He can't get it up with me - is it me?

[ruzintrn]

My bf and I are having a rather 'complicated' relationship for years, but always end up together.

Most of our problems are revolving around 'other women issues'.

Lately, he is being having problems with maintaining his erection.

Now, I have put some weight on, but he insists that's not the problem.

He is also taking drugs for high blood pressure. Could that be the reason?

Because, I'm thinking, if he was with someone else, new, sexier,… he would not have problems.

Any thoughts?

[oberone]

Its blood Presurre tabs at the outside....but it may be a combination????

[RandomAdvisor]

It could be the pills, but he should ask his doctor about that.

 

I'm surprised to hear you make "other woman issues" sound like it's nothing serious. If he's cheated on you repeatedly why are you with him?

[ruzintrn]

So what you are saying is:

Blood pressure tabs could be the reason he's having problems with me, but if he was with someone else that might not be a problem?

[thyroxine]

Medicine for blood pressure usually does lower sexual performance - espeically if it's a Beta inhibitor. These drugs lower blood pressure by generally decreasing blood flow...and, well, that area of the body does need a lot of blood flow to function! He probably would still have the problem if he was with someone "newer and sexier" just because it's a physiological problem. Even though these drugs are usually best for decreasing blood pressure, there are other medications which don't have as high a risk for these problems. He could always ask his doctor about an alternate choice.

[ruzintrn]

I'm surprised to hear you make "other woman issues" sound like it's nothing serious. If he's cheated on you repeatedly why are you with him?

Because, as I said, our relationship is a bit complicated.

'Other women issues' means that I always felt he wanted other women. He says only a few of them he really wanted. But I'm sure, if they wanted him too, he would've 'cheated' more often.

And it wouldn't be 'cheating' anyway, because he would have always told me about it. I suppose that was my problem that, when he said 'She's so sexy, I would like to have sex with her', I took that as a joke. It wasn't until recently that I realised he was serious.

[Beyondthesea]

Cheated more often? This guy sounds like a real winner.

 

Drop him, who cares about his high blood pressure!

[RandomAdvisor]

Do you have such little respect for yourself that you're OK with your man telling you right in front of you that he wants to have sex with someone else?

 

He may be open about it, but that doesn't make it right. If you aren't comfortable with it and told him so beforehand it's still cheating. He sounds emotionally abusive as well.

[ruzintrn]

Cheated more often? This guy sounds like a real winner.

When you put it like this, you may be right.

[Beyondthesea]

I agree, I think you are being abused.

 

My ex was abusive and also complained of sexual problems with me...sorry to say I've never had any complaints before and don't now, so a lot of it is their frame of mind. My ex was also a porn addict, expecting me to become some sort of model/sex goddess...forget it!

[ruzintrn]

If you aren't comfortable with it and told him so beforehand it's still cheating.

Unfortunately, I've never told him beforehand!

I sort of thought it was implied (my mistake )

 

I've never told him anything (until recently) cause I never thought he is serious (my mistake again )

[Beyondthesea]

wow, really then...why are you wasting your time with someone who doesn't love you? he is disrespecting you at every turn.

 

I've been where you are...for 7 years, and I can honestly say, getting out of it was the best thing i've ever done.

 

It's always implied that your partner doesn't cheat, that's a real relationship. If he really plays mind games like that, you are being abused! Even if he's never slapped you, you are being emotionally taken advantage of.

[RandomAdvisor]

And here you are apologizing for your partner being a total jerk.

 

This guy has totally brainwashed you. You sound like you have very low self esteem and I'm sorry for you. I think you should work on that. Are you in counseling for yourself right now?

 

 

I don't know how much of this article will actually apply to your partner (is he your BF, husband? how many years together? how old are you two?) but I have a feeling some of it will.

 

link removed

[Beyondthesea]

That article saved my life girl, definitely read it.

 

Brainwashing is absolutely horrible. I felt crazy. He always blamed me for all our problems, even ones that any normal human being would know were caused by him.

 

Every day was a bunch of torment, and I was emotionally and physically exhausted. Sound familiar?

[ruzintrn]

You guys made me think.

He IS being a total jerk with the women thing and I don’t think I can ever forgive him for that.

But with just about everything else he is perfect. I know it’s hard to believe after what I’ve said, but it is truth. He’s always there for me, no matter what. Always.

He never blames me for any other problems.

And all that makes it ‘complicated’.

He is a looser in a way, but not a single thing from that article applies to him.

 

Do you have such little respect for yourself that you're OK with your man telling you right in front of you that he wants to have sex with someone else?

I always thought that honesty is important.

If he wanted to have sex with those women, I would expect him to tell me.

Are you saying you never want ‘other women”?

