Anyone else ever felt like loving again is like too much to think about?

[sweetheart230]

I mean i've been officially over my last relationship for like four or five months and done a lot of soul searching. I've dealt with some self image problems, shyness and about what I want and what I learned from my first serious relationship. I still think about him, but essentially, I'm getting ready to move on.

 

I started out by just working on being friendlier and less shy. I smiled more, and started to talk to people and be relaxed, natural, warm and not take anything seriously. The results were fantastic. I just started to feel comfortable with myself and I actually started-- gulp-- flirting with guys. Now its like I can't turn it off. I'm still shy and send way too many mixed messages, but guys are like all over me where ever I go. Like I think you can tell if a guy likes you by his eyes and the way he looks at you. Surffice it to say, I get that look a lot now and I feel so proud of myself for being so open and coming out of my shell.

 

But dating again? It seems like a lot. These little flirtations are fun, but falling in love again- I can't even imagine it. I want to fall in love again and I know it will happen. But the idea seems so foreign, so weird to me. I can't even remember how I fell in love with my * * * * * of an ex. It took so long for the relationship to become serious.

 

Its not that I don't want a boyfriend. I'm sort of neutral on the whole thing... I'm happy and I'm only mildly interested in one guy right now. But loving again... it seems like its too big to happen again. Realistically I know it will and all, but I can't imagine meeting the right one. Even dating seems big to me, let alone falling in love. It just got so comfortable with him, and everyone I meet now is so, well, unfamiliar.

 

Anyone else feel this sort of unfamiliarity with dating after a break up? This whole "what the hell did I do before him... I can't even remember" sort of feeling. The idea of loving again being too big to think about? What do you do about it? Does time take care of it?

[shyanne]

that's great your not shy anymore. i'm sure you feel like a new person. i can't really give you advise on dating but one thing i tell everyone i know that is single...... stop looking so hard and it will come. sometimes when we search for the perfect person, it doesn't happen and can bring us down. i would just enjoy life, meeting, talking to new people and one day you'll find someone special.. there is someone out there for everyone. sometimes it just takes time. good luck

[shes2smart]

Recalling my break-up experiences, what's held true for me is that I have to fall in love with myself again before falling in love with someone else becomes possible.

 

For me that took the form of re-building my life with a combination of old and new interests/hobbies, and a "vacation" from dating and the entire boy-girl thing. That meant not actively looking. If someone interesting came along, perhaps some casual dating, but not expecting it to go anywhere.

 

Post-break up is a great time to be selfish in a nurturing sort of way. In the long run, I think that's more beneficial than jumping back into the dating pool quickly as possible.

[sweetheart230]

That's kind of what I've been trying to do... rebuild my life and love myself first. I'm doing even better than I could have ever imagined. But I guess I sort of feel pressure to find a boyfriend again cause I miss the snuggling and stuff and my (bad) friend keeps bragging about hers. But the thought of it is so overwhelming, you know?

 

Thanks for the imput!

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Yes! I have been there, I'm not sure I'm not there now. I was really in love with a guy a very long time ago and I wasn't interested in any other guy for quite a long time! I've never really loved anyone like that before or since, but yep I hear you, it's hard to try to get 'close' to someone, and when it doesn't work out, it makes you feel really weird! Like if you just stay single you don't have to go through all that ups and downs.

[shes2smart]

If you miss physical contact with another person, one substitute for that is getting a massage.

 

I've been going to a Licensed Massage Therapist on a regular basis for years. During the times I was single, it helped alleviate "skin hunger" -- plus reducing stress, making me feel pampered, and generally feeling good.

 

In Ohio, Massotherapists have to be licensed by the State Medical Board, but that's not the case in all states. Generally upscale salons or spas have an LMT...or if you go to a chiropractor, s/he may be able to refer you to one.

[gesssho0o]

We're on the same page sweetheart! The concept of falling in love again, being in love again, seem so foreign right now. And it's actually a good thing. You really hit the nail on the head with your musings - "I can't even remember how I fell in love with my * * * * * of an ex" and not being able to imagine the feeling.

 

Well, for me, I remember while the break up was happening, not being able to imagine life WITHOUT this person and not being able to imagine dating again (perish the loathsome thought!). And NOW, after months have gone by, I have healed and actually love being single and am extremely happy and content now, I can't imagine how life was WITH that person! Basically, it's just the fear of the unknown and unfamiliar. But once you dive headfirst and realize you have nothing to lose, the fear just fades away into the background.

 

I've been back on the dating scene for months now, and it is definitely still unfamiliar territory for me. But I am learning a lot. After being comfortably ensconced in a relationship for 3 years, you get rusty with the whole idea of dating. I'm not sure if I'm re-learning it or making new leaps in educating myself about dating... but either way, meeting new people and dating around are certainly teaching me things about myself and relationships. And that knowledge always helps in future relationship(s).

[music_girl]

yeah i know how you feel

 

bu you can'tlet it stop you maybe if you start little going out with a group of friends (girls and boys) or double dating (which is usually fun