Where do we go now?

[Alpar80]

Yeah, I guess I am a closet guns n' roses fan (look at the title)... So what... I would like to start by commending this website and all who are responsible for running it; I think that my friends would be hanging up the phone on me by now because of my crap.

So you probably guessed that I am in the same boat as many in this place, we all seem to share that one common problem, being dumped. Wow, I never thought there would ever come a day, not with her. We shared so much together, did so much, been through the valleys and rose to the highest of peaks. This time though, an avalanche erupted in our path. Maybe I am too naive and look over things in life that should be addressed.

I guess it has really been in the making for a while. We have both just graduated from college and had plans to move. Everything was so perfect and beautiful. Summer came after being together for 11 months and what an 11 months I will never forget. I had some of the best times of my life with her, through the thick and the thin, no matter what we always seemed to look over it and continue on, but maybe she never really did. As summer arrived the stress set in. It seemed that being out of school and on our own, facing a move, really threw the relationship for a spin. There would be conflicts that would errupt then calm down, we would always seem to work them out though. Most of them were directly attributed to external forces we were dealing with. Well time went on and things seemed to be ok until.... She finally told me she would rather remain "best friends" for now.

This came as a plethora of factors which were slowly biting at the relationship we shared. The final draw was when she caught me not being up front with her according to some stuff which happened in my past. Granted I wasn't up front, I never ment to hurt her in doing so. I guess a lesson learned is to be up front and if something bothers you about a question, let the other know. My problem was that I hid the answer of the question and being the guy I am, I felt guilty and came out with the answer much further down the road. This hurt her dramatically and she began to wonder "if he keeps hiding things how do I know how much he is really keeping from me?" She knows me though, and knows that it was unintentional. I never ment to hurt her, there are just things that happened in my past that I tend to not want to mention and try to keep in the past, I guess it gets back to not to wake a sleeping dog. So I pulled a nutty and went over to her neighbors house, began to drink, and told them what happened. At the time it seemed like the thing to do, but when the smoke all cleared, man was I made to look like a damn idiot!! So here I am, another victim of rejection, from one who said she would always be there for me and never turn her back on me. I cant even hold a civil conversation with her any more, they are just one word short answer, yes/no questions. This is a girl that I devoted my soul to and she knew me better than the Bush family knows oil.

I guess I am tripped up on how this could all end so quickly without much remorse. I can see that if one sees trouble occurring over that one will begin to loose faith but I dont know I am reading further into this. Friends say she is confused, along with herself. She tells me that she still wants to remain friends but she wants to have me cuddle with her. She is very confused and needs her space. I just find it so hard not to contact her at times such as now when I just want to see her.

I find so much support in this forum, without it I would be out chain smoking!!! YUCK ! I realize that I need to give her her space and not to constantly badger her, which I am not. It just rips me up to realize how everything is just over. It is like everywhere I go and everything I did in the last year of my life involved this person and now I am solo.

We still have plans to move together. We were never going to take an apt together for several reasons, one of which always worried me and it was because she was skeptical if we ever broke up who would take the apt and take care of the rent. I guess that should have been a red flag to me because she was already thinking of what would happen if we split down there? The other reasons were religious, her beliefs hold that two people shouldnt live together unless they are married, I found this strange but I accepted and respected it.

I know that she is confused, and is at a point in her life where she is asking herself is this really the guy who I want to be with and have there for me, there is nothing that I can do to change the way that she is feeling or can I ?? Is there anything I can do to try to win this person back in my life?? The way we fell in love, the stuff we have been through, the emotions we shared, it all means so much to me. To realize that she is gone rips the life out of me. I realize her pain and apprehension and I guess I just want her to be responsive towards me and talk to me like a friend, not some type of fool. This will all pan out in due time. I just really would like to talk to her. It is so hard being so close in many ways and not having the one closest to you so far away. Should I call her or let her come to me?? How can I begin to mend our friendship?? What are some pieces of advice that I can use to try to win her heart back?? The relationship is too young and we have been through way to much to see this come to a hault, especially now...

[Genesis]

SHe does not trust you and trust is what makes or breaks relationships.

 

You should send her a sincere letter telling her how you feel that is not to desperate or needy. Tell her you wil respect what ever decision she makes. After that it is her choice on what to do.

 

Send her flowers, write once a month but do not beg. Say something like I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you. Give her space she will wonder what you are doing and give you a call.