"friendzoned" solutions

[Dating Coach]

That's not the real you, those were actions and inexperience talking. And if this is the biggest blunder you make in your life, then you should pass on as one happy feller. Much worse things happen in this world.

 

What I suggest is that you keep your mind open for learning more about dating and attracting women. link removed offers a lot of help.

[monsieur]

funny how we are getting so few responses from women on this, when they are generally the benefactors and seem to enjoy friendzoned situations greatly, meanwhile the guys are absolutely torn up to shreds inside and damaged for life by the situations

 

I guess hopefully at the very least they are reading and understanding.

[PocoDiablo]

I honestly have zero desire to meet anyone else. absolutely zero. the idea seems like such a huge letdown I just can't even think of it. my heart is invested so deeply in this girl and every day I get even more attached to her. if I do ultimately fail, I think I will stay single for a very very long time. she invited me over yesterday, today I am already checking my email every 15 minutes hoping she will call me. I dreamt about her last night. I know it's hard because she said she only wanted to be friends, but how can a person possibly go on like this and not get more connected? it just makes no sense. the longer I treat her so well logic says that her heart will open for me. every day that goes by I get more and more deeply attached to her.

Wow, if she's like a normal woman, she's going to run for the hills. Dude, you are bordering on stalking her.

 

You've got a bad case of one-itis.

 

Overcoming One-itis

 

One-itis is a seduction term used to describe a guy's unnatural obsession with one particular girl or woman. I suspect most guys, including my-self when I was younger, have been fixated by one particular girl or woman for no apparent reason. I remember in my late teens, I couldn't get the girl-next-door out my head – I was obsessed by her, but I never asked her out on a date! I know better now!

 

Obsession with one girl is unnatural, because there are millions and millions and millions of them out there! Once a guy has many options - many girls to choose from - it's unlikely he will becomed fixated by one particular woman. Generally, only men with limited or no options with respect to women become obcessed by one girl.

 

An effective way for a guy to overcome one-itis is to learn good PU (pick-up) skills so he can meet lots of interesting and attractive women. Then, and probably only then, he realises his obsession with one girl is silly and not natural as there are many single girls out there and some probably more compatible.

 

Also, one-itis in a relationship will certainly undermine it. Women don't find insecure, clingy men attractive – in fact they find them a big turn off! Being possessive and unassertive because of an obsession with a particular girl will have opposite effect of what most guys think – she won't be interested or won't be interested for too long.

 

Relize oneitis is bad in picking up women and bad in relationships too!

As soon as you can walk away, be the string the cat wants to chase, she'll be all over you. But you don't because you think this is the only woman who has ever given you attention so you can't lose her. The problem is because you think that way you DRIVE ALL WOMEN AWAY.

 

There are BILLIONS on women on this planet, and you can have nearly any woman you want IF you make a serious decision to learn some social skills.

 

God. If you checked for my email like that I'd ditch you so fast it's not even funny.

 

Get out of your house. Go get lunch. Sit outside. Say Hi to some people. Email her the NEXT DAY and she'll be thrilled you didn't sit and wait all day for her to email like some nut job.

 

Women want a mature ADULT not some clingy baby. You're acting like a child. You'll never get her back acting like that.

 

Man... sorry to be harsh but ... dang, get a grip! You just need to snap out of it and realize you are letting dozens of other women pass you by because you have blinders on!

[PocoDiablo]

funny how we are getting so few responses from women on this, when they are generally the benefactors and seem to enjoy friendzoned situations greatly, meanwhile the guys are absolutely torn up to shreds inside and damaged for life by the situations

 

I guess hopefully at the very least they are reading and understanding.

With all due respect, most women cannot articulate what they want in a way that men can understand. And the fact that you seek advice from women but fail to realize your complete and utter failure with women is *because* you seek advice from women.

 

Why would you take advice from a woman on being in a relationship with a woman. Has she ever been in a relationship with a woman? There are a notable number of women on this site who give good advice, but that's incredibly rare in the real world. If you want good advice, you need to get it either from women in LESBIAN relationships or MEN who have success with women. Otherwise you are taking advice from inexperienced people.

 

Would you take advice from your mechanic on how to fix your plumbing? How about from me on how to run a restaurant? Or a child on how to fly an airplane? You seek advice from the wrong sources and that's why you are stuck in this place.

 

Wake up. Smell the coffee. Take advice from men who are SUCCESSFUL with women and you too can be successful. DiggityDogg is great, as are many of the people on my site he linked. There are tons of resources. But you have to understand ... talk to experienced people who have been where you need to go.

