words say one thing, actions another

[SummerLove]

My ex and I dated for 6 months. He then broke up with me for reasons I still don't completely understand. (somehow he went from loving me to not wanting a relationship at all within about a week.) It's been 4 months since our break up. We've tried the friend thing. He's ok with it. I'm not. I want to be more than friends. We still fool around and stuff but he says that he isn't sure if he wants to get back together. His exact words are "I don't know" whenever I ask if our relationship will ever progress. However, whenever I deny him and tell him that I don't want to be a part of what we have if it won't grow into anything more, he gets upset.

 

For instance, we went out to get some lunch the other day and we were having a pretty good time. A few days before we had hung out and pretty much acted like bf gf (if you know what I mean). When I tried to put my arm around him though that day he pulled away and was like "no no just friends." Then later that same day, when I was getting in my car and we hadn't messed around at all, he was kinda hinting at it. I confronted him about our relationship and he said "I don't know" again. I said that I was done with it and that I wasn't putting up with it anymore. He kept trying to hug me and was stroking my hand and playing with my hair. He said he didn't want me leaving on a bad note. I was just so mad at him that I didn't care. That hurts so much when he goes from one extreme to the other.

 

Is it a guy thing? Should I give it more time or move on? What can any of you make of this? I'd love to give it another shot, but he's not so willing it seems. Why? What can possibly be wrong? Please tell me anything that may help me figure out what the heck he is thinking in that head of his!

[Tigris]

He's playing games with you and you're falling for it. Stop seeing him altogether!

 

You deserve someone who'll treat you right.

 

Good luck

[Karibo]

I would stop seeing him for now as he is clearly having his cake and eating it at the moment. He doesn't want to commit, yet he wants to have sex with you all the time. maybe he is genuinely confused, but maybe not. How long were you together?

 

I would just say to him that you aren't going to see him at all, even on friendly terms, until he makes up his mind what he wants, then he can tell you. If he takes too long without making a decision you should try to move on from him completely. If he doesn't give you an answer, or he says he doesn't want to be with you after the no contact, then you know for definate that you deserve better and you can move on with your life, without him in it. I know how scary that sounds, but in the end, yuor happiness has to come first and if he carries on fooling you around, you will end up seriously hurt and miserable.

[SummerLove]

we don't have sex. lol. we're both virgins. we are both 16 too. I wouldn't be that stupid.

[SummerLove]

Also, I haven't talked to him in about a week. I don't know if I should call him tonight or just wait til he calls me.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Its not a guy thing - its a horny teenage thing. He wants to have sex with you. And you may be the closest he's come to that so far so the one he thingks he has the strongest chance with.

 

If he doesn't want to commit to you but use you for the fun stuff, I say be done with it.

 

Like FriscoDJ would say, NEXT!

[kellbell]

Hi there SummerLove,

 

I am sorry about your break-up. Ok...I am going to break down your post a bit and offer my insight and perspective.

 

"He then broke up with me for reasons I still don't completely understand. (somehow he went from loving me to not wanting a relationship at all within about a week.)"

 

Ok, in my experience, when a guy does this (not saying in all cases) he found someone else. Or he had his mind set on someone else. He may be still have his sights set on her.

 

"His exact words are "I don't know" whenever I ask if our relationship will ever progress."

 

Two things are going on here. One, he is just not into you...any guy whom WANTS to be a with a girl, he will be, he won't feed you this "I don't know" line. Second thing that MAY be happening, is that he does not know how things are going to turn out with another girl. He is keeping you around for insurance. I am not defiantely saying this is true, but I would not rule it out either.

 

"However, whenever I deny him and tell him that I don't want to be a part of what we have if it won't grow into anything more, he gets upset."

 

Well, this is no surprise, he gets upset because he is not getting his way. He wants his cake and to eat it too. He wants the girlfriend with no committments.

"When I tried to put my arm around him though that day he pulled away and was like "no no just friends." "

 

Hate to say it honey, but he wants to run this relationship and you let him. He wants to call the shots. That's why he gets upset when you challenge his position.

 

"He kept trying to hug me and was stroking my hand and playing with my hair. He said he didn't want me leaving on a bad note. I was just so mad at him that I didn't care. That hurts so much when he goes from one extreme to the other."

 

He wants to string you along. Not leaving on a bad note, well that is to ease his conscience. He goes from one extreme to another because he wants to run the show and when you don't he gets upset. He wants you to have no power.

 

" Is it a guy thing?"

 

No, this is not a guy things. This is behavior by a guy whom is just not that into you. He is playing you like a fiddle.

 

" Should I give it more time or move on?"

 

Move on. Sticking around is NOT going to "change" or "tame" him, nor is it going to make him "come around."

 

"I'd love to give it another shot, but he's not so willing it seems. Why? What can possibly be wrong?"

 

Honey, you have given plenty of chances. He is not willing because he is just not that into you. He is taking advantage of you and your are letting him, that what is wrong.

 

Have some respect for yourself and kick this guy to the curb once and for all. You deserve to be with someone who knows. Knows what he wants and puts in effort to be with you. He is out there but it is definitely not with this guy. Good luck and take care.

[passions1]

For a person who says "I don't know alot", his actions does speak alot that you 2 are friends with benefits. It looks like he doesn't want the responsibilities/seriousness/exclusiveness of a relationship, yet wants the purely physical part. It isn't fair to you & your emotions, so there is no need to continue seeing him if you 2 can't be platonic friends or an actual couple.

[SummerLove]

I really don't think there is anyone else. I've asked him about it and he tells me that he just doesn't want a relationship period. I'm really close to his mom too, I doubt she would let me come and go as I do and not let me know of anyone else.

[Tigris]

You can still go and visit his Mum but stop kissing or whatever you're doing. If you don't one day you're going to regret it.

 

Take care

[coollady1957]

Sounds like he is not ready to be commited. He seems too uncertain, and yes seems to be playing games with you. IF I were you, I would just move on with my life at this point.