So, what does it feel like to have a girlfriend?

[Q10]

Did someone say online dating? ugghhhh didn't have one girl that was decent that I talked to, and then I thought I found a girl that was decent. She was the only one I thought this way,

Check what happened

 

 

You're better off IMO. Online dating S-U-C-K-S

[orgasmictofu]

Ross, seriously dude, enough.

 

I can count on TWO hands the amount of topics you have posted crying to us that you're lonely and can't get anyone.

 

YOU CAN GET SOMEONE. There is someone for everyone.

 

But you have to get out there. Social anxiety or not. Me and my sister both have SA. I have taken small steps to get out there and make myself available, both as friends and in romance.

 

I'm not a model. I have a big nose and a big Polish forehead. I have a wide butt and small boobs. I can cry til the cows come home about how ugly I am. Not every guy is attracted to me. But I can be myself, feign confidence, and have a guy fall in love. Those that like me fall hard for me.

 

I'm not saying I'm ugly, because I know I'm not. Just like you are not ugly either. But just like you, I have an "appeal". I'm unique. Both in looks and in personality. And that's what attracts people to me.

 

I have two jobs that REQUIRE me to talk to people. I have to talk to people to make money (I am on commission and I'm a waitress). It's good social practice.

 

Get out there, talk to people. Don't talk to people with the intent to marry, talk to people to talk to people. Yes it's hard, I KNOW, but you sitting on your butt at home crying and moaning about how pathetic you are is NOT productive.

[Luke Skywalker]

Did someone say online dating? ugghhhh didn't have one girl that was decent that I talked to, and then I thought I found a girl that was decent. She was the only one I thought this way,

Check what happened

 

 

You're better off IMO. Online dating S-U-C-K-S

 

It's sort of a crap-shoot, that's for sure, but its so cool because you can be like a lazy bum and just send out messages (sort of undermined if you are paying for those messages - unless you are a lazy bum with some money).

 

You can meet people and interact, and even experience emotional roller coaster rides, all from the comfort of your own home. Online dating is cool IMHO because its so darn lazy.

[Luke Skywalker]

To those who have girlfriends:

 

Would you rather be single and available again if you had the chance?

[Mrocza]

I’m going to point this out and make it very clear for you.

 

You say women make it seem as if you’re ugly and you live this horrible life and women are shallow, or you’re too ugly, etc. etc.

 

It’s YOUR attitude that’s the problem. This isn’t the first thread, it won’t be the last.

 

And yet, when you get advice or feedback or even a COMPLIMENT, you can’t accept it and do anything and everything to justify it your way or prove it wrong.

 

Here is your thread about “Guys who have problems with women, it could be worse, you could be me.”

 

 

 

People are complimenting you, giving you feedback, advice, etc.

 

You take none of it.

 

Here is a thread about no one showing interest in you.

 

 

 

Another about how you are “asexual in reverse” because no one wants you

 

 

 

 

Notice a pattern?

Notice a problem?

 

Why are you going to even make threads to vent or for feedback if you're going to knock down each reply?

[Ross_K]

Whats the reason you can't do online dating?

 

Well for one I have SA, and for another there's my mum who is a control freak, I'm sure she'd hate the idea of me meeting 'strangers' online and probably threaten to stop paying the bill, I know what she's like. And she would know that I'm going to meet someone online, since I don't have any friends because of moving to this new area.

 

I did ask her what she thought of me trying dating sites and she thought it was okay, but I know what she's like, I'm sure it'd be a different story if I was actually going to do it.

 

Another start is to delete that comment you have in your messages that states..(unable to attract a human being)

You won't have girls flocking to you with that comment.

 

I've never had girls flocking to me anyway.

[Mrocza]

Well for one I have SA, and for another there's my mum who is a control freak, I'm sure she'd hate the idea of me meeting 'strangers' online and probably threaten to stop paying the bill, I know what she's like. And she would know that I'm going to meet someone online, since I don't have any friends because of moving to this new area.

 

I did ask her what she thought of me trying dating site and she thought it was okay, but I know what she's like, I'm sure it'd be a different story if I was actually going to do it.

 

You're 30, not 13. Your mother doesn't have a say in what you do or don't do.

 

Get a job, move out on your own, a key to self confidence is independance. You can afford your own internet access and do what you please.

 

SA is something that you can work past - you need to go out and FACE it or you'll just get worse. The more you hide away, the scarier it seems, the more impossible it will be to face it. It's a vicious cycle only you can stop.

 

You can meet new friends, anyone can, you just need to put yourself out there.

 

No offense, but it sounds like you're just making excuses for yourself.

[Ross_K]

I'm being honest, if any of you had seen me in real life and said you're nice looking, then I would accept that. I'm not saying I'm not nice looking, I'm just saying I might not be since photo's can be very deceptive, there's plenty where I don't look the same as I do in this one and look really bad. Yes, I'm venting, I suppose in some way making the topics make me feel better, but I'm just being brutaly honest. I do really appreciate the advice you people have given me and the compliments, thanks.