[Prenkle]

Guys -

 

It happens to women too. I have liked guy friends who only wanted to be just friends. The effect after telling them is usually the end of an otherwise great friendship. I guess we weigh our choices more seriously. Friendship means a lot to me even if it may mean forgoing a possible romantic relationship.

 

Will the lost opportunity (romance) hurt more or will the lost friendship hurt more?

[swordfish]

that is definatly a major problem. one that im facing at the moment. what do you do if you are having a great friendship already? but if you dont say anything it could get worse or arkward and more harder to say anything as time goes on. i guess theres only one way to find out...

[grymoire]

Guys -

 

It happens to women too. I have liked guy friends who only wanted to be just friends. The effect after telling them is usually the end of an otherwise great friendship. I guess we weigh our choices more seriously. Friendship means a lot to me even if it may mean forgoing a possible romantic relationship.

 

Will the lost opportunity (romance) hurt more or will the lost friendship hurt more?

 

Please tell me that you are kidding Prenkle!

 

Do you mean to say that your guy friend is more worthy than your boyfriend? And if you really really like a guy and didn't want to lose him you will have him as a friend instead of a boyfriend? I am really finding it so hard to believe..

 

By this logic all the guys that get the "Sorry but I don't want ruin our friendship" should actually feel happy.

[MacGyverRI]

there must be some success stories out there? come on people, if you were in a friends relationship that ended up romantic, what happened to turn the tides? what are your secrets or how did your SO convince you?

 

 

You are NOT going to convince her! Just don't have any contact with her except to say "hi", then WALK AWAY and go talk to other people.

[RayF]

I stumbled upon this thread becaus this happened to me before and now i'm falling for another friend. Wait I have a COMPLETE SUCESS STORY.

 

The relationship ended mind you, but we had gone through so much, that the fact that we were frends first was really insignificant, it ended for other reasons but it was the best thing i've experenced so far.

 

We started out as friends, I too fell into the friendzone and suffered in absolute agony while she didn't seem to even know i liked her.

 

Then i dropped the bomb. Kissed her. told her i wanted more and Scared the hell out of her. She had to "think about it" for a few weeks. She eventually turned me down. Her reasoning is that it was just to hard to go from friend to boyfriend she would later tell me that she was just scared of a relationship, but regardless one things for certian... women like to keep their options open and

 

ONLY WHEN THEY HAVE SOMETHING TO LOSE DO THEY TAKE ACTION

 

So what did i do? I grew a set and said, i'm sorry our friendship had to end up this way, but we can't go back now. I made you my offer and told you how i felt, if you left it, then thats your decision and I'll be seeing you around, good luck and goodbye.

 

The very next day i happened to run into her and she totally changed her mind. After she felt liek she had somethign to lose, she woke up wondering if she made a huge mistake and would be missing out on the best thing in the world.

 

Later when we had been together for awhile she admitted to me she had always liked me too. But in retrospect, i know how it was. Of course she liked me, i was nice, cute, got along with her. but never had that romantic spark because i didn't give her anything.

 

I just don't think it happems to women as much as guys. they get all caught up in another person in secret. For whatever reasons, women can be content with just friendship, even if they do think the guy is good looking and they get along with him. I think it does hsve to do with the fct that a guy is expected to show interest etc in the beginning of the relationship. Once the girl figures you're not interested, sand romantic intrigue she had about you will disappear.

 

friendzone is a crap thing to deal with/

[k2004myway]

IMHO, the best way to get out of the friendzone, if you're in it, is to show her how much she really likes you--by backing way off and hanging out with other people. She'll might actually stop lying to herself and admit that she actually is attracted to you. I've seen this happen many times before.

[MacGyverRI]

IMHO, the best way to get out of the friendzone, if you're in it, is to show her how much she really likes you--by backing way off and hanging out with other people. She'll might actually stop lying to herself and admit that she actually is attracted to you. I've seen this happen many times before.

 

 

They also seem to get jealous when you start dating someone like you're the standby and now oops, they may lose you. It doesn't happen often but it does happen.

[Gaz1987]

I've been reading the posts in this thread, and I think I've got what you call "one-titus", and yeah i agree the best way to go if you've already made it clear you like her and she's said 'good friends' is to distance yourself from her so you can get over her/so you don't look like an obsessive sado. BUT!, what do you do if you're living in the room opposite hers at uni and share the same kitchen every day? you can't ignore her then without coming off as * * * * who was only ever interested in getting into bed with her, and if shes not interested then he doesn't care even if she jumps off the nearest cliff.

 

Should you just wait until you move away from her?

 

it's so hard getting over someone you see everyday