Just Moved from "Getting Back Together"

[curlygirl47]

Good morning, everybody. I've been in the trying to get back together mode for the past few months, and I've decided it's time to focus on my own healing rather than on the relationship at this point. A lot of damage has been done, and I've been hurt badly, so I want to stop looking over my shoulder and trying to put things back together by myself. I haven't given up all hope, but I want to put the hope in perspective and pursue other things that will move me forward. To jump start my efforts, I bought a little book called Instant Karma, which is basically a list of things to do to bring good fortune to yourself and to others. It's giving me good ideas and good things to think about. I'll share some with you:

 

stop analyzing or trying to figure out other people

be aware of life's possibilities

have patience with all things, but chiefly with yourself

see a counselor or spiritual leader if you are having great difficulties

 

I'm about to start attending meditation classes at a nearby Buddhist temple; I am hoping this will help me stop obsessing about the broken relationship and become more centered.

 

Good luck to all of you --- I'll be posting with updates on how I'm doing and looking forward to supporting your efforts as well.

[in_the_mirror]

good for you, we will all be rooting for you!

[curlygirl47]

I'm writing in a journal every day, first thing in the morning, too, to kind of track my moods and see what might be triggering bad moments. I'm also on a new anti-depressant, since I have been having major depressive episodes and had to be under a doctor's care a few weeks ago. It's hard to separate the normal grief from the depression, but I'm happy to report that the pills helped stop the crying spells and the pit of anxiety in my stomach. They can't do much about my loneliness, though. I know that somewhere inside I have a happy self and a content inner spirit; I just have to get back to her.

 

One of the things that bothers me is that I have been humiliated to a certain extent in this town, by the behavior of my ex and by my own willingness to take him back and to still love him. I am trying to realize that the shame is his, and that I have no cause to be ashamed of loving and forgiving. Is anyone else experiencing these kinds of feelings, if you live in a small town, like I do, or hang out with a circle of friends who know your situation?

 

Two pieces of advice from Instant Karma:

 

say only nice things to yourself

sometimes the highest form of action is inaction

 

I need to keep repeating that last one to myself. Doing nothing (in regard to the relationship) feels kind of good after all the struggling I've been doing since December.

[NJRon]

Sounds like you are doing all the right things. After my breakup I started attending meditation classes as well as various classes by a Shaman Practitioner and joined a drum circle. it was very centering. Read a lot of buddhist literature and also started keeping a journal. All in all, it helped immensely. I have a whole record from day 1 to now and it reads like some really weird novel

 

I have had a similar experience... It was when i was in college and was in this messed up relationship and when I was coming out of it i was acting very desperate and i made a play for this girl that a friend had seen once or twice... who, incidentally, was set up with me by another mutual friend.

 

Boy, it was just a mess and I was totally embarrased and, after everything cleared, it was like coming out of some weird drunken spell, when you look back on the previous night's escapades and wonder what the heck you were htinking and hoping that everyone else was as drunk as you... except it went on for a couple o fmonths and everyone else was quite aware of the situation. Well, it all blew over eventually. I would have left if i could have... that's how I felt. but I'm glad I didn't.

[curlygirl47]

Thanks, NJRon --- it helps me to know there are other "suckers" around. Hey, my ex is one, in fact. I had the satisfaction of saying to him, the other day: "You've thrown away something so beautiful and sweet --- and for a woman who screwed around on you. She'll do it again, too. But I guess that's your choice." (He slept with his ex-wife a couple of weeks ago). So he was a sucker, too. Everybody plays the fool sometime. And, by the way, he's NOT going back to the ex. She has just been coming on hard and heavy, and he had a weak moment. He has told her that it was a mistake, and that he has deep feelings for me. So she's a sucker, too. I guess what goes around comes around, sooner or later.

[Orlander]

Be good to yourself Curlygirl and try not to rehash or think too much about what happened. Focus on your meditation and moving ahead in life.

 

orlander

[AwdreeHpburn]

Sounds like a huge step in the right direction Curlygirl! Good for you.

[curlygirl47]

You're right, Orlander. I need to stay away from painful memories. P. is a suffering individual, tortured really, or he would never have hurt me the way he has. And he was truly tender when I was in the hospital.