Game as long there is not ring

[freedom]

ok,

I just have to vent about the hyprocacy some of the current perspective of relationships.

Having had contact with many male Homo sapiens in the current times. i find it hard to swallow the attitude of "anything is game if there isnt a ring".

Is it alright to attempt to bed the female gender even though you know she is attached? It just boils me to think that people think that it is fair game, OR is it?

Is it something to do with principles?

 

I find it ridiculous to see these men go about this, (to get laid and the challenge) knowing that they are distroying a relationship, only for them to turn round and say they are looking for a someone special in their lives. Dont they know by doing this they are actually scarring someone? or do they think that it is all fair and the responsibility isnt theirs?

 

Or is sex just sex?

 

I find it disgusting that men like these knowing that the women is attached bring them out and attempt to get them drunk, apply pressure and guilt to make them have sex with them ...

Boy it boils me....

[sir sirloin]

title says it all

[Starfall]

I find that it's even more of a game when there is a ring.

My husband's wedding ring must be like a "chic magnet".

No.. it's not right to answer your question.

[Arrowsmith]

The onus not to cheat is on the person in the relationship.

 

To my mind, the single person is not under a moral obligation to push the attached person away.

[freedom]

sir sirloin,

So would you say that it is ok for someone to attempt to do that you your partner? to try take advantage?

or are you saying that from you prosition as a male, "it is fair?" and you dont have a problem doing it

[freedom]

Arrowsmith,

i assume what you are saying is if the attached person is hitting on a single person, What do you think about the reversed??

let say, someone is hitting on your partner in a clear attempt to bed them and knowing that she/he is in a happy relationship?

[Starfall]

It's all about trust.

Any woman can approach my husband.. I know he loves me. I totally trust him. With no trust.. there can be no love.

People don't have magical powers that will cause the other to cheat...except of course... Angelina Jolie... lol

[freedom]

Starfall.. Funny LOL

 

I understand what you are saying that it is all about trust, but what i am saying is, what ever happened to the respect relationship and marriage.

Has society become such a cess pool that simple principle dont exist?

[Arrowsmith]

Arrowsmith,

i assume what you are saying is if the attached person is hitting on a single person, What do you think about the reversed??

let say, someone is hitting on your partner in a clear attempt to bed them and knowing that she/he is in a happy relationship?

 

Freedom, I would be very unhappy if someone were trying to hit on my partner in an attempt to bed them; nevertheless, I don't think they are morally at fault. If my partner were to go along with it, she would be morally at fault.

 

If I spend all my money on all the appealing crap I see advertised on TV, I don't blame the marketers, I blame myself. I made the decision to spend my money that way.

[Arrowsmith]

I did have someone after my husband. She was serious. I took care of it.. don't ask me what I did. Not nice...

 

Oh come on Starfall - you can't just drop a provactive bomb like that without explaning it. I won't be able to get any work done today because I'll be too busy speculating!

[freedom]

starfall...

come on just a little hint... i want to learn how to handle this kinda situation

[freedom]

i am beginning to think that maybe my perspective is old fashion.

If i was the meet someone interesting and found that they were attached i would back off as not to interfere with that relationship. i would remain possible friend but there would be a clear line for me.

I suppose it isnt just to not interfere but it also no to lower my principles of myself.

i suppose that is y i dont get laid as often??

[sir sirloin]

sir sirloin,

So would you say that it is ok for someone to attempt to do that you your partner? to try take advantage?

or are you saying that from you prosition as a male, "it is fair?" and you dont have a problem doing it

You didn't say if you were a dude or a chick so I'll answer both perspectives.

 

Dude:

If I don't have enough to offer my parter that she would drop her panties for a random doofus who winked at her then it is my fault. It is my fault twice. Once for misjudging her character in the first place and twice for being such a doormat that she can justify cheating on me in her mind.

 

As for me personally I'm a wimpy beta male so as soon as I know a woman is seeing someone I don't try. Not because I'm against the idea but because I'm sure I have less to offer than any other potential mate she might have.

 

Chick:

If someone is attempting to mow your lawn it is a compliment to you in your mate choices. If you think your man might be interested in getting something you can't or won't give him then you need to re-examine your relationship. If you think you don't have enough to offer him then maybe you bit off more than you could chew and next time need to aim lower on the relative attractiveness scale.