[Luke Skywalker]

I identify with Ross_K, as I'm also 30 years old and live with my parents, and can say, that anyone who just says get a job doesn't know how difficult it is to find a decent well-paying job.

 

Getting a job means diddly-squat, there are people in homeless shelters that have jobs, there are people going to food-banks because after their rent is paid there is no more money for food, or how about people who get injured, and cant continue working for a few days, which could make a difference as to whether rent is paid or not.

 

You just dont walk into a place and simply 'get a job'.

 

Besides, if you have a girlfriend, with a good-paying job, then she would be able support you and pay all the bills. Another benefit for having a girlfriend.

[Mrocza]

Then change the photo.

 

If you're going to shoot down every single compliment and say the photo is false advertisement, take it down!

[Ross_K]

You're 30, not 13. Your mother doesn't have a say in what you do or don't do.

 

Get a job, move out on your own, a key to self confidence is independance. You can afford your own internet access and do what you please.

 

SA is something that you can work past - you need to go out and FACE it or you'll just get worse. The more you hide away, the scarier it seems, the more impossible it will be to face it. It's a vicious cycle only you can stop.

 

You can meet new friends, anyone can, you just need to put yourself out there.

 

No offense, but it sounds like you're just making excuses for yourself.

 

I know I'm not 13, but it's hard trying to get your life together to get your own place when you have SA, the last thing I'd want to do is to move into some dodgy small flat in a rough area.

[Luke Skywalker]

What about asking your mom to help you find a girlfriend. Tell her you are unhappy about it, and ask her to set you up with someone. If she wants to be in control, you tell her every single day, that she needs to find a girlfriend for you, so she can see her grandchildren. Let your mom work for you.

 

I have not pressed my own mom to find me a girlfriend, perhaps I will do that in the future too.

[Starfall]

Well...

I don't know what to say. Mrocza was right in her response to you.

You can't help people who don't want to help themselves.

If you are worried about what "mommy" will say in regards to your private life at **30**, then you have bigger issues at stake here.

[Mrocza]

I identify with Ross_K, as I'm also 30 years old and live with my parents, and can say, that anyone who just says get a job doesn't know how difficult it is to find a decent well-paying job.

 

Getting a job means diddly-squat, there are people in homeless shelters that have jobs, there are people going to food-banks because after their rent is paid there is no more money for food, or how about people who get injured, and cant continue working for a few days, which could make a difference as to whether rent is paid or not.

 

You just dont walk into a place and simply 'get a job'.

 

Besides, if you have a girlfriend, with a good-paying job, then she would be able support you and pay all the bills. Another benefit for having a girlfriend.

 

I am not bashing people who are unemployed or still live at home.

 

I am simply saying, why is his mother going to control what he's doing at 30? He can't date online because she won't like it or will d/c his internet? It's ridiculous.

 

The last time I checked a full grown man can support himself. With the right motivation any guy can earn a decent living. It wouldn't matter to me if my guy was a garbage truck driver, as long as he tried to be the best garbage truck driver.

 

Girlfriends are not breathing bank accounts either. I frown upon any man or woman who financially supports their significant other or pays their bills, unless they are living together or have some sort of contract worked out between them.

[Ross_K]

What about asking your mom to help you find a girlfriend. Tell her you are unhappy about it, and ask her to set you up with someone. If she wants to be in control, you tell her every single day, that she needs to find a girlfriend for you, so she can see her grandchildren. Let your mom work for you.

 

I have not pressed my own mom to find me a girlfriend, perhaps I will do that in the future too.

 

She wouldn't do that.

[Ross_K]

Well...

I don't know what to say. Mrocza was right in her response to you.

You can't help people who don't want to help themselves.

If you are worried about what "mommy" will say in regards to your private life at **30**, then you have bigger issues at stake here.

 

You make that sound as though it's my fault, I can't just tell her 'no' and everything will be okay, she doesn't back down, she screams, and eventually she'd just be threatening me with chucking me out of the house, you can't reason with her. It's my mum with the 'issues'.

[Mrocza]

I know I'm not 13, but it's hard trying to get your life together to get your own place when you have SA, the last thing I'd want to do is to move into some dodgy small flat in a rough area.

 

Again, excuses.

 

Only you can help yourself.

 

I am also affected by social anxiety.

[Ross_K]

Again, excuses.

 

Only you can help yourself.

 

I am also affected by social anxiety.

 

Okay then, you have all the magic answers, what do I do?

[Luke Skywalker]

I am not bashing people who are unemployed or still live at home.

 

I am simply saying, why is his mother going to control what he's doing at 30? He can't date online because she won't like it or will d/c his internet? It's ridiculous.

 

The solution is for Ross_K, to harass and bother his mom every day about this lack of having a girlfriend, and ask her to look for one for him, eventually she'll wear down, throw her hands in the air, and just let him meet women online. That is ridicilous that any mom would deprive their son of meeting people over the internet. My mom is VERY strict, but not THAT strict.

