humm

[SilverCloud]

Anyone here gets a feeling that you are trying to find reasons, faults and things badly done by ex to justify your own sanity?

 

I get this constant feeling that maybe my ex was not soo bad. Maybe i was insane and drove him away? I never understood why my ex broke up with me. Things he wanted i did do them ... then why?

 

His reasons at the time of break up where not even clear to him i guess...

 

but what i find now is that i keep wondering... keep thinking what i did wrong? will i repeat my insanity on the next relationship? Will i continue to blow up all future relationships? Am i thinking of his crazy ways of breakup as a proof of my sanity and making him as the insane one..

 

I guess i am proving my insanity by writting this.. but i think maybe i need closer and if i do then what is it? Are our mutual friends agreeing to him being on the wrong just to help me or if its true? I am confused this was my first relationship and it was a very bad experience dont know what to think of myself.

[robowarrior]

What you should think = Its not my fault.

 

Your not responsible for people's individual expression of their free will on, 'to be or not to be' with someone. Your constantly thinking 'what did I do wrong' , have you ever thought 'outside' of yourself, that like 'maby' there where factors outside of 'you' that where taking in consideration by him, that made him leave in the first place? Think of that and you'll get another picture. You should love yourself, and support you for who you are. That way you can think its 'his' loss if he leaves you.

 

Besides your mind is going into a 'loop' over the situation , over and over again. All the could have beens all the should have beens. But be REALISTIC. He's gone and no matter how high or how low you jump he's not coming back. thereforeeee 'close' that chapter, of your life , and find a new partner to commit yourself too, there's plenty of more fish out there , and some may even be better then he is. Life is too short to wheep over what is lost, if your world crumbles the only thing you can do is to be stubborn and rebuild it, and make sure that whatever made it crumble won't happen again, but there's more to that. Its a thing of 'control' , you can only do and react to things that lie within your 'might' , and against all those 'natural' disasters that take place one should not blame oneselves for. That way you can put a dot behind this whole situation by saying to yourself , what happened here was due to something that lied beyond my reaches. And they you may find peace with yourself and move on with your life instead of going continuesly in circles over relationships that didn't end well like you are doing now.

[SilverCloud]

What you should think = Its not my fault.

 

He found someone new, you know what i feel , if this works out for him then yes it was probably my fault. I have been told by friends he is not a good man, and yet i feel if he can make it work with this new person then i definitely was at fault...but if he is a bad man then don’t you think he will some how sabotage that as well?

[deejay74]

yes, i keep wondering what i did wrong. i have tried really hard to find things wrong with my ex that would convince me she wasn't right but it's difficult with the exception of her dumping me and then treating me rather coldly afterwards.

 

during our relationship, we only had 1 real argument in the 6 months we were together. i really feel i was a great influence in her decision to break up with me. yes, i keep wondering what i did wrong, or was it my personality, my insecurities, the way i treated her (i was good to her, maybe too good), etc? she said she was too busy with school, work, etc. and she hardly had any time or money to do things with me and since she broke up with me, she's been telling me about the things she's been doing, with whom (she told me these things the few times i saw or spoke to her). and the last time i saw her she had bought herself and ipod, had dyed her hair, and had new clothes. i mean, this makes me think her reasons for being "too busy" were not entirely true. and where did she get the money to buy herself all these things? she never had that when we were going out? i don't get it. it just makes me think it was my fault for her breaking up with me.

[Nathalie1970]

Unless you guys were mass murderers or something worse, the breaking up is not your fault. It takes two to tango. You might love the ex with all your heart but you can't believe it's all your fault. They have some faults of their own so try to remember that.

 

You are good people worthy of love and kindness.

 

Cheer up and stay strong

[Diggitydave]

Sometimes someone with low self esteem can never accept it was not completely their fault. I speak from experience. Someone will spend months and all their time trying to rationalize, and re-live experiences trying to figure out that SOMEHOW it was their fault. This is a pointless battle. So even if you did somehow make it your fault, what do you do now, beat yourself up more? TRUST me, this makes no sense to do. You are hurt enough with a broken heart, no need to step on it some more. You are supposed to nurse your wounds and let them heal. If someone stabs you, don't stick paper clips into the wound and start blaming yourself for it.

 

Like Nathalie said, it takes two to tango, two to start it and two to end it.

 

ugh, saying all that was tough because I am speaking to myself too.