Depressed again...

[Stinkweed]

After a great week, then a pretty decent spring break, I'm once again depressed... I'm starting to think it's not very normal, because it has happened ever since I was 14 that I get depressed on and off. Or maybe I could be bipolar or something, because I might be the happiest person one minute then something bad happens and I turn into the most miserable being to walk the earth. Nothing is going my way right now, and nothing is what I expected would be. I'm not looking forward to my future because I'm not even going to the school I wanted to go to. I just wish I could fill every remaining second of this year with memories, making the most out of my time. But it's either not possible, or I just can't do it because I suck. A couple of weeks before spring break I was also depressed and I said I'd go talk to a therapist right after spring break. Then I started to get my hopes up and think positively, but up to now nothing good has happened. I just feel like screaming my lungs out until they are liquefied, or till I bust an artery in my brain, or until my eyes explode, or all of the above if it is possible at all. I just feel like right now I'm a failure in life, and even though I think I'm gonna try my best and that there's a chance I'm gonna do well in the future, it's not gonna be the case, because nothing that is good that I expect ever comes to happen. And people wonder why I am such a pessimist... God, when will the cycle end? Nobody understands me... It's probably another reason why I can't socialize very well, why I've never had a girlfriend, why I can't make more friends; the very few I have have very little in common with me and I'm very luch because they accept all my differences but I keep loosing friends, plus we are gonna part ways pretty soon, and I know I won't be seeing them anymore. Where I'm going to, Best-case scenario: I'll at least make a couple of friends just like I did here... But maybe I should expect something more, seeing as everytime I expect something good to happen, it doesn't go half as well as I thought. God, I feel like a prisoner of fate... I can't go on like this. It feels like everytime I get depressed, I'm just killing more and more minutes of my life doing nothing but feeling like a foolish unimportant shadow.

[Stinkweed]

I'm tired, but I can't even sleep thinking about this... I think I do really want to talk to a therapist. How can I find one? I don't want my parents to know, because last time I told them I wanted to talk to a therapist they were like "you don't need to" and "just talk to us", and believe me, talking to them does not help AT ALL...

[itsallgrand]

((Stinkweed))

 

The teenage years are tough enough to begin with. I'm sorry things are so rough for you lately.

 

Are there any other adults you trust who you could turn to besides your parents? An uncle, an older cousin, that sort of thing? That may help with the support while looking and seeing a therapist - also to help let your parents know that you really are having a very difficult time and just need a little bit of an extra boost.

 

It's tough when parents aren't keen on these things. They try their very best - but let's face it eh 'sometimes they just don't get it!'

 

Anyhoo, you could find a therapist via a school councillor or a local mental health agency or a doctor.

It would be much better if your parents knew tho: maybe they would soften up to the idea over time.

 

Meanwhile, try to be kind to yourself. Things have a way of getting better.

 

lots of love