letting him go

[kookie2004]

i have been married for 18+ years my husband has critised me and cheated for most of it, i stayed true to my vows and hoped i could make it work,instead i feel lonley worthless and unloved.we have sepeated many times but i always end up feeling sorry for him so i let him work from the house whilst separated. it was in fact like we were still married the only difference he went home at 6.in my heart i thought we were building bridges but i have found that he has been seeing someone for two years that he loves her and she wants babies.i am devastated by this latest turn of events. in these two years he has said he loves me,slept with me then went home to her.

i do not know why i cant let go after all that he has done to me.i still feel like the faliure.

perhaps someone can advise me how to let go without feeling so empty.

[shyanne]

the fact that he leaves you to go to her should help you get over him. 18years, how can you accept that. one way to help get over him, don't sleep with him. why, he'll just leave and you'll feel like crap. i would stop him from coming over. he can work from his new house or the office. if he wanted you, he wouldn't be with her. try to remember that everytime your feeling down. i know you have many years to get over but be strong. your worth more.

[chai714]

Kookie,

 

Sorry to hear about your loss. It's noble of you to want to keep your vows, but in the end you were the only one who was truly dedicated to your marriage. He was not. Meanwhile, he deceived you for many years and took advantage of you.

 

For the time being, you have no choice but to walk away from him or he will continue to take advantage of you. It will not be easy - walking away from someone you love is by far the most difficult thing to do - but in this case it's the best thing for you for the long term. It's normal to feel like a failure but realize that it's not your fault whatsoever. You didn't cheat, he did. In other words, you held up your end of the deal and proved true but he did not. Try not to feel bad about yourself.

 

Meanwhile, surround yourself with family and friends. File for a divorce and see a lawyer if necessary. Good luck and hang in there.

[jojo44dd]

Dearest Friend,

I have somewhat been in your place. My husband has cheated on me more than a couple times and has down graded me for whatever he could think of. I wanted to give up just like you. I wanted all the hurt and pain to go away. But no matter how hurt he made me, I still loved him with all of my heart. To me marriage is forever and you know when the time is right to get married. My husband has not cheated on me ( Far as I am aware of ) in 3 years. One night I got so tired of all the crap he was dishing out. So I ask him to set and talk with me rationally. With out the rude comments. Cause he would think he was perfect and he never did any wrong. Everyone else was the dumb, or stupid ones. He would tell me that I would never screw up if I was as great as he was. But now since time has past we have talked and have decided to work with each other instead of against each other. Maybe if he had the crap scared out of him them he would wake up. But if he comes over and sleeps with you and leaves he is wanting one thing and that is not your love. Or maybe He can't deep down let you go and he does not know how to show it to you. Men are funny like that the hide behind a wall. Like they have no emotions. But dear deep down they hurt like little girls if not more.. But if he can not tell you he loves you and can respect you for who you are.. Than there is anyways a person who can show and give you better...Ask yourself one question? " DO I DESERVE BETTER, OR IS THERE BETTER OUT THERE FOR ME?" There is always a man that is looking and starving for the same thing you are...

[the yang to the worlds yin]

I'm so sorry, I've never been married so I can't imagine how this must feel to you, but I can think of a few tips to perhaps help you rebuild your life and self again. When you start to feel empty, don't focus on him, but focus on yourself, write a list to begin with of the things that you enjoy doing and the great things about yourself. Hopefully that'll remind you of what you do deserve and what you don't deserve. What you don't deserve is a man who clearly has his heart somewhere else. It hurts now, but as time and healing comes, you'll see how much better you can be treated by friends and others. You never deserve to be mistreated, but sometimes it happens and thats when you need to fully cut both your losses and the people that did so.