lookin for some advice

[bb]

hey guys,

 

I come back to enotalone whenever I find myself in a situation i just dont knw wut to do. So I met this girl about an year ago, and we atarted out as friends and it dint take long and we took our relationship to the next level.

 

First I wanted to be casual and she dint, and I understand that. So in time I changed my mindset and became kinda serious. And then as time passed, shegot really into me. She is a fantastic gurl, so my mind was all like, yes shes the girl for you etc. Practically it just made sense. But that spark was just not there, I dono why it wasant. I tried gettin that spark too, but it just dint happen.

 

Sometimes id think its unfair to her, cuz shes gettin closer and closer to me, so i shud breakup, cuz i cant give her wut she deserves/wants. But at the same time, i dint have a reason to break up break up with her. Most of all I dint have the guts.

 

Our situation detireorated over the last few days, a lot of fights. Along with this when I wasant into into her, she just said that shes puttin me out of my misery. And returned all my stuff. Shes really upset and I dont knw wut to do. its cuz of me that shes hurtin so badd.

[WildChild]

Step up to the plate. I'm not suggesting you go back to her just to keep her out of the pain she is experiencing, but step up and apologize. Let her know you feel bad for all of this, and you really did not want to hurt her even though that's what happened. You hope someday she will forgive you, but that it is better to walk away now than to hurt her even more down the road.

[heloladies21]

Let her be for the next little while so the both of you can cool down. Get back into the game, start talkin to some other girls, and live your life. Let her contact you and you can take things from there. Hopefully by then you will have figured out what you're really looking for.

[kadvati79]

Thats the exact situation my ex was in. He knew the spark had gone, but still loved me.

 

I would be VERY careful of contacting her, even if you really do owe her an appology. If she really did love you like I loved my ex, this contact could only mean one thing - HOPE. Someone who really cares about you must still love you right? Maybe, but that doesn't mean they want to be a in a relationship.

 

You thought she was the girl once, why isn't she now? Ask yourself some questions, take the next few months to figure everything out. But realise you've made a big step and you're gonna have to deal with it. I think you will find you are happier with the decision at the moment, because you know its the right one. But that may change in the future if you return to wanting what you did when you felt she was "the one".

[bobo85]

Just be honest.

 

Just say you dont feel the spark between you two and you dont want to hold on to her any longer cuz it'll just hurt you both more.

[kadvati79]

It sounds like she's already dumped him tho? If she has collected her stuff it sounds like she's moving on about it - although understandably upset. Tough call whether to appoligise after all this has happened and risk messing her up more dude.

[bb]

hey guys,

 

thnks for ur replys there. I did email her and said sorry for everything. I said sorry cuz i felt that i shud have told her as soon as i knew the spark was not there. I ended up taking a lot more time, and just not having the guts to do it. When i say she returned my stuff, i mean she came and returned, thats okie, cuz i could have stopped her and the breakup wudnt have happened. I dint stop her.

 

it was one of those cases, where one loves the other way more. She loved me way more than i ever deserved. I told her she dint deserve this. right now i just feel really really bad that shes going thru all this cuz of me. I could have ended this 2-3 months ago and i dint. I dont knw wut i can do to ease her pain, but i do wanna do something. when i listen to my mind it says she was the right gurl for you, cuz she had everything you could ever want in a girl. But when i listen to the heart, well the heart never followed. I jus feel really really bad that she has to go thru all this cuz of me.

[kadvati79]

How old are u dude? In many ways u sound just like my ex. And I think you made the right decision, as did my ex. Ever heard that song by Vertical Horizon "Everything you want?" it would speak volumes to you. "He's everything you want, he's everything you need, he says all the right things at exactly the right time, but he means nothing to you and you don't know why".

 

I think it was right to stay and see how things went. Sometimes the spark comes back. Maybe the spark will come back one day. You just never know. But it sounds like you really need to sort yourself out and it would be hurting her to do that while she was around.

 

I'm not gonna sit here and blow sunshine up ur * * * all day tho, cause yeah, you've hurt this girl (as my ex hurt me in the same situation). I think its important for your to figure out WHY the spark left, otherwise you will likely find yourself in the same situation again in a few years in another relationship... believe me...

[preeti]

i know it would seem "sensible" to go to her n apologise but its not the best thing for "her".... u screwed big time...but hey!!!! u can take all the blame...some1 cannot be forced to love some1......just stay out of her way...that way u'll help her to heal quickly..the more she sees u the more difficult will it be for her to get over (cus she really cared for u)....so just pray that time passes quickly n things get better....n u should also move on!!!!

[WildChild]

Nope, I think him apologizing whether it was through an email or not was the best thing. This does show her that no matter how hurt she is, he is still concerned how his decision/actions have hurt her. And it shows more character to step up and apologize. She may be hurt, and she may never want to see or speak to him again, but at least he took responsibility for it.

[bb]

I am 22 btw, and yes i will leave her alone for a while and then maybe contact her, ask her if she wants to be friends or somethin..jus that shes such a believer and this happens to her again n again..