Men: How would you feel?

[tulip]

You lied to the woman you claim to love but she catches you. Your busted. You don't go out on a limb to prove what needs to be proven for her to believe what you say after she caught you. Things get heated and mean things are said. She says, "We're done. Don't call me. I'm taking your name out of my phone and blocking you."

He says, "Me too."

 

Two days later he calls her at work leaving her a message to call him back, it's important.

 

She doesn't. She wonders what is important but feels that if it's really important, he'll call back again and leave reference as to what it is.

I can understand something like he lost his wallet and please see if it fell out in your car.

But it might be something related to the relationship.

 

It's been 2 days since he left that message. I never called back. He hasn't called again.

 

I'm obviously in pain from the lies and in shck with some of the things that he said afterwards but even with all that, I can't help but wonder what's going on with him.

I've lost weight in the last week, I wake up every night soaked from cold sweats.

I want this to go away and I want to get to the point where I have my confidence and strength back so I can forgive him and move on.

 

But right now, I can't help but hope he is suffering too. In remorse for destroying a relationship with his lies. I want him to hope it me everytime his phone rings. I want his days at work to be dreadfully slow and long because he can't stop thinking about what he's done and who he has lost.

 

Men, after making a bad and selfish choice that ruins the relationship with someone, and she stops calling you and doesn't return your calls...... what goes through your mind? Do you wish she'd call you back? Are you sorry? Are you sad? What???? I just wish I knew. I hate thinking I'm suffering and he's thrown in the towel on ME! THanks everyone....

[Momene]

If it's something really major like cheating, stealing or abuse, then I'd assume it was over and not try to get back.

 

If it was something more minor like spending an hour too long in the pub, I'd think it could be worked out and try to resolve it.

 

But generally (another generalisation, I'm afraid, although I don't generally go in for them), if you dump someone, MEAN IT! Don't "dump" meaning "I'm not really dumping you but I'm really hissed with you and I want to see you grovel before I'll take you back".

 

Also remember that when you dump someone it removes the responsibility they have for your feelings but doesn't remove the responsibility you have for there's unless it was cheating, etc or another type of major "crime".

[ocrob]

I think lying is a terrible thing and wonder what his lies consisted of? I think you are doing the right thing. I have a female friend that would get so annoyed at her ex leaving messages and saying it was important, but not saying what it was about. I can only speak from personal experience, but if I care about a woman then I pursue her. This guy may either not have feelings for you or is very ashamed of what he did. Either way he needs to step up to the plate. Do not break NC and see if he cares enough or is man enough to call you again. If not, then you are better off. It hurts and it sucks, but life will go on in the future. You may find a guy that is honest and caring and treats you the way you want.

[blender]

You are doing the right thing, you are handling this properly, let time and space help you heal.. and I can not stand when someone leaves a message that does not state thier intentions or details, it couldn't have been THAT important, and YOU are doing what is right for YOU, and that is the best thing to do at this point.

 

Believe me, for today, he might be calling just because of his own guilt, so let HIM feel it, don't get in the way of it, or let him talk to you so he can alleviate it...

 

he has to do some thinking (your silence will force him to think, IF he's truly a "thinking" man) and if he's EVER going to have another chance with you.. he has a lot of work to do..

 

You are living within your standards/values, and he won't meet many like you... and it is most likely he can not live up to your standards/values in the long run anyway, as painful as this is for you, it could be just the blessing you needed. Now you can invest time and energy into yourself, and not him... one day at a time, no contact.... you're doing great, good for you! Don't let fond memories of "what was" cloud you right now, stay in "what is"... let go for today, and take care of you.

[lovecrazy]

What did he lie about?

 

Honestly it sounds like he is trying to see if you want to be with him. I would continue no contact. Eventually if he doesnt get a response he will leave it on your voicemail, or send you an email. And if he doesnt, then my guess would be he isnt worth that much.

 

If he lied about something small, like where he was (as long as he wasnt cheating) then maybe forgive him. If he lied about something big such as no he didnt kiss that girl, or just something worse. I would stay away from him. You also have to look at why he lied, example. My boyfriend lied to me about talking to his ex. But after thinking about it, I would nag about her calling demand that he didnt talk to her. So he felt he couldnt tell me the truth. But in all honesty it was partly my fault for putting so much on him about it. But he still should have been a man about it and tell me the truth.

 

So I would use your best judgement on this. Please let us know what happens!

[tulip]

thanks for your thoughts on this.... reading your opinions and hearing your support helps SO MUCH.

 

Winschica, he lied about where he was and i caught him leaving his "friend of 5 years" place (a woman) the next morning. you can read about it here...

 

then it got uglier when he told me about that woman calling me a "white b**ch".

you can read that here.....

 

that's when i said we were done.

 

then a couple of days later he calls and says it's important.

he gets nothing from me.

 

then two days after that, i get a call from his manager "worried" about him.

i didn't believe it at first thinking that if they were really worried, they would have called sooner in the day or would not have said things like we make a cute couple.

 

part of me thinks he was sitting there with his manager feeling me out.

the other part wonders if it was true that he did call in sick and the manager was trying to see if he could get some info from me if things were ok and he didn't want to loose my ex as a new employee and maybe he wondered f my ex was with ME?

 

i have to admit, i have been driving by his place late ate night and in the morning before work (it's on the way to work), and i haven't seen his car there at all....not late and not super early. so maybe he hasn't been at home....maybe something is going on with him......... maybe he found some other chicks shoulder to cry on........... maybe he really is calling in sick because he's feeling like crap for being stupid.............. i haven't seen his car in front of his "friend of 5 years" apt. either (she lives by my gym). so i don't "think" he's there.

 

i'm confused and as i seem to say in all my posts, trying to stay strong.

 

thanks everyone....

[freedom]

ok.

here is me going against most of the people here again.

if you say it is over and know for ou it is over, you might as well sort this out.

What you are trying to do is revenge and trying to cause him pain. By doing this you are also inflicting pain on yourself. My opinion is this, IF you know it is over between 2 of you, settle this so you can move on.

Before you call him write down the conditions for the conversation.

eg:

tell him at the starting of the conversation your conditions and if he breaks it you WILL hang up at any time.

tell him it is over for you and you dont want to hear excuses and if there is anything that is important he needs to explain.

 

All this puts you in the position of control. Thus getting yourself back from him. BUT in the end that aim of this is to forgive him and yourself and not revenge. Dont focus on him and his pain, but focus on yourself healing.