Question about relationships

[novaseeker]

Well, I guess I was asking what you have done in the past to approach women when you're in a situation where there are eligible women around whom you would otherwise be interested in getting to know better?

[Ross_K]

Maybe Ash, but my gut instinct is telling me otherwise.

 

I think I'll make a topic and ask women what is it that they actualy do when they send subtle signals, I bet I wont be able to recall a woman ever giving me them.

 

*EDIT*

 

Actually I already made the topic ages ago,

 

All of the subtle signals that I was told about in there haven't happened to me, apart from a few which don't really have to mean anything, like being friendly or sat towards you when they're talking to you.

[Ross_K]

Well, I guess I was asking what you have done in the past to approach women when you're in a situation where there are eligible women around whom you would otherwise be interested in getting to know better?

 

I honestly don't know what I'm suposed to do, I think a lot of the time it just happens naturally though, you both end up talking to each other, there's chemistry, and eventually you're both an item.

 

But like I've said, I've always found it really hard to connect with women even on a friendship level, I've only had about 2 or 3 female friends in the whole of my life.

[novaseeker]

Okay. Well, I think when you are in therapy one topic for discussion with your therapist will be how you have approached women in the past, and your underlying "beliefs" about that.

[justpaisley]

Relationships that are more work than enjoyment are just not worth it. All relationships take some element of maintenance... not work. Too much work, and the fun just isn't enjoyable anymore. For example, if you want a garden, you'll work hard to start one, then maintain it from then on. But, if your roses keep dying, you're finally going to realize that you and roses just don't get along and you're going to plant something else. If you can't get something off the ground enough to enjoy it, you're going to move on to something else.

 

My husband and I were married at a very young age (23 and 20, respectively). It took some initial work to settle in to growing up together. We had never lived together. It took some work to get used to living with another person in my space. We had never slept in the same bed, and it took about a month for me to realize that I simply cannot stand it when someone is touching me when I'm trying to sleep. We had never had sex, with anyone. Okay, that didn't take much work, but it was fun learning what we both enjoyed, what we didn't enjoy, and figuring out what it was that just blew the other person's mind.

 

Now that we've established the roots for a happy marriage, we work every day to maintain it. When I make important decisions, and even not so important ones, I make sure that I figure out if they're best for my family. If he does something to annoy me, I don't bottle it up, I ask him nicely if he'll change his behavior. If he doesn't, I prune him.

 

Maintenance - not work - is the answer.

[eleanorrigby1]

I get so confused, my boyfriend seems to be obsessed with 'rowing' and the fact that we don't. I told him the other day that something bothered me and we discussed it and its fine, but he said to me "You should have said somehing at the moment it happened! we might have had a row but thats good it clears the air" i said "I wasnt avoiding a row, I didnt say anything at the time it happened because I was upset and wanted my head to be clear so I knew what i wanted to say and how I wanted to say it"

 

He laughs and says "Have you never rowed with anyone?" its like he almost wants me to be neurotic and go off the deep end. He once said that if something is worth having it has to be hard work. At the time we were talking about his PHD and my Degree and how we are both getting to the stage where we feel stressed and like dropping out, but when he was talking I could tell he also meant in life.

 

He had a long term relationship with a girl who I think was a total * * * * * to him and broke his heart twice and yet he said to me "If she hadnt of dumped me, I would still be with her now"

 

It torments me, because I think we get on great and our relationships is still new 6.5 months and that we havent had any need to row. but he seems to be obsessed with the fact and sees it as unhealthy.

 

When people say you shouldnt be so easy that the other person looses interest I get scared because I think "well what should I do? be a * * * * * for no reason? cause a row for f*ck all? shout at him for being nice to me?"

[justpaisley]

eleanorrigby1 -

 

I think I understand where your BF is coming from, because at first, I was the same way. After a period of... adjustment in the beginning of my marriage, we just stopped fighting. When issues come up now, we discuss them with one another, come to a conclusion, and move on. We always compromise. The last time we got into a fight was absolutely my fault - I was on fertility medication and out of my mind with hormones. I refused to listen and just basically started yelling... and throwing things... I blame the hormones. But that was in November, and we haven't fought since.

 

It's a little confusing to me, like to your boyfriend, because there's the old adage that "all couples fight." It's also a little confusing to me because I come from a family full of divorces, so I think that if nothing's wrong with our marriage, I have to figure out what IS wrong. (I'm working with a therapist.) It's just not the case that couples have to fight all the time to be "normal" though - rational discussion and level headedness win every time. As long as you discuss the things that bother you, and don't let them eat you alive, you simply won't get into arguments.

[soph4487]

relationships are about give and take, u cant be selfish u you to comprimise and puit yourself out for eachother!

[Cyberchick]

For me, I have had to work somewhat with my current relationship because I have had very unhealthy relationships in the past and developed an unhealthy concept of love so I've been working to change that through my current relationship. It's not easy, I want to bail sometimes because it feels so unfamiliar. But it's totally worthwhile because I do love him very much and he's amazing. It's never been work to like him or love him, the majority of the work I've done in the relatioonship has been on myself.

[Momene]

The hardest thing is that things may be easy when you first meet but you both change and so does the world around you. Sometimes the changes are too much and the relationship breaks. Then there's the relationships that should never have started in the first place...