. I personally have that boundry for myself and have stuck to for many years. You have to respect that she sticks to her boundries. There are plenty of women out there for you to have fun with. Good luck.

[HomerSimpson]

to laura_5000 and Kellbell you're both sweet hearts for letting me rant alittle its kind of made me feel better.

 

thankU

[kellbell]

No prob Homer! You will be okay. Hang in there and take care.

[Dating Coach]

My feelings for this girl started building up again abit too much overtime.

 

 

Again? If she turned you down once before you should have respected that decision and moved on. If you could not get over liking her then you should have cut off contact to give yourself time to move on.

 

 

On saturday when she rang me... i asked her whether she had a boyfriend and she said no and replied that no one wants her.

 

 

An obvious ploy to get you to reassure her how great she is. Seriously man, how childish. You're 25? I am going to assume she is at least 21? I think she is a bit old to be playing this "Pity me" "give me attention" type game. I would have either ignored it or told her, "With a defeatist attitude like that, you're probably right." Don't play into feeding her ego by telling her she is desirable. She told you that for a reason. Kids do this kind of stuff.

 

 

Anyway i said i don't mind going out with her and she said do i really mean that. Obviously i said yes and she replied with i don't know. She said its that we work together thats why she doesn't want to go out with me.

 

 

That's an excuse. If she really wanted to go out with you then she would. You wouldn't have to try to convince her to like you or debate with each other simply to get a date.

 

 

I mentioned was that the only reason and she responded yes and she does like me very much.

 

 

BS. She simply isn't interested and she is hoping that single excuse would be enough to deter you. I bet if some big hunk at work asked her out, she would go in a heartbeat.

 

 

So i thought... if thats the reason i guess am going to push this and see if something can happen. After couple of attempts She said yes. Sunday I felt guilty doing that I texted her apologising and seeing whether we were up for the date. She didn’t want to go out with me.

 

 

Yes, you pushed when she really didn't want to. She agreed in the end to stop the pressure but I guarantee she was working out ways in her mind on how to cancel or get out of the situation.

 

 

I said that i really liked her and i thought she could be the one. i wish i never said this

 

 

I wish you hadn't either. You NEVER wear your heart on your sleave like that. It's unattractive because you present NO CHALLENGE and that is a very important part of starting and maintaining a relationship.

 

 

I didn’t know who to chat to and this site seems to be the only one I can tell u about this. i need some advice on how to build back the bridges and make friends with her?. We are still friends but there's this awkwardness and i recently found out she doesn't like me anymore is this because of my actions the past weekend?

 

It's only awkward because you can't accept being just friends. Oh you say that you can, but you have done nothing but demonstrate that you CANNOT. I think you need to do the no contact thing for awhile. Step away from her and stop chatting with her. It's time for you to move on and having her around or available to you all of the time is obviously not helping you at all. Maybe when you have truly moved on and are happy dating other women and not her, then you could be friends again.

[HomerSimpson]

diggitydog thank u for the reply!

 

Some of your responses have been very helpful. I'm glad that u got straight to the point and told it how it is.

 

Oh she's 24 by the way! But i guess she likes playing mind games.

 

Crimes of passion ha ha!