Help... & does NC help the other person miss you?

[mmd]

Im 16 and my girlfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago. We had lasted 1 year and 3 months, over that period of time we had been madly in love and nothing could separate us until I started to get mixed emotions about her and I broke up with her 2 or 3 times but we got back together and I love her to death. She recently broke up with me, reasons were that I wasn't treating her right I always went off my friends and this has been a reality check for me I never realised that I was doing this until she broke up with me and told me. They say you don't know what you've got until you've lost them... And I just lost the best thing that has ever happened to me.

 

I have been crying lots and I'm extremely upset, I have been to see the school counseller as well as many friend for advice. I have been told to stay away from her, this will help me prepare to get over her and move on as well as make her realise her true feelings if she does really have any for me. Over the past 2 weeks I have been to see her non stop but I realise now that it was wrong. How can she miss me if Im always around her? Now im just trying to hang out with friends as much as possible and trying to move on. But I just found out that she has been seeing this other guy I confronted her about it and she was honest and told me she was interested in him. I cant help but feel so down, Im thinking that maybe if shes with him she'll realise her feelings for me but then maybe not. We have so many good times together her and I loved each other to death... Girls never forget anything good in thier life right? I told her I would do anything to get her back. I recently asked her a bunch of questions which was stupid... And here is what she told me..

 

- She doesnt miss me (well I was always talking to her since the breakup) trying to back off now...

- The only thing she misses is haning out with her best friend cause we used to spend all our time together

- She has a thing for this other guy

- She still loves me

 

She also wanted to be study buddies since exams are soon, but I disagree because I think if I was I would turn out to be more of a friend... I just want to know what to do to both make me get over her as well as make her miss me if she does still have feelings for me. We have really good history together I dont regret being with her. I know she is still attracted to me sexually, she said she missed kissing me. I cant stop thinking about her and whether she has kissed this other guy or not, our school holidays have just started (supposed to be revision time for exams) and I wont see her at school or at all for a while. I am also wondering what to do if she does call me or text me asking me to hang out. I would go to her... but people have told me not to, in order for her to help her miss me if she still has feelings. Also I was told to act like I didnt care much when she talks to me, to make her panic. I dont know whether her feelings with come back for me or whether she'll miss me, I am just pretending the relationship is over and I have to move on following advice other people have given me to make her realise what shes lost if she still cares. I still love her to death and miss her dearly...

 

Anything to add? To help?

[REDIRECT43]

Were you really mean to her when she broke up with you? Did you call her names or anything or did you bow out gracefully? Why did you break up with her in the past? I think she did the right thing...I wouldn't want to stay with a guy that kept breaking up with me.

[Tigris]

It sounds to me like you've both learned from your mistakes. She stopped seeing her friends and wanted you exclusively. She was wrong in doing that because friends are important. You on the other hand were seeing your friends too much. Relationships are built on compromises.

 

I know it's hard for you right now because you love her very much but I agree that you should do NC because as they've said if she realises that you aren't as bothered and she does love you then she could want you back.

 

If you are the first boyfriend she's ever had she could end up using you as a 'measure' for any other boyfriend. Don't forget your first bf/gf is very special.

 

I still see my 1st bf. He's been my friend for 29 years!

 

To keep your mind off her concentrate on other things, hobbies, etc.

 

Good luck and take care.

[mmd]

Were you really mean to her when she broke up with you? Did you call her names or anything or did you bow out gracefully? Why did you break up with her in the past? I think she did the right thing...I wouldn't want to stay with a guy that kept breaking up with me.

 

No i wasnt mean, i was there for her... I didnt call her names either, I borke up with her in the past because I was confused and my feelings changed, she did things that made me jealous like flirt with other guys... But i have realised now that I have always loved her

[shortstop543]

wow...this is a story i know all too well

 

my ex bf broke up with me about a month ago and we were dating for about a year and a month....and when we first broke up i oculden't stop thinking about him...every where i went it was influneced on him, i even changed the route to my classes so i could see him more...and then he started seeing this girl and i felt totally miserable....and i know where you are coming from, i know how you are feeling about this girl i was and still am madly in love with my ex...but i am taking that advice of my friends and teachers, they said just to not talk to him...and i htought...how can i NOT talk to him, thats how to get him back is to talk to him and i was constanting IMing him and calling and i relized he was just getting sick of me and wanted away, so i am finnaly taking the advice of many people and i stopped talking to him and stopped acting like i cared for him at all and now he is IMing me and tryin to talk to me at school...maybe if you do that she will relize how much she loves you and come back b/c right she knows that she has you in the palm of her hand and knows that she can go to this other guy and leave you but if things dont work out in the end with this guy that you will still be there to catch her and this will be a never ending cycle...if she thinks that your not going to be there to catch her when she falls then chances are she's not going to jump...do you see what i mean???

 

so stop contacting her and tlaking to her at all...and i know this is going to be hard....even when you see her in the hallway, dotn look, or wave at her or anything just walk right on by and it might just click to her how much she likes you....b/c you never know what you have until its gone...and right now your not gone.....

[Tigris]

Sometimes people just flirt for fun. I do!

 

My Fiancee knows I'm just teasing them and she usually takes part in the conversation when it happens. If she's not around I tell her what happened. My friends also know I'm teasing too. They sometimes initiate it. My Fiancee trusts me plus she knows I'm always going to be with her.

 

A lot of my friends have personal problems and usually off load them when talking to me. When they've finished feeling down I start to flirt to take their minds off their problems and give them something to laugh at. I always make a point of leaving them when they're happy.

 

When girls do flirt around you watch them and see if you can learn anything from their behaviour. If it's your gf that does this talk to her when you're alone and ask why she does it. Learn by listening and observing.

 

Good luck

[mmd]

thanks for that, many good reasons why to back off thanks. What you are talking about is exactly what im going through shortstop.... right now she is texting me a little bit asking what im up to and I just reply nothing or when she asks how I am I just reply with im excellent. I just hope this works out in the end although I have to expect the worst as well

 

And about the flirting... why flirt with other people? whats the point if you have a gf/bf to flirt with rather than doing it with other people.

[Tigris]

When she flirts with you how do you react? If you don't react maybe she doesn't think it's worth flirting with you?

 

She probably sees flirting as just having fun and teasing people she knows.

[glitterandglitz]

mmd I'm really sorry for what you are going through,

 

It sounds like what I'm going through with my bf, but a little different situation. So I'll post my story: My BF of six months was always confused in the relationship and I could tell. Love is very confusing when you are young because you have so many limits, so many insecurities, and so much more life to live. I always felt my BF was playing mind games with me, he'd tell me he'd love me, but not call me for days. I suffered a lot of pain because of it, because I didn't know what he expected out of me and the relationship. After my BF wasn't contacting me I flirted with other guys. I was guilty, and ashamed of myself because I really was in love with my bf.

 

I'm differen't kind of girl b/c I actually put up with this treatment and still want to be with him even if he doesn't know what he wants. I'm hoping he can get over his confusion and call me. He has always told me that he has loved me. But I feel the problem with our relationship was the two most important things were missing: communication and trust. That may or not have been the problem in your relationship.

 

NC is extremely painful, you suffer through a lot of emotional havoc and depression.. But yes, you shared special memories with your gf she will remember that, and of course she won't forget you. If it dosen't work out this time don't get too stressed out. I know it is really hard.

Keep your head up.

 

Sorry I babble on a lot but the best advice anyone can give is to Be Strong and good luck!