Best Friends..

[yy99]

Just wondering how many guys here are okay with their gf to have best male friends?

Would most those guys be actually thinking they are just best friends or they have other intentions?

When should I be concerned?

I hate to be jealous or feeling insecure, but it's getting there.. Because her best male friend just confessed(again), along with few others, she doesn't want to loose them, so she doesn't know what to tell them.

What should or shouldn't I do right now and in the future regarding this stuff? What would u do? Everyone's opinions plz. Thx!!

[thegirl_00]

Well my bf is currently in the same situation you are. We just started dating so he doesn't tell me if it bothers his that all my friends are guys, but i think that it might a little. However, he has no need to be concerned or worried becuase i have talked to him about it. I would suggest that you talk to your gf about these guys and if it's bothering you then tell her and try to find a way to work around it.

[Momene]

As a general idea, many people (including my wife and I) like to have friends of the opposite sex and find them more supportive in emotional issues than same-sex friends. However, there are "friends" who hang around people who are attached like vultures, waiting for some sort of rift to develop, so they can step in. Some "friends" will actually try to engineer a break-up. However, most people respect others' relationships.

 

Really I'd need to know more before giving more specific advice.

 

Good luck.

 

What you are and aren't morally able to to do depends on the status of your relationship. If you've only been dating a few weeks, you do need to maintain separate social lives as a bolt-hole for if/when you split. If you're live-in/permanent, you haven't the right to tell each other who you can or can't see but you are certainly OK to express concern and make sure that any "would-be partner" is kept at arm's length and is not alone with your g/f.

[emtay_1]

i think it depends.

 

do you live together?

 

do you know this guy/guys?

 

one of my best friends is a guy but he's also friends with my boyf so i think if he's just a frriend cant you meet him and do stuff together?

[yy99]

Thanks for the replies!

In my previous relationship(3 years together), I trusted my gf. She had a lot of guy friends, I didn't mind at all. I know most of them, and we're always cool hanging out. I thought we all just friends, and it made her happy too since she gets to see her friends. I did let her hang out with them or just with one person without me sometimes, I thought it's no problem. Eventually she cheated with one of them, I had to find out in a hard way, so it made me unable to think the same way again.

This new girl I've met, we are still fairly new into the relationship(3 months). I like her a lot. I won't force her to see certain people only, it's always good to keep your friends. I don't know those guy friends of hers yet, but I am cool to meet with them eventually. I just have slight trouble of trusting her or those friends, since i dont' want a repeat. Especially I know some of them are looking for more than just friendship, and it doesn't help when she doesn't know what to tell them. Is it too early for me to think this way? Should I just be cool about it and hoping for the best? Should I help her what to say to those guys or let her decide?

[Momene]

It's difficult so early in the relationship as at 3 months most people are not committed this early and many may not even be exclusive. I would help her to decide what to tell them, as she shouldn't lead them on, although many people will do that, as they like the attention. I understand the trust issue, too, as it's happened to me. The problem is though, that if someone is really determined to cheat, they'll find a way of doing it, regardless of any restrictions they might agree to.

[yy99]

Thanks Momene!

 

Well said, if they want to cheat, they'll find a way to do it regardless of any restrictions. It definitely helped me realizing it.

 

I'll tell her it's cool she can hang out and have fun with her guy friends, but if she does anything wrong, she'll loose me. I can only control what I do..

 

I did tell her what I thought she can say to the guy. Just be honest and hope he will understand. Maybe I should get to know all of them too, keep the enemies closer.

[Momene]

Thanks Momene!

 

Well said, if they want to cheat, they'll find a way to do it regardless of any restrictions. It definitely helped me realizing it.

 

I'll tell her it's cool she can hang out and have fun with her guy friends, but if she does anything wrong, she'll loose me. I can only control what I do..

 

I did tell her what I thought she can say to the guy. Just be honest and hope he will understand. Maybe I should get to know all of them too, keep the enemies closer.

 

Perhaps if you befriended them they wouldn't feel like trying to take her away from you but (for now) they should be your girlfriend's friends first as they would be her bolt-hole if you split.