sacrificing your own love life for a friend?

[monsieur]

Just wondering if any one else here is so crazy about a friend of theirs of the opposite sex but the friend doesn't feel the same way back, but is happy to stay friends? I am thinking seriously about just sacrificing my own chance at a love life with anyone else and just stay as an unrequited friend with her, and always keep some glimmer of hope in my heart that she will change her mind and become attracted to me as more than a friend.

 

I know I have no chance to start anything with any other girls as I am too much into this girl, I compare other girls to her, everything. Being around her takes up all of my emotional longing and love. I would only be able to leave and never see her, ending the friendship, or staying like it is, friends but hoping, maybe for many many years........ I think I am going to stay

[a2000]

If she is happy being your friend, stay friends with her but keep your options open. What if she never changes her mind?

She has told you she doesn't feel the same way and you should respect that. It seems like you are focusing on her too much. You should try to meet other girls, go out with friends, keep yourself busy.

Just don't wait for her unless she is giving you reason to eg. flirting etc.

By the time you have waited she might be engaged to be married, leaving you with no one.

[monsieur]

you are right, but it is so hard when your heart tells you what to do, and my heart is totally for her...... if she felt the same about me it would be one of the most wonderful relationship stories ever, but she says she likes me alot, but only as friends, because "her heart tells her when she is attracted to someone as a boyfriend", and for me I am just a very good friend to her.

 

I am missing out on any other potential relationships, and months and years could easily pass by..... but it is hard to deny your heart

[SwimmerBR]

I am thinking seriously about just sacrificing my own chance at a love life with anyone else and just stay...

 

Oh dude, don´t do it. Don´t sit around waiting for someone to "change their mind". Odds are she won´t. And even if she does, don´t you think it would be like "oh, monsieur is my fall-back guy. Something * * * *ty happens I have him to boost my ego" ?

 

Don´t miss out on relationships. She´ll have hers, it´s only fair you should have yours.

[Alabama]

What if your being with her all the time just drives her crazy? Again, the abover posters have pointed out that if she doesn't change than is there really any point in having hope? It's fine if you just want to be friends, but don't sacrifice your hope for love for someone who hasn't returned your love. You will only grow lonely. Don't do it.

[PRSOV]

I think you should stay friends with her if you think you can do it. In the most random possible way... I was in the same kind of situation a while ago, I was totally into this girl and I subtly always made moves on her... but not actually asking her out. I NEVER ever thought I would be a boyfriend of hers ever! Now I am involved with her and she actually liked me for around nine months before she ever said anything even when I was complimenting her all the time... I daydreamed about her all the time and always thought in my head we would make a really ood couple... I just wanted to make the comment because sometimes when you think nothing will ever evolve with another girl... she may not be thinking it but she is definitely feeling it... Everyone is different...

 

Then again if it gets to the point where you think saying goodbye will resolve anymore hurting then thats the path you should take...

 

Good luck!

[monsieur]

thanks PRSOV, there is always hope for a happy ending!

[ComputerGuy]

In all honesty, staying friends with her and living in hope of only her isn't the best way to go about things. Take my word for it from personal experience. By all means stay friends with her, but do it because you are happy to be just friends as well...don't do it for the soul reason of a posible chance down the track. There is a chance she may feel more down the track, but don't live in hope of that cause it is quite likely she won't as well. Also you might end up throwing away something with someone that would have been so spectacular as to leave you breathless because you are waiting for your friend.

[monsieur]

you are right logically speaking of course, but when it comes to what you feel in your heart logic doesn't become the course of action we take

 

I am realistic in the fact it might not happen with us, but it actually doesn't bother me at all that I might miss out on other girls as they really don't matter to me like this one does

[Alabama]

Alright, if that is what you have decided, than it is at least good you thought about the hypothetical possibilities, that might result from choosing this girl, over someone else. Good luck.

[monsieur]

thanks, it puts it into perspective that my decision is not based on delusion and that I know I might be damaged by going with my heart, but to go against my heart would be worse, no?

[blender]

"I know I might be damaged by going with my heart, but to go against my heart would be worse, no?"

