Just venting

[savagegerbil1607306442]

This is how you make me feel, hopefully by writing this down I may be able to see were my own faults are in all of this.

 

You put me in places where I feel like I have no way of expressing my feelings, and I hate you for that. It always seems to be what's best for you, your always having the problem or an issue or something, and damn me for even needing some reassurance once in awhile. I feel like when you need some attention, you need some affection to make you feel somewhat normal again, you will tell me whatever I need to hear so I will open my arms up to you, but then the moment I need some from you, you push me away and say you cant do that right now. And when I feel used and want answers, you lie and tell me things like you don't need to explain yourself.

 

Tell me how many guys would go through this again and again for you? Who would sacrifice it all just for a chance at a normal relationship? Over one year I have gone through hell, while you went back and forth with your feelings for me, always finding a reason to push your feelings away from me, honor, god, space, being alone. What are you scared of? Do you think I am going to be like him? Do you think I am going to hurt you like him? Haven't I proven to you that my love is genuine? Or are you still letting those little doubts and fears tell you to back away, that I will eventually hurt you?

 

You say you accept me for all my flaws, yet when I feel insecure and need your reassurance, you get angry and dont talk to me and say I am not the person who you thought I was, or that I really dont know you. I do whatever I can to reassure you when you have doubts, why cant you do the same for me? do you not know how? cant you even try? I see a lot of double standards in our relationship, and again I feel like I cant express them cause I fear losing you. I hate it!

 

You say I have no faith, you expect it but you don't give it. My faith gets dimmed when you tell me you are looking for a slutty outfit to wear going clubbing, or when you say you, your friend, and this guy you had a thing with are going out for drinks. How would you feel if I said the same things? You wonder why I sometimes say the awful things I do, but what I say is the truth and you don't like getting caught in your lies, and your deceit. And still I have not cursed you, and I have not insulted you because I do care about your feelings, I do care about your self esteem and damn if I would ever cause you to feel any lower. But you do not feel the same about me, you lie, you betray my trust, you take away just as quickly as you give your feelings and in the end you leave me with all the pain. A year, a year of being grinded down to nothing and still you expect me to be strong.

 

If you cant decide what you want by now, and if you don't know in your heart if you love me, then you will never know and you will always doubt those feelings. I deserve better then that, I deserve someone who will treat me with respect and dignity and trusts me. Your letting something slip from your fingers which could be wonderful, all because you feel guilty, doubt yourself, and everything else you tell yourself to make you feel comfortable. You have had so many chances and every time you pushed me away, well now I am pushing you away!

[BazookaMike]

Heheh... Its hard when we've invested so much. Now find a good one but don't be afraid to lose her if it comes to that.

 

I'd lose this one too after reading this. It would be great to show her those words, but is it even worth it anymore.

 

Take it easy.

[heteropedro]

Mikes right. Move on,and next time, do not be so afraid to lose her. Be in control of the relationship. Remain exicting and mysterious and your relationship will last.

[savagegerbil1607306442]

I did show her and appearently I am selfish, well if letting someone know how I feel makes me selfish then I guess I am the worlds most selfish person.

[heteropedro]

You come accross as someone who doesent have many other options and you seem like no challenge.