Or just choose not to mention it in front of your gf?

 

And I am thinking: will I just swap someone who wants other women and is open about it for someone who wants other women and lies about it?

[Kimmikazi]

Because, as I said, our relationship is a bit complicated.

'Other women issues' means that I always felt he wanted other women. He says only a few of them he really wanted. But I'm sure, if they wanted him too, he would've 'cheated' more often.

And it wouldn't be 'cheating' anyway, because he would have always told me about it. I suppose that was my problem that, when he said 'She's so sexy, I would like to have sex with her', I took that as a joke. It wasn't until recently that I realised he was serious.

 

 

That is so DISRESPECTFUL..!!!! It's one thing to THINK it, and not even want to act on it for real..but to say it and probably MEAN it.

 

It's not right and he doesn't deserve you...screw that.](*,)

[RandomAdvisor]

There is such a thing as too much honesty. If we told our partners absolutely every thought that went through our head, we would drive each other crazy.

 

Am I tempted by other women and find them attractive? Sure. I'm only human. But there is no need for me to go and tell my GF that to hurt her feelings and make her insecure. In the end my GF is the person I choose to be with and that is all that matters.

 

Falling back on the "I'm only being honest" explanation is totally weak. What he is doing shows a complete lack of respect for you.

 

If you break up with him there is no guarantee you will find someone better, but it's worth the risk.

 

Does he make you happy?

[Beyondthesea]

I highly doubt that the article doesn't apply to him...I don't know any 'perfect men' who talks about having sex with other women and goes out and does it. If he loves you, he won't be out having sex with other women. Period.

 

I don't care how much man is here for me, even though he always is. if he had sex with another women, he would be trashed like yesterday's garbage.

[ruzintrn]

Does he make you happy?

Well, he used to. Now I feel that nothing can make me happy.

Unlike you, I don't think that not telling the truth makes things better. Your gf may be happier, but only b/c she doesn't know what is in your head.

 

Am I tempted by other women and find them attractive? Sure. I'm only human. But there is no need for me to go and tell my GF that to hurt her feelings and make her insecure.

If there is nothing wrong with it, why don't you tell her?

If that is alright, why would you hurt her feelings?

If you think that is normal, why would you make her insecure by telling her?

 

What he is doing shows a complete lack of respect for you.

You KNOW that your gf will be hurt if she knew you are tempted by other women, so you decide not to tell her.

So, you are telling me that you are respecting your gf by keeping things from her?!

No offence, but that doesn't sound like much of respect to me. You don't think she can handle the truth, so you lie to her.

[ruzintrn]

I don't care how much man is here for me, even though he always is. if he had sex with another women, he would be trashed like yesterday's garbage.

100% agree!!

Being there for me only makes it harder to leave

[Beyondthesea]

yeah it's always easier to leave someone who is 100% jerk 100% of the time. completely agreed there.

 

how old are you sweetie? how long have you dated this guy?

[ruzintrn]

I'm 30.

10 years with him

[RandomAdvisor]

ruzintrn,

 

Breath deeply and repeat after me. "Temptation is not a sin."

 

I said it before and I will say it again, there is such a thing as too much truth. Just because something is true doesn't mean it has to be harped on and constantly talked about. I find other women attractive because I find it impossible not to. Just the same, I am certain that my GF finds other men attractive. If there is anyone on this board who can honestly say that they are not attracted by anyone else other than their partner I can honestly point a liar out to you. Are you telling me you find no men other than your partner attractive at all? Not even a little bit? Do you make it a point to mention to your partner all the men you think are cute? Why or why not?

 

 

Attraction is biological. There is nothing wrong with it because it cannot be helped. What purpose would pointing out my attractions to my GF serve? I can see no good meaningful purpose. I still think the "honesty" reason makes no sense. What it is really about is manipulation, control, and trying to hurt the one you are supposed to love.

 

And just to clarify, there is a big difference between a physical attraction that can't be helped and genuinly wanting to have sex with someone. I find other women attractive but that doesn't necessarily mean that I actually want to have sex with them. And even if I did, there is nothing wrong with simply wanting to. Why? Because TEMPTATION IS NOT A SIN. What would be wrong is if I acted on it somehow.

 

Like I said in my last post, the important thing is that my GF is the one that I choose to be with, and although I may be tempted by other women I do not act on that tempatation. Just as I'm sure she is tempted by other men, but does not act on it. I'm fine with that.

[RandomAdvisor]

FYI: Out of curiosity I just called my GF up and spoke to her about this.

 

She agrees with me.

 

She also admits that she is attracted to other guys, and I said the same for myself and other women. She called it "vulgar" to go about pointing it out all the time.

[Beyondthesea]

you've been together 10 years...are you engaged?