Giving space/feeling terrified - need support

[sabena]

Hello, well i am still giving him space, he is away for his birthday weekend with friends enjoying himself while I sit here and feel incredibly anxious. How do you get this feeling to go? I wish he would just tell me whether he wants me or not because this is killing me, and I fear that he just letting me go gently as he has never dumped anyone before.

 

One side of me constantly says "if he didn't want you he would have just told you there and then" and then the other side says "come on, he said he cared for you, and couldn't imagine life without you, but was unhappy, so maybe he needs to work out which feeling is stronger and which one he can work out more"...

 

But I am scared, I am scared of being alone, I have friends lots of them, but I feel like a record at the moment, and don't want to keep pestering them, what if they get fed up? All I have ever wanted in life is to have fun and be loved, and I got it in this guy but I stupidly didn't see it until it was too late...now I am terrified, and I can cope with crying and depression but the anxiety feelings are horrible and I don't know whether to do to the doctor's to get something or if someone can help..

 

please help i don't know what to do

[Turboz]

Hi

 

Take this advice: Don't pester him. the last thing any guy wants is a desperate girl/woman constantly on his case about whether he loves her or not. You may be hurting a lot at the moment, but don't let it show.

 

Easy way through it? - Play it cool. When he's back from his birthday trip be seen in some really great looking clothes or something with your friends - possibly even flirting with a few other fella's. When he realises what he may be missing out on.... Well take it from me he'll soon be making his way back to you (if he has any intelligence). If he doesn't then move on there's obviously something better waiting out there for you.

 

If you think you have problems read mine - This has been stretched out over 4 months!

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[Goldie]

Ay up mate... How's the weekend going chuck? Are you coping? Putting on a brave face but sighing every minute like me? One minute you're okay but the next you feel that nasty sinking feeling in your tummy? It's the worse thing isn't it.

 

I can't believe he's dumped me. But I do feel better than hanging on... like you're doing now.

 

Sabena, my ex was doing what your boyfriend is doing now. He is taking the p*ss. You need to end it with him and move on.

 

I am PETRIFIED of being alone again. It sounds like you've done the same as me. You've become dependent on him rather than loving him.

 

I know you don't want to hear all this. It's the last thing you want to admit. But he is taking you for a ride. If he loves you and is worth it then he will chase you.

 

My mum dumped my dad three times before they committed. She just wasn't sure. But coz my dad loved her so much and wanted to be with her he kept chasing and chasing and proved his worth.

 

So I know it sounds hard, but think how powerful you'll feel if you called him on the phone now and said in a really confident and cocky voice.. 'Look, darling.. this just isn't working. I've decided I don't want to see you anymore. Hope you're having a good weekend. Ciao!'

 

Seriously.. DO IT! He is making you miserable and you deserve so much better. Just think of all the time you're wasting.

 

My heart is breaking in two and I am being so brave. But I wish I'd ended it first. If my ex loves me and if I love him and if we truly are meant to be together then we WILL be together. The same goes for you

 

I'm going out tonight dressed up like a slapper. Short skirt, backless halter neck, killer heels.... Sparkly makeup and sexy slick hair. I'm doing it for attention and attention I'm going to get. Possibly even a snog?? I'm not ready for it. But hell, I have a mate who is in a coma at the mo and when he wakes up, IF he wakes up, he'll never lead a normal life again.

 

So I'm going to enjoy myself tonight whether I like it or not and I'm going to act like a single confident and independent young woman.

 

It's all part of the healing process.. Even though I absolutely adore my ex.

 

And calling him 'my ex' tears at every corner of my soul. I've never loved anyone as much as him. But I also have to love myself.

 

Good luck chick and don't make the same mistake as me. DUMP HIM NOW xxxxxxxxx

[sabena]

hello goldie hun, yes i agree with all that you are saying, and so do all of my friends...but i can't...and i think you probably know i can't call him. but seriously i know its over and if it weren't i dont think i want him back...i cannot believe someone would hurt me like this, but you know i kinda want him to end it so i can tell him what a beep he is and how i think he should never be allowed to do this again.

 

I am keeping busy, hey today i went in a helicopter with an ex for an hour and what a thrill! tonight me too getting dressed up like a slapper and going out with my buddies...

 

I have joined another climbing club and i am going to do things my way, but i still need closure on this relationship and i know i will miss him but i also know that out there somewhere is someone for me...

 

he was great for a while, got me away from my ex-husband but now i think i have to find my own two feet and today is a high,, tomorrow may be a low, and when it finally gets said its over it will be sad but i will live...and grow and learn and do stuff that i want to do...and for that i am both scared and excited for...

 

*hugs you*

 

take care hun...we will one day be happy in love forever

[musicchicus]

I agree with Turboz...play it cool, standoffish. Move on with your life (at least in front of him). You MUST appear to him apathetic...if he comes back fine, if not no biggie.

 

This will make him miss you...especially if he sees other men talking with you and being intersted. I know its hard, but give it a shot!

 

And STOP worrying about being single - YOU WILL SURVIVE! But you HAVE to believe that in order to convince him that you are apathetic!

 

Trust me!

[kinatra]

Obviously he doesn't want to hurt your feelings and loves you very much, which is why he is asking you to hold on while he makes up his mind. Or he could be just delaying the obvious - your break up. I think you have to decide what you want...but I don't agree with playing games and dressing up all sexy for him, etc. Marriage and relationships are about being who we are....the last thing you want to do when you go into a relationship under false pretenses, which includes not knowing who you are or if you are ready.

 

Marriage is a big step and......hey I just think that you shouldn't play games. Be straight with him and say, "You know I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. But if you don't feel the same way then you need to let us go so that we can both find the people we are supposed to end up with." I tell you the real trick is finding out what is really on his mind, but guys (myself included) have a hard time doing that because we don't want to hurt you. But if you truly want to know what he is feeling, you must promise him that you will not get mad or cry and that, for right now, you are, as you have been, his best friend in which to confide his secrets.

 

I don't know....just my two cents,

 

Kinatra