broke up,got back together, in the meantime I cheated

[shes2cute4him]

hello first post, My boyfriend and I were having some problems. We took a break and during that break I cheated on him. It was only two weeks after the break and I cheated on him with a guy he is familiar with. I feel quilty but technically we weren't together. I was feeling really confused. Were back together now and I have never told him that I had slept with someone else. I'm wondering if I should tell him before he hears about it from someone else?

[lonely days]

When you two discussed taking a break was anything said about seeing other people. If not then i wouldn't say a thing but it seems as though you think you did cheat. That's a tough one, if you think that he is going to find out through the grapevine maybe you should tell him. On the other hand he may have done the same thing and hasn't told you.

[shes2cute4him]

when we took the break. i asked him if the break meant that we were going to see other people. he said that there was no rules to this break. (that hurt me alot) all thru my relationship with him I was so suspicious he was cheating on me. that was the main cause for our break up.

[bobo85]

this situation sounds so familiar to me except my ex-gf kissed another dude during a "break".

 

Honesty is the best policy. I thing this is somewhat in a grey area of cheating. I never believe in breaks anymore cuz its just a breakup with restrictions and hope of getting back together. When you guys went on this break...you two weren't technically together but i do know he's gonna feel betrayed since you two were technically not together...but still kinda were. I think you should tell him or this may eat you alive and it may hurt your future relationship with him. If he can't handle it..then oh well.

[shes2smart]

You have nothing to feel guilty about. A break with "no rules" sounds like "broke up" to me. You're not a mind reader, how could you know that you were going to get back together? You were living your life AS IF you were single, which is what everything you knew at that time would indicate.

 

Nothing to feel guilty about here, IMO. When you're broke up with someone, what you do is none of their business...and what they do is none of yours.

[bobo85]

You have nothing to feel guilty about. A break with "no rules" sounds like "broke up" to me. You're not a mind reader, how could you know that you were going to get back together? You were living your life AS IF you were single, which is what everything you knew at that time would indicate.

 

Nothing to feel guilty about here, IMO. When you're broke up with someone, what you do is none of their business...and what they do is none of yours.

 

Sorry...but they were NOT broken up. They were on a break which means they had the intention of getting back together sometime in the future. If they didn't...then thats called a BREAKUP..not a break.

[shes2cute4him]

the break only lasted two weeks. that is why i'm feeling quilty.

[shamus]

i'd say tell him. if he loves you, he may forgive you. i did that with my ex, because in my heart i felt she realized i was the man and that she had made a terrible mistake. i respected her honesty, and if i had found out otherwise, that would have hurt even worse.

the thing about loving someone, you also have to be their friend and forgive a mistake, if they are truly honest about it and show actual regret, as you seem to have done. as long as it doesnt happen again, it's a risk to take, but better to have something in the open rather than have it backfire on you

[NubianLove]

seriously it can go either way. U can tell him and he can accept it, or u can tell him, and it'll tear him apart, and tear u guys apart. Its on you, how do u think he'll take it.

[RandomAdvisor]

I don't think you should tell him. You weren't togehter.

 

How is your relationship otherwise, and why did you suspect he was cheating on you before? How long ago did the break end?

[OceanEyes]

when we took the break. i asked him if the break meant that we were going to see other people. he said that there was no rules to this break. (that hurt me alot)

 

Well, yeah, it would!

 

I can't tell you how it is, but I can tell you how I see things here:

 

- He was the one who said "this break has no rules". This heavily suggestsive of him having 'intentions' of his own. If he just wanted a break to clear his head and have some breathing room, he would have just said so. But, he made it very confusing and unclear.

 

- Telling him that you were with someone else will absolutely ruin the progress that you've made in trying to repair your relationship. If you see that you two are moving in a positive direction, keep this to yourself. Hell, you have NO idea what HE did during those two weeks either. Trust me, sometimes ignorance is bliss and it's better to just move on looking forward instead of dwelling on the past.

 

Yes, this situation is less than desirable. If it's really bothering you that much, then tell him. Otherwise, try to avoid making the same mistakes and take steps towards making the right decisions from now on.

[shes2smart]

Sorry...but they were NOT broken up. They were on a break which means they had the intention of getting back together sometime in the future. If they didn't...then thats called a BREAKUP..not a break.

 

Quite often people use a "break" as a prelude to a break-up or a trial break-up.

 

The OP said

technically we weren't together

and

i asked him if the break meant that we were going to see other people. he said that there was no rules to this break

 

Going on those two statements, it sure sounds like a trial break-up. Especially that "no rules" part. I'd interpret "no rules" to mean both parties are free to do whatever they wish with whomever they wish. Gosh, that does sound like a break-up, doesn't it? If seeing/getting involved with others was off-limits, then why wasn't that stated?

 

I never understood intentionally creating and going into the gray area of a "break." You're either in or you're out....otherwise you end up with situations like this where you have no idea what the boundaries are. It just creates confusion and ample opportunity to intentionally or unintentionally hurt each other.

[shes2cute4him]

ocean eyes yeah your right. when we broke up i really didn't understand. i really didn't do anything to cause the break. i assumed that he must have been seeing someone else. cause what else would cause the break?

 

i remember sreaming at him telling him i hope you and your new girl have a great time together. he got really angry with me over that. he could of been seeing someone i don't know for sure. but i agree i think i need to let go of the past.

[shes2cute4him]

shes2smart

 

thats the part that got to me the "no rules" satement. and he made it pretty clear. i specifally asked so does this break mean your going to be seeing other people. his reply was: there are no rules to this break, if we are meant to get back together it will happen naturally.

 

i probably shouldn't be feeling guilty then. he probably did the same.

[OceanEyes]

He didn't really give you much hope to hold onto, or make any promises to try and work things out.

 

In my opinion, you were a free agent.

[phaseone]

Don't tell him, its the nail in the coffin of your relationship. If there is absolutely no way of him finding out, keep that to yourself.

[onmyownagain]

Don't tell him. I found out my wife saw someone else when we were not together and now three months later I still think about it. Believe me, I wish I didn't know! She wasn't with me as we had split so it was none of my business, I know this to be true but my heart doesn't believe me