Update on yesterdays post....

[miracle29]

I know I must really be far gone now..because usually when My husband comes after me for sex I am just so glad he payed me attention i give in..but not this time. This time...I was so upset that he went out from 5pm and didnt come home until 10:30pm while i'm home stuck with our baby that I did things differently.

 

When he gets home he comes in and grabs the baby from me like everything is ok, but you can tell he knew he was wrong for staying out like this and expected me to react. I didnt...i didnt even speak to him. I moved to another room and closed the door. He came in the room with her...and I moved again as if to say "i want to be alone".

 

Finally she went to sleep and his idea of romance was him sitting on the couch with an erection and I suppose I was suppose to jump through hoops and as usual get on top of him because he's to lazy to do the same for me.

 

I acted like I didnt even see the erection and went to be with my daughter. He called my name playing around trying to do his best rendition of "I'm horny" and I said "My mind is not there right now..i'm tired...so I'm going to bed". He was shocked. I NEVER turn him down. But it hit me...why should I give him what he wants...and he takes and takes when I get nothing in return?

 

Why should he be rewarded for coming home 5 1/2 hours later while I'm stuck home with nothing to do. Better get a bottle of lotion buddy, because you wont be getting rewarded for neglect .

[RandomAdvisor]

Are you certain at this point you are going to divorce him?

 

I agree that you shouldn't be rewarding him for staying out so long while you are stuck at home alone taking care of your child. It should be a shared responsibilitiy. However, Simply walking away from him and denying him sex isn't very productive either. The lines of communication have obviously broken down and need to be repaired.

 

Of course, it's a moot point if you've already made up your mind that you are leaving.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

Good for you miracle29! I hope that proves to him that he can't just neglect his wife and child in such a way. Frankly you should have seen my mouth drop when I read the part about him sitting on the couch with an erectionwaiting for you, like it's your responsbility.

 

So why exactly haven't you left this guy?

[RandomAdvisor]

She's in Alaska with no money, and no close friends or relatives nearby that she can turn to.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

Wow, that explains it. Has she tried couples therapy yet?

[Tigris]

Good for you Miracle. He's got to realise that he can't just walk in the house and expect you to jump and say 'Yes Master.'

 

I bet if you suggest the two of you going to therapy he'll turn around and say, 'There's nothing wrong with our marriage.'

 

How old's your husband?

[RandomAdvisor]

Wow, that explains it. Has she tried couples therapy yet?

 

I don't think so. She says she tried talking to him about the problems and he blames everything on her.

[Tylin]

Finally she went to sleep and his idea of romance was him sitting on the couch with an erection and I suppose I was suppose to jump through hoops and as usual get on top of him because he's to lazy to do the same for me.

 

I laughed out loud when I read that. My best friend and I have ranted about that kind of thing before and how it can be such a turnoff. And my husband heard me laughing just now and asked me what was so funny.

 

"Uhhh... nothing, sweetie!"

 

Back to the original point, though, good for you, girl! If you suspect he might be cheating, then I think its wise to turn him down. He doesn't seem to be doing a whole lot to try and gain your trust and respect in that matter anyway, especially by staying out late.

[SLMitchell918]

I hate this for you. I know the feelings you have because I have had the same. Its not fair for him to feel so "free" when you are at home taking care of your daughter. He should love and respect you no matter what and always choose his family.

 

I read some of your previous posts and have you decided if you want to stay with him? You've been unhappy with him on and off for awhile now. I know you dont want to bring your daughter up in a broken home, but sometimes its healthier. Children can sense the unhappiness. One day, you can find a mean truly worthy and she would have a step dad that will be there for you and her.

 

As far as his cheating. There's signs. I know you have began to sense them. Thats how I found out. Sometimes women can tell these things. Hes not going to openly admit it. The only way you can find out is if he gets caught red handed

 

Dont stay in a relationship because you feel stuck. That would be living miserably.

 

I like how you treated him when he got home. He doesn't deserve you at all. Any man that treats his woman this way does not deserve the time of day.

[Rubiez]

I have been where you are at, all I can say is it's time for you. Find something you enjoy to get you through the day. I know how depressing it can be while being stuck at home with a baby and he's out. The baby won't be a baby forever, and although you are staying home and depressed, you will be rewarded by your baby later.

 

Hang in there, but try to find something to do for you and just you. Paint your toenails, read a book, anything that makes you feel better about yourself. It will get better, maybe not with your husband, but start concentrating on doing something to make yourself happy.

 

Just start taking baby steps to make you feel better about yourself, do something and don't feel guilty. You have needs too and don't feel guilty about it. You are more than a mom and a wife. I'm still learning that sometimes it's ok to be a little selfish. It has made me stronger, and it has helped me to become a better mother to my girls. My first baby I didn't enjoy at all because I was so stressed out like you. I regret that now, she's 10. By the time I had my second one, I learned a little bit, and I enjoyed her being a baby so much more.

 

You may also want to see about getting some counseling for depression, or finding someone near by to talk to. You may also want to see if you can arrange for someone to watch the baby for a little bit so you can make time for you. You sound like you could use a break from the routine, and have some fun again. After that you can figure out what to do about your husband.

 

Best of luck to you, hang in there, it will get better!!