Another day...same old story

[Spawn]

hello every one,

 

its me and my same old rant of not able to forgive myself, i dunno somehow the way she told me (my ex the last and final time she called) that who the hell i am to forgive her. Something still makes me feel i am the one who screwed big time in the relationship although somewhere i believe we both were responsible for its demise. i did tell her that i take the whole blame for the failure and i do forgive her, probably that might have inflated her ego a lot.

 

But i dunno all the things she threw at me is going round and round in my head. Like me being a moron for telling her to stop emailing me and again for taking her route to go for my work. I think that made her think i was stalking her or somethin...the feeling sux since i am not that kinda guy.

 

I have left her alone after Jan 2nd, the day we broke up offcially, never met her, or seen her but i did go to some of the places we used to visit together with my friends.All this makes me feel i should avoid going to these places for sometime even if it meant going out with friends.

 

Just feel bad about the whole thing......am just sick and tired of blaming myself over and over again for the breakup. I know she didn't deserve me but why do i have this feelin, i just can't understand myself sometimes.

 

I think the day i fall in love again, that will be the day i will fully get over my ex. These memories will then probably start hurtin less and less.....

 

Thanks for readin......life's movin slow though.

[Orlander]

You are feeling that way, Spawn, because that is just part of what most of us experience when we go through breakups.

 

I can't remember a time when a breakup was completely one person's fault. As I have been told before, each person in the relationship is responsible 100%. In other words, she is as much to blame as you. You will figure this out on your own, sooner or later. Don't let too much time go by though.

 

Ask yourself how you would feel about meeting someone who was still in love with her ex or who was waiting to find someone to love so to get over her ex. How would you feel about that?

[Spawn]

Ask yourself how you would feel about meeting someone who was still in love with her ex or who was waiting to find someone to love so to get over her ex. How would you feel about that?

 

Well, to tell you the truth i have been in the exact same situation, i really feel now i was kind of a rebound guy for her, since she was holdin on to hopes to get back with her ex and she did try to.

 

I remember my ex once said to me that we had no sweet memories or moments between us and that she had loads of them with her ex. I always felt she was thinking of a reconciliation. She did try gettin back with him but seeing that he did change a lot came back to me. I never created an issue out of it, since i felt she was going thru a lot mentally and her being so sensitive i felt very reluctant to confront her.

 

But once again seeing the way she was still in contact with him while being with me and the way she wouldn't tell him about me, insecurities started showing up in our relationship.

 

It was when that guy started talkin engagement that i tried confronting her about it but she hung up on me....

 

I feel its my fault because i couldn't make her forget her ex.....

[Spawn]

screechy, i just never understood cause once she came back after trying to get back with her ex things changed a lot. Each and everyday i had to listen to things like u shud find some other girl and stuff like oh you are going to this party , you will definitely find girls and will forget me. That all hurt me a lot. I was so committed to this girl and she just plainly hurt me each and every day. I took it lightly thinkin she is kiddin me but when i said to her once that she was the only one i wanted to be with, she got so pissed off dunno why. Maybe she really wanted to get out of the relationship.

 

No, i said she didn't deserve me because maybe she deserved someone better than me who could be with her even if she betrayed him. I did try to but then eventually things went down.

 

I must have been very bad for not makin her forget her ex.....

[Spawn]

hmmm....i am little crazy as well someday i feel really grateful to her for dumping me and somedays i feel, like today, that i was the one responsible for the whole insecurities and the issues.

 

you are right i am being very hard on myself, just dunno how to let go of this guilty feeling.

 

Thanks that imagination part sounds a lot crazy, heck can't even imagine sayin that...