 

The last time I checked a full grown man can support himself. With the right motivation any guy can earn a decent living. It wouldn't matter to me if my guy was a garbage truck driver, as long as he tried to be the best garbage truck driver.

 

And you said you are not bashing anyone who is unemployed and still living at home, eh? Garbage truck drivers get paid well, what are you talking about?

It's the crap jobs like courier, cashiers, Mcjobs, or what you call them that nobody wants that are available to unskilled labour forces who have no experience. Doing those jobs and being unemployed are not too different, that's why lots of people just choose to stay on welfare.

 

If Ross_K's mom is like mine, she would not want him working in any of those jobs. It would be a shame.

 

Girlfriends are not breathing bank accounts either. I frown upon any man or woman who financially supports their significant other or pays their bills, unless they are living together or have some sort of contract worked out between them.

 

unless they are living together - right. What guy wouldn't want to live with a girlfriend who pays all the bills.

 

That's why we envy guys who have girlfriends - because not only do you have the woman, you also have her bank account.

[Luke Skywalker]

Humm....that mom part is tricky. I think if you wear her down and complain about not having a girlfriend to her, to the same extent you are doing here, then she will wear down and either help you, and gladly use the internet. What mom wants to see her son unhappy all day because he doesn't have a girlfriend? Dont eat any food she makes, tell her you are not hungry, because you dont have an apetite anymore since you have no girlfriend and pout. I think she'll be more open to the internet use then.

[Starfall]

Again... who cares what "mommy" thinks? It's your life.

Cut the umbilical cord and get out. Be responsible and stop relying on others to get you through. Make your own decisions, not ones that "mommy" may or may not approve of. The best thing for you would be if she did cut you off financially. This is why you are *13 years old* on an emotional level. I think it's time to grow up. I'm being sincere.

[Mrocza]

The solution is for Ross_K, to harass and bother his mom every day about this lack of having a girlfriend, and ask her to look for one for him, eventually she'll wear down, throw her hands in the air, and just let him meet women online. That is ridicilous that any mom would deprive their son of meeting people over the internet. My mom is VERY strict, but not THAT strict.

 

I think he should stand up to his mother yes, but not about getting a gf.

 

I think he should have stood up to his mother WAY BEFORE if this has obviously been an on-going problem.

 

And you said you are not bashing anyone who is unemployed and still living at home, eh? Garbage truck drivers get paid well, what are you talking about?

It's the crap jobs like courier, cashiers, Mcjobs, or what you call them that nobody wants that are available to unskilled labour forces who have no experience. Doing those jobs and being unemployed are not too different, that's why lots of people just choose to stay on welfare.

 

I was using an example. It doesn't matter what job you have as long as you do your best.

A job is a job is a job. It is much easier to go on the streets and beg, which is what most homeless people do, or just stay on welfare, and it's funny because you'd think those people would value the money they would get off working hard.

I'm not saying he's going to be on the streets and begging, but unfortunately, if it doesn't work out in school and if you lack job experience, you're going to have to start on the bottom and work your way up like any person.

 

If Ross_K's mom is like mine, she would not want him working in any of those jobs. It would be a shame.

 

Interesting theory.

Not wanting him to have any job to learn the value of hard work and money, to gain independance, experience, to realize how hard some people have to work in life to get somewhere.

Isn't it a shame really, that his mother is in actuality, crippling her son more than helping him?

 

unless they are living together - right. What guy wouldn't want to live with a girlfriend who pays all the bills.

 

That's why we envy guys who have girlfriends - because not only do you have the woman, you also have her bank account.

Are you single?

I wouldn't be surprised.

 

No girl is ever going to support a guy who sits on his behind all day with no desire to fend for himself. Sorry, but that doesn't exist. Living together = sharing the bills.

 

Guys with girlfriends have girlfriends not for their bank accounts. If you seriously think that you are severely deluded.

 

 

Ross_K -

I don't have any magic answers. You are the only one who can solve your problems or begin to fix yourself...

 

I know what it's like to be stuck in a rut and how easy it is to just think negatively. But you CAN pull yourself up out of it.

 

If you'd like, look at my thread history.

[agent1607307371]

Ross, I would not date you. Your attitude is completely unattractive.

 

You have a list of reasons why woman are unattracted to you. Women are like sharks with blood. We can smell this.

 

You remind me of a friend I have who believes that a girlfriend will cure all his ills.And believes that no woman would date him. I have seen him with women hanging off of him and he's done nothing and continues to whine.

 

Why? Because he believes that no women finds him attractive. He occludes himself to those that do.

 

I'm 23. My parents have no say in my life (beyond a point, as I live with them.)

 

Also, I too suffer SA. I've had relationships. The two are not mutually exclusive.

 

link removedInternalise these points. Become these points. The only thing we can change is ourselves, but when we do, the world changes in relation to us.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Mate - if a manic depressive with a violent temper and lax toenail-cutting habits (ie, me) can get a girlfriend, so can you. Start the self faith train...maybe even counselling? Some self esteem work in general would be a good idea?

[quietgrl]

I agree with your post about Ross.Thats why i could never think of him as a boyfriend either