Relationship Troubles

[gullible_soul]

I just wrote this huge post about my problem, but it didn't send and I lost it. I don't feel like typing it again, so I'll give the less-detailed version of it.

 

I'm 16 years old and my mom doesn't support my multi-cultural relationship with my boyfriend of four months. I feel upset because she tells me that I can get someone better, but I don't want anyone better-- she tells me that it's not love, and although I'm young, I KNOW this is love. I can feel it and he feels it. Please don't give me a story-- I know what I'm getting into.

 

 

We've started to have protected sex, and I feel guilty because I told my mom I'd wait. She told me that I could always talk to her, but I feel like this would make her really disappointed and I feel guilty enough as it is.

 

Do I tell her? And, if so, how?

[bobo85]

first of all.....its your mom has issues. Its 2006 and you cant control who you fall in love with. Your mom is the one that has a problem not you. And if you are having sex...always use protection. The average age a women loses their virginity is around 16 years old. Your mom needs a serious wakeup call.

 

You should first have an open conversation with her about your relationship with him. dont have the convo with your mom while he's there...but do make sure she listens to you. Your mom does not know how it feels to be a teenager and in love. Enlighten her on how he's such a wonderful guy and to give you a chance and respect your decision.

[gullible_soul]

Thanks... I plan on writing out a short letter, and first giving it to her, and then we can get into the conversation.

 

I didn't think about it until she called back, but she had me when she was 19. She told me that she made a big mistake, and she called back just now to let me know that I wasn't that mistake. I asked her when she lost her virginity, and she said 16.

 

If you ask me, that's pretty hypocritical, but whatever. If I call her a hypocrit, she'll just get pissed, so I'll be nice.

 

Thanks,

 

gullible_soul

 

EDIT: In the letter, I was thinking of including a little something from my friends and teachers, and his family. They see us together all the time and I think some positive feedback from them may convince my mom that he's not a jerk and I'm not stupid.

[southerngirl]

I dont think that color should be an issue.. Her predjudice is not something that you need to own.

 

What troubles me is that you have been with this guy for four months and are already having sex. Please keep protecting yourself. Condoms ARE NOT foolproof..

 

Also, just becuase your mom got pregnant at 19 does not mean you have to repeat her mistakes... be smarter than that.

[fishrrshortae]

I sympathize with your mom. I am not entirely sure why the multicultural relationship is an issue w/ her. Maybe it isn't.. maybe she is just concerned about you getting pregnant. Or there might be something about him specifically she doesn't like. Find out exactly what her concerns are.

 

Honey, chances are this guy and you will not last. 16 is YOUNG and I don't know anyone that is with the same guy they dated at 16, although I'm sure someone out there knows someone.. either way, the bottom line is, don't make mistakes NOW that you will regret LATER, like the mistakes I made at your age that I'm still trying to undo.

[Momene]

Race isn't a barrier. I'm on my second inter-racial marriage. However, parents do pick up on certain things why a particular person may not be suitable for their kids. Differences in religion, social class and education are far bigger barriers than race.

 

I know you're in love but I can tell you that the chances are that your boyfriend won't be your life partner, not because he's "bad" or "unsuitable" but simply because people fall in and out of love a few times on average before getting married.

 

Mums (and dads, like me) do remember what it was like to be young and in love. I'm always talking to my daughter about what my growing up was like. I was ancient at 20 when I first had sex but wished I'd waited for someone special for my first time. Sounds strange coming from a bloke? I won't suggest you stop now you've started but you may find in a year's time if you're not still together you will see what your mum and I are saying.

 

I'm not "taking sides", as I sympathise but I've been round the block a few times, so know a lot about life.

 

Take care.

[gullible_soul]

Also, just becuase your mom got pregnant at 19 does not mean you have to repeat her mistakes... be smarter than that.

 

That's not at all what I meant. I've already had a discussion with her that I won't repeat her mistakes, but that's not what she meant.

 

I was her first child, and she planned me when she was 19. The mistake she meant was ending up with a guy that disrespected her in so many ways... this guy is completely opposite from every guy she has ever dated.

 

I understand where you're all coming from, I really do, but there's just something inside of me that's telling me I'm going to be with this guy. And trust me, I know how naive this sounds.

 

The race part really is my mom's problem-- she said that inter-racial relationships never work out, and it's got nothing to do with him personally, because she has never met him.

 

I know no one's perfect, but he's imperfectly perfect for me. He's respecful, funny, attractive, and treats me the way I want to be treated. We communicate about everything and have yet to be in a real "fight" even though we've had a couple minor problems, and we've been together 2nd longest among our friends (most of my friends break up and go out with another-- I have a few friends who sleep around, too), the first having been going out for 1 year and a half.

 

I know the issue with condoms, and because I don't plan on having sex with anyone else, it's not too big of an issue because my boyfriend and I communicate about that.

 

Thanks for all of your advice.

 

gullible_soul

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Love at 16 . . . ummm don't go too deep here...in one ear and out the other there, though ;-) just be careful.

[Momene]

I'd far rather my daughter was with someone of a different race than social class or educational background. She'd have trouble finding someone of her "own race" anyway, unless you know of any nice half-Latin, half-Caucasian boys, LOL!!

[gullible_soul]

She'd have trouble finding someone of her "own race" anyway, unless you know of any nice half-Latin, half-Caucasian boys, LOL!!

 

As a matter of fact, I do know plenty of half-Latin, half-White boys... The area I live in is largely Latino, so I'm surrounded by "mixes."

 

That's another thing... my mom tells me that she'd be happier if I was with a nice Irish or Italian boy... WHERE would she like me to find one? I live in Philly, and 70% of the population at school is Latino, and the rest is Black (if I even considered a black boy I'd get a huge lecture), and I'm completely happy with my Latin boyfriend.

 

I just don't understand why she can't be supportive. I mean, her mom never supported her in anything, and I'm sure she promised herself that she would raise her children different from her mother did with her, but apparently not.

[Momene]

As a matter of fact, I do know plenty of half-Latin, half-White boys... The area I live in is largely Latino, so I'm surrounded by "mixes."

 

That's another thing... my mom tells me that she'd be happier if I was with a nice Irish or Italian boy... WHERE would she like me to find one? I live in Philly, and 70% of the population at school is Latino, and the rest is Black (if I even considered a black boy I'd get a huge lecture), and I'm completely happy with my Latin boyfriend.

 

I just don't understand why she can't be supportive. I mean, her mom never supported her in anything, and I'm sure she promised herself that she would raise her children different from her mother did with her, but apparently not.

If you end up together (or with another Latino) you'll have great looking kids.

 

Although I love my parents, they made a lot of mistakes when I was growing up and I haven't repeated them. My daughter and I are very close.

[gullible_soul]

If you end up together (or with another Latino) you'll have great looking kids.

 

Although I love my parents, they made a lot of mistakes when I was growing up and I haven't repeated them. My daughter and I are very close.

 

Thanks! It's weird because a lot of people have said that...

 

Well, that's really good.. I hope if I have a daughter that she and I are close.. I always sort of imagine a Lorelei/Rory type of relationship from the Gilmore Girls, but then again, that's television.

[Momene]

Thanks! It's weird because a lot of people have said that...

 

Well, that's really good.. I hope if I have a daughter that she and I are close.. I always sort of imagine a Lorelei/Rory type of relationship from the Gilmore Girls, but then again, that's television.

 

The time you spend with them when they're young is repayed with interest when they're older.