 

YOU are going against your heart already, because your heart deserves to be loved back...FULLY by the one you choose to love.... YOU are choosing to go against your OWN heart to stay in a "chosen" state of "victim-hood" and "martyr".

 

This might be the exact reason she does not "see" you as a potential boyfriend. Try living your life for YOUR own heart not so your heart can get hers... if you do this, and start out by dating another, going out "there" and seeing what REALLY is meant to be for you... she will then start to "wonder" am I losing him? She will start to see you as a "MAN" worth going after... not a guy who's willing to compromise his own heart and just hang around the edges of her heart.... yuk, that's NOT attractive, and YOU deserve a full heart from someone... but it will ONLY be yours if you CHOSE to have a standard and a value of YOUR OWN heart first. I'm a girl and I can tell you I would find you a whole lot more attractive if you didn't NEED me because you loved me, but loved yourself enough to NEED and WANT the REAL thing with someone.

[monsieur]

yikes, your post gave me chills, I have to read it again and meditate on it a bit, I'm already pretty full of anxiety every day because of the uncertainty, reading this has made me feel more mixed up than ever, not sure what I'm feeling. feel sad in a way......

[blender]

I'm so sorry honey, I did not mean to confuse you. I just wanted you to protect your OWN heart. You seem like a nice guy, and you DESERVE to be loved fully in return, and I'm sure this girl does love you, but sometimes the chemical reaction just isn't there...but if you have any desire to be a "guy that girls respond to" including HER, then you have to respect yourself FIRST.

 

If you are feeling sad, then "feel it" sometimes in life we just have to feel sad..it's part of "accepting" things as they are and then once we do this kind of "accepting" then through our tears, our heartache, we have to feel it all, then we blossom into a strong, confident, realistic person, who has the courage to dream and follow those dreams but ONLY after we have our values intact and our hearts are full on their own.

 

Take this heartache as an OPPORTNITY to learn more about yourself and what you want in life. But remember sometimes fate steps in and instead of giving us what we "want" we instead get what we "need", and then it's followed by what we really want.... do you undersand this? You DESERVE to be loved, it just not be by her, the way you "want" it for Today, but that's just for Today, not for always... You can start by doing things for YOURSELF, improve YOU, know that YOU are worthy of a great love....from someone and it might even be her, in the future, but for today be in "accpetance" of her reaction and live in the reality of the fact that there might just be some great girl out there for you.... and it could be even her...in time...but you have to get your OWN heart in the right place first and that is KNOWING that you will NOT settle for just a "friendship" for your ONLY love life... you can be her friend, and love her, but you also deserve to be keeping your eyes open for other love in your path.

 

Hope this is better to ponder than what I said before... you seem like such a great guy. I wish you happiness and know you will find it. Sometimes when we keep staring in only one direction for our love, we miss the ones passing by

[monsieur]

thanks for the thoughtful replies, and I will probably reread your posts a few times as I do alot of thinking all the time anyway

[blender]

Just wanted to tell you a story about a friend of mine back in first year of college, she and the guy who was her "good friend" went to the same college out of highschool, her "good friend" always loved her, really loved her, but she just didn't feel it back, he was always around, there for her, but she just didn't "feel it" so eventually He FINALLY decided to spend just a bit less time with her, he didnt' say anything about it, he just started to get his OWN interest and hobbies, and then he started dating a girl, just a girl he met that he was "liking" but not "loving" like he did my friend, anyway, after he started dating this girl, my friend started to say to me, "ya know, I miss hm and seeing him with her, well I 'see" him differently, I never really "thought" of him that way, but he's a "catch" and I WANT him NOW...what do I do? Am I too late? Well, the fact of the matter is, if HE was till hanging around as a buddy to her, and NOT moving on with his OWN life she would have NEVER seen him as a POTENTIAL boyfriend, until she SAW him with someone else as a boyfriend... so take care of YOU for today and YOUR heart and get out there and see what the world of love has to offer you...then SHE might see the love she has for you "grow" into something more than friendship, but I don't think she will be ABLE to SEE this if you just keep hanging around as a "friend". Sure continue to be her friend, but have your OWN life too, and get out there... and you'll see....she will then "see" you "differently"... and YOU will feel better about yourself and might even have a clearer perspective on HER too.