[Arrowsmith]

As for me personally I'm a wimpy beta male so as soon as I know a woman is seeing someone I don't try. Not because I'm against the idea but because I'm sure I have less to offer than any other potential mate she might have.

 

Sorry, I gotta respectfully disagree here -- you at least have keen insight into human relationships. That's gotta with some women.

[Arrowsmith]

I hit on a married woman last year. She told her husband about it ("if didn't stop, I'm not sure where I would have drawn the line". Sheesh. Flattering. But I was wrong. Bad, Arrowsmith, Bad!) So, he hates me now. And I live in constant fear that my current gf will find out about it (she knows the couple, although not too well).

 

Just in case anyone needed a good pragmatic reason not to hit on married women...

[Jjasonn28]

I think any man or woman attempting to 'bed' an individual who they know is attatched in any form, is very callous, and speaks worlds about their character. Any moral question is open to debate however, and to many, this 'challenge' is just a game.

 

In my opinion, its just respectful, and common human decency to respect the attatchment between two people.

[freedom]

I was just thinking....

for those who think it is ok to hit on someone that is attached.

do you not feel as if you are the serpent? tempting adam and eve?

i am not religious but that was not only analgy that came to my mind.

I think that whole adam and eve senerio isnt the fault of eve, i think it is the serpent that was the evil one that prey on the weak. There is nothing wrong about being weaker, wht is wrong about the whole thing is the serpent.

Ok...ok .. i havebeen reading the book davinci code, but i think i have a point here...

[Arrowsmith]

I don't think that hitting on married people is OK -- it was an error in judgement the one time I did it.

 

I don't think there *is* a serpent in real life. In real life most evil people are weak. There are very few people who actively want to hurt others. But many people are too weak to do the right thing even when they know what it is.

[freedom]

i think this is whre i wound disagree on ....

the serpent is the 3rd person. the fruit is lust. the victim is the target of the serpent.

I dont think people are always evil. I think otherwise, but there are times that we knowingly do it the benefit ourselves. I dont think this is nothing to do with weakness. i think it is about control whether we admit it or not.

 

I feel the victim is the one that suffers in the end, whether they are weak or strong, it scars them because they have been victimised and disrespected on 3 levels,

*1 themselves

*2 their partner

*3 the relationship

Thus, to what i see, they have the right to be weak.

 

I am not attacking you arrowsmith, i just am saying that there is a difference, that the victim has the right to be weak and it is not wrong to be weak.

 

We all are weak toward our own principles, but the difference between us(meaning ppl with principles) and the people that goes out knowly hurting other ppls relationship is that they inflict on others their own weakness in regards to princples and respect. I feel sorry and angered by these ppl.

 

I see there is an increasing number of ppl like that out there. I have read books that 'teaches' men to be bastards and to be proud of it, because in the end, their future relationships would be better because they know how to control the situation (women and relationship) and thus women are more attracted to it.

 

I think i am going off track here, but in my opinion, the situation is a lose-lose, it is distractive and not one is happy.

[sir sirloin]

Sorry, I gotta respectfully disagree here -- you at least have keen insight into human relationships.

Thank you for the compliment Mr. Smith, though I wasn't fishing for one, I was merely responding to Freedom's question. As for the insight I'm an internet relationship scholar, and I've read just about everything google can find on the subject. It is a lot easier to present the appearance of being confident and erudite online than it is to be in real life.

[Arrowsmith]

Freedom, have you ever been the victim of a tempter?

[freedom]

yes. i have.. but i put a wall. I was tempted bu yet disgusted.

[RayKay]

I don't respect people whom disrespect the relationships of others (ring or not).

 

But, I hardly think of someone being hit on and whom consents to cheat as being a "victim". I have been hit on while in a relationship by other men (and no, not even at bars, just from coworkers, acquantainces, friends) and you know what? I could walk away before it even got to "being pressuring", and I DEFINITELY could walk away long before I "gave in" because I would never "give in". I have ended a friendship with someone whom was disrespectful of my relationship for example. If you KNOW someone has ulterior motives, why put yourself in that situation? They cannot MAKE you go out, and MAKE you drink, and MAKE you decide to give up your own commitment, and MAKE you cheat.

 

Honestly if you get "guilted" into sex with someone - be it your partner or another person, you have a lot of work to do on your own sense of self confidence and esteem.

 

A victim is someone whom was raped, abused, beaten into sex. That victim status does not apply to someone whom whether there was pressure and temptation or not whom does ultimately consent to their own actions.