Almost broke up...my bf and I are still discussing the problems...

[Polypeptide]

Hi,

 

My bf and I have problems. Communication wasn't too great. Our personalities are different. He's serious. I'm laid back. We got along fine when he had more time to spend with me.

 

Recently he was very very busy with school work. And we started having arguments. The arguments and the fights just made him more distant because the problems hadn't been solved. And he couldn't be doing all the romantic gestures when he was still angry.

 

But I took it personally. It is a negative cycle. Because he doesn't do the romantic gesture. He doesn't seem to care. Then I feel more sad and more frustrated. And he doesn't have time to spend with me anymore. Everything adds up and we argued even more.

 

We have a huge obstacle coming up. We will graduate this summer. He will move back to San Jose to his parents. I will move back to LA. It is not too far. But it is a long distance relationship. My bf thinks that long distance is not a problem. But our relationship is not doing good at this time. The long distance will drive us apart even more.

 

So we have gotten to a point where nothing else can be done. And break up is the best option for both of us. We still love each other. But we don't quite have a future.

 

Last night we were talking about breaking up and not being able to see each other as bf/gf tomorrow. The remaining option is to continue dating. See if anything improves and we will go long distance if our relationship is getting better. The possibility is low that everything will be improved.

 

It was so painful that I just felt like we were over. We hadn't made a firm decision but I had to anticipate the worst. So I assumed we had broken up. I called and cried to one of my friends. But then I got better, knowing that I had to stay strong.

 

And to show my bf that I'm strong enuf to move on. And didn't wanna sit at home feeling sorry. I went to sch's 24 hrs study room to get myself being around with people. Plus my bf would freak out if he finds out I went out late at night.

 

I made contact with IM before I went out. Basically I said if he won't come back to my place ever again, then I had to do some of the chores myself. And I had to ask him to doing a task for me tmr.

 

He called me to say gd night before he slept. I didn't expect he would call at all. I told him I went out. I didn't tell him I went to library. He assumed I went out drinking with friends. He said like "oh...now u can go out late at night without telling me...we hadn't broken up yet..." And then I told him I would do the chores myself and I asked another friend to do the task. I didn't need him anymore. He asked what was my final decision on our relationship status.

 

I told him we would talk about it today. I don't know what to do. I have to get back to him today. Should we stay NC for a week and see if we still miss each other? Or just make a clean break?

[antkojm1]

I've been in his position in regard to the differences in personalities. Just because he's really busy and doesn't show his emotion to you much, doesn't mean he doesn't care or love you.

 

You need to decide whether or not you want to be with him. Do you see a future together? Do you see a possibility, with counseling, of getting the problems in the relationship worked out? Do you still get along and have fun with him when things are good?

 

If you choose to stay together, you both need to be prepared for putting some work into it. If either of you don't feel you are prepared for it, then you should not continue.

[Polypeptide]

If you choose to stay together, you both need to be prepared for putting some work into it. If either of you don't feel you are prepared for it, then you should not continue.

 

Tell me if I am doing the right thing.

 

We haven't made any decision on whether we r gonna break up. I want some sort of faith from him that long distance relationship is what he would go for. If he isn't gonna put effort into it. Then we should just break up now.

 

Well...it's a bit contradicting. But we won't know how the future is gonna be. Asking him to make sure that we will do fine in a long distance setting is not quite right.

 

I already went through heart-broken days in our relationship. When he was really busy, I feel abandoned. I pretty much can tell I have Borderline personality problem. Like when we were together, I would feel very bad if he didn't call me to say gd night.

 

Now we r acting like friends. No kissing, no touching, no hugging, no sex. I want to see how breaking up and just be friends feel like. We had taken a break before. But I was just as needy and nothing was changed. This time I have to force myself to deal with myself. I can be happy just by myself. My happiness shouldn't depend on him.

 

I reacted as if he's not my bf anymore. Things has improved drastically. I'm not needy anymore. When he still called to say gd night, I didn't expect it so I felt happier. And if he doesn't call, fine.

 

It's funny, when we were together we didn't run into each other as much. These days I ran into him everywhere on campus. I ran into him twice today. But there's that awkward feeling. I would really wanna be affectionate. But I have to control myself coz I will have to get used to it if we break up.

 

I dunno if staying close as friends like this would help. Or we should do NC and not seeing at all. Well, I'm happier now. That's the most important thing.

[Polypeptide]

And he isn't taking me for granted that much.

 

He plays in intramural bball games. When we were together, he kinda just expect I will go everytime to watch his games. But I didn't feel he wanted it. It's more like I'm his gf and I automatically have to go to his game.

 

His game is coming but my schedule didn't work out. He was a bit down knowing that I won't go. I have lab and I won't know when I'll be done. Maybe I'll be done early and I'll show up giving him a surprise. Maybe I just dun care about his game and hang out with other people. It's a bonus to see me.

[leroy46]

so have you two made a final decision yet? i noticed you posted a week ago. what do you really want to happen?