whats going on?

[liquidsilk]

when me and my girlfriend got together, we started with kissing, and i soon found that she enjoys dry humping. i found it interesting, but you know... anything that works for her so fast forward to 1 month ago. we both had sex for the first time.

now to the point. when we hang out now, shell climb on top of me, and start kissing me, and then start rubbing. then well start having sex.

1. she wont even think twice about picking up the phone if someone is calling.

2. it seems like she does it now just to get it over with sometimes.. and just want to leave... or like today, her brother called, and she stopped right in the middle of it.. who does that anyway??

3. she never wants to have an orgasm. shell stop sometimes just so she doesnt. she says she "doesnt want to" but i cant comprehend that.

so this means that i am not satisfying her, or i dont know what the heck is going on, but i dont feel too great about it. if anyone can make any sense of all this.. write back

also... she will not do any oral, at all.

im sorry if i made her sound strange... i love this girl to death, but this has really been bugging me lately

[Cyberchick]

She has issues with sex, that much is obvious. You said that a month ago, you both had sex for the first time. Should I take that to mean you were both virgins, or was it the first time you had sex in your relationship? If you weren't virgins, what has her sexual experience been like in her other relationships? Was she abused in her past? Did she have a religious upbringing or some kind of other messages that has convinced her that sex is dirty or sinful? It sounds like she could be afraid of intimacy and surrendering herself to it. Have you tried discussing this with her? You have the right to tell her how the situation is making you feel. Not in an accusatory way, as though she's done something wrong, but just expressing how you feel about things.

 

How is your relationship outside of the bedroom? What are the things that make your relationship good?

 

She might need therapy to overcome her issues. If you two determine that she does need therapy, is that something you'd be supportive of and maybe join her in? How long have you been together, by the way?

 

Either way, you two need to talk and open up the lines of communication, or the issue will get worse.

 

Good luck and keep us posted. I hope you can work on things.

[Cyberchick]

Oh, and in the meantime... don't take her lack of interest in sex as something you are responsible for, as the result of you not having the ability to please her. The issue may not even have ANYTHING to do with you, and I would hate for you to feel inadequate over something you may not have control over.

[liquidsilk]

we were both virgins before last month. shes made out with guys before, but it never went past anything to do with the hand. she was somewhat abused by her parents, although she wasnt beaten. we both had a religious upbrinding, so yes, sex is a dirty old sin. Outside of the bedroom, we have a tough life. both of our parents are pretty hardcore strict, and we have our own struggles. recently, we had a few arguments aboutgetting too close to other friends, and me getting jealous, but my friend made me realize that we just hadnt set any kind of boundaries. i am open to discussing anything with her, and i dont know how to determine if she needs therapy, but id definitely be happy to go with her. how do i bring this up without upsetting her, or making her feel like shes some kind of weirdo, because even though i think the science of psychology and the observation of peoples behavior is amazing, it is critisized and not thought too highly of in our culture, along with many things. weve been going out for 8 months now, and we are both 18.

[Jhodas]

Sounds like she needs a lesson in etiquette. I don't give a flying duck who's calling, you don't stop for anything short of world war 3. It's rude.

[liquidsilk]

yeah... i agree. she always gets uptight and thinks her parents know everything shes doing, as if they have access to infrared satellite technology. why would she be like that?

 

this brings up another issue. i talked to her dad because we got in trouble one day with me being at her house and her parents not being there. her father and i agreed that we will only hang out when we have someone with us like her sis or bro (which is impossible... and, annoying) but i tried, and she has no problem breaking any rule that her dad sets, and risks us getting in to trouble. i think her dad is testing us, and we arent supposed to be talking after 9. she doesnt give a crap. she wont let me off the phone, shell cry, and say i dont care about her, and make a huge fuss that i "dont want to talk to her"... but i do enjoy talking to her, but i dont want to risk our relationship. and in no way that i explain this will she understand. it seems like what we are doing at the moment is a higher priority than the overall picture.

[Sylph]

Either way, you two need to talk and open up the lines of communication, or the issue will get worse.

This is entirely correct.

 

Communication in a relationship is a must, it's important to be at least honest with each other's feelings. If you have something on your mind you should say so, the chances are putting it off and just 'putting up with it' will only develope into something worse.

 

It is entirely possible that she doesn't know you want to communicate, it's entirely possible that she wants to talk but isn't sure if you want to or not. Just find a suitable situation where you can talk without interruption (if she's affriad about someone walking in or over hearing the chances are a serious conversation might not happen), just let her understand that you have concerns and would like to talk about them.

 

She might not open up to this immediately, it could take her a while to process this properly and decide what she wants to do. If it turns out she doesn't want to communicate then really all you can do is wait and be there for her if she decides otherwise. It sounds like a delicate situation so I advise that you remain patient.