catgirl82 Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 so lately i've been contemplating things and im starting to feel self conscious about my sexual history. ive had alot of free time on my hands and of course when that happens i think and obsess over things. im about to turn 24 and have had 5 sexual partners. in college, before i started dating i also had alot of "hookups", none of which involved sex but involved anything from just kissing to alot more than kissing. usually it ended up happening with a guy friend, i always was safe about sex/hooking up. i lost my virginity when i was 20 with my first boyfriend. i dont know, for some reason i just feel like looking back on all the years it seems like so much. up until now, ive been totally happy and fine with all of this but i guess i'm just wondering if my experience is normal or maybe a bit much. this was all triggered by an experience i had last weekend- i have this guy friend who i've known for about 7 years. we have had an on/off sexual relationship but mainly have been first and foremost friends. i'd say every few months or so when we get together, something happens (as long as one of us isnt in a relationship). anyway we finally had sex, which at the time, felt sooooo great and felt like the right thing to do. i am comfortable with him and trust him, and strangely enough, i dont have strong feelings for him other than as a friend. true, i am attached to the idea of him, mainly b/c of our long history of knowing eachother, but i really am not interested in dating him and i know he feels the same way (we live hundreds of miles away, it makes it easy) aaanyway, i guess i just have alot of thoughts spinning around in my head with all this free time to think and over analyze. is this a normal thing to feel in your mid 20s? i havent questioned it until this past weekend when i reached #5. any thoughts? Link to comment
becallamjr Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 Your fine. Your going through what everyone in their twenties will go through at some point. Link to comment
mystik Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 I know there are some who will disagree with me, but I think it's normal. Maybe because it's our generation but I mean, five partners in the span of 4 years is approx one/year. That is far from promiscuous or abnormal, there are so many girls and guys in my college, or people around this age who have much larger numbers. My girl friends are all still in college, 3rd year, and none of them are seen as those "crazy, drunken S*%&'s" and those who are sexually active have had on average about 2-3 partners...all lost their virginities in first year. Obviously there are some with much more (8 in a year) and those who are still virgins, but 5 at 24 would seem reasonable to me. Link to comment
Ash Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 I'd say five in several years sounds quite normal. Have the last two or three been in rapid succession by change? I'd think if it's been spaced out over a few years, it's certainly what could be considered well within the norm. Perhaps you are thinking you want something more stable and longer term? Link to comment
Goodfun88 Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 I don't think 5 is a lot, thats a little over 1 a year on average. Link to comment
catgirl82 Posted March 23, 2006 Author Share Posted March 23, 2006 its not REALLY 1 per year. it was 1 for 2 years, and 4 over the next 1.5 years.. is that really bad? i feel upset b/c i really am a good girl and i would never think of myself as a promiscuous person 1 was a mistake i wish i could take back, right after my bf and i broke up in 2004. i guess he was like, the rebound. after that, there 2 were guys i dated for a couple months each but it didnt work out. the fifth was my friend that i told you about, this past weekend. this means 4 in the past year and a half, plus my boyfriend before that. while all this was happening, i didnt feel like i was even being that sexually active!! i dont know why this hasnt bothered me until this week. again, maybe its the #5. i would like to find something more stable, but that is not my #1 priority right now. ive always had the philosophy that i wanted to have fun and keep things exciting, as long as i was safe and careful. i guess thats all that matters. im not going out to bars and sleeping with random boys trying to make them become my boyfriends, if thats what youre wondering. i know girls that do that, and i would hate to be classified as one of them again, im over analyzing. life is too short to worry about something like this, right? Link to comment
mystik Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 If you're safe, careful, having fun, and not going to bars, getting drunk, sleeping with randoms to make them love you, trying to raise your self esteem... what's the problem? If you didn't feel uncomfortable before doing it, don't feel bad about your past actions. But if you're freaking out now about, then maybe you should really think about why you're suddenly so worried about it. You're looking for reassurance of some sort, of seeing what you're doing is "normal." There isn't a "normal" number of sexual partners at a particular age, it's what feels right to you. And 4 over 1.5 years isn't overly excessive either...as long as you're not doing it for all the wrong reasons. Link to comment
Goodfun88 Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 I wouldn't worry at all, its not like you are going around having one night stands every weekend. If you have a problem with this, don't sleep with anyone else until you get into a meaningful relationship. Its really not bad at all though. Link to comment
mystik Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 how about 11 at 22? Are you asking if this is normal? Accepted? Who can really say? I think what really matters are the reasons one is sleeping with so many, or so little, partners, and how one goes about treating the opposite sex in the process. Link to comment
catgirl82 Posted March 23, 2006 Author Share Posted March 23, 2006 yeah, you guys are right. my #1 reason for having sex is, i love sex. i really do. it feels good. ive never been one to sleep with a random guy, im not looking for love in all the wrong places if you know what i mean. i guess i just have a healthy sexual appetite. if i have sex its really on my terms. the reason im suddenly contemplating it is because of what happened last weekend, with my more than platonic "friend". but, i did have a great time and we were careful and safe. thanks for all the reassurance. i think this is an interesting topic that no one really talks about. its like, a guy with 5 partners would be encouranged to go have more sex immediately!! whats up with the double standard, siiigh Link to comment
Ash Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 its like, a guy with 5 partners would be encouranged to go have more sex immediately!! whats up with the double standard, siiigh Hmm, not sure if that's actually true. I wouldn't be one to say that at least. Perhaps there is a double standard to some, but there shouldn't be. Link to comment
catgirl82 Posted March 23, 2006 Author Share Posted March 23, 2006 its just the idea that a guy with alot of partners isnt looked at as negatively i guess. thats my opinion anyway Link to comment
mystik Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 I agree. Guys may not necessarily be encouraged to have more partners, but it's usually more "acceptable" if they have. Link to comment
AntiLove_SuperStar Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 I reckon thats fine..its all about what you do NOW, anyway, because you cant change the past. Sigh...Im 17, and 12+ relationships. Silly me! Link to comment
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