Advice on going to a gay club

[Prufrock06]

I've made plans in a couple days to hit one or two gay clubs with a few new friends of mine that I've made at school. We met through the GLBT organization on campus and in talking to this one guy, I mentioned that I had never been clubbing before and so he suggested that we go sometime when we were on Spring Break from school (which is this week). So he called me yesterday just to make some rough plans; he was even considerate enough to suggest not going to a particular club because it would be an overwhelming experience for someone who'd never been before. Anway, he seems really nice about it and very willing to show me how things work -- which I'm really thankful for. I think as of now the plan is to go with a few other friends (not sure if they are just his friends or mutual friends from school).

 

At the same time, (as maybe you can imagine), I'm a bit nervous about going. I'm also excited too, though I wish I could be 75 percent excited and 25 percent nervous instead of the other way around, LOL. Keep in mind that I've never been to a gay club before (or any kind of club for that matter), I've never really danced before (I mean, I guess I can dance if I had to, I just don't do it regularly) and I never really saw the gay club as my kind of scene, a scene where you can meet people...However, I feel like I at least need to go to see what the scene is like, just to experience it before coming to any kind of definite conclusion.

 

So I'm just looking for any advice or suggestions people might have on how to approach this whole thing, or things that people would suggest to me who've been clubbing before or who've done the whole gay club experience. I mean, I've set some guidelines for myself: I'm not going to go home with anyone, I'm not going to get drunk...but I also want to be comfortable and cool enough that I'm not just clinging to my friend like a wet blanket (which would be just as terrible for him as it would be for me). I got some new clothes the other day, and I must say I look pretty dang spiffy ...and I'm becoming more and more aware of the fact that there are guys out there who would find me attractive and worth socializing with, which gives me hope that this would be a more positive experience than I let on. But then I've also got these stereotypes running around in my mind as well, ie. everyone's already in their own clique, people are going to be unfriendly or drunk or just interested in hooking up, etc. -- stereotypes associated with clubs of both sexual orientations perhaps, and not just gay clubs. ](*,)

 

Anyway, are there some words of advice/support/encouragement/(maybe even discouragement)? In return I promise to keep you posted on my (mis)adventures.

 

Thanks!

[AwdreeHpburn]

Dude, Prufrock - I think you are going to have an awesome time!

 

Going out to a club or bar with friends while in school is what being 23 is all about.

 

I don't think it matters so much gay club or straight, they're all fun.

 

If it is your first experience though, I guarantee you won't be the only one there experiencing it for the first time. Most often, as you said, people are in their own worlds, hanging out with their friends, doing what they do and if they spot someone they like, have anxiety about how to approach, what to say etc.

 

I guess in a way, it is sort of like it is in the movies.

 

I think you should just plan on enjoying your friends, the scenery, take in the music, dance and just see where the night takes you.

 

But be sure and report back on your night out for those of us stuck at home with 2 year olds who wish ever so desparately to live vicariously through you...

[FoxLocke]

Please tell me how it goes! You are lucky...I have NO gay friends and aquaintances and I'm all fresh to it as well. I wish I could go with all of you...lol. I've just never been big on the club scene because I always feel like a fish out of water. Grant it, I've only been to a straight club and that could have been the main issue...However, I think it would be a bit nervous in a gay club at first. I think the key ingredient is that you are going in a group. So you won't feel all alone.

It's so hard though if you fancy someone in the club and both of you are scared to say anything...lol.

Good luck.

[Jinx]

I've never been to a gay club, so I can't give much advice in that regard. You seem to have things down well, setting regulations like that, excellent. Wish more people set personal guidelines like that, be better off in the end result.

 

I'd assume though, the key to that would be just trying to socialize with whomever looks approachable and not actively engaged in conversation. Just a general greeting to those single men that don't look like they're two sheets to the wind. I'm sure there will be others which have decided that gay clubs are for more than sex, drugs and alcohol and are looking for a relationship. Most of us here on this board have entertained the thought at one point, if we have I'm sure those actually attending have and followed through. It will just be extremely picky choosing though.

 

When you find a man to speak with, given the gay club, keep up with his wording and intentions, making it perfectly clear up front what you are there for without question. That way, it should to any reasonable person express that you're looking but not for the sex, drugs and alcohol that certain places are just ridden with straight or gay. If nothing else, you may make a few acquaintances there which will help ease the tension of the first time in a gay bar and allow the process to be more gradual, which is important to anything. Whether its a bar or business, you need the gradual stages of incorporating oneself or else it'll end up being a potentially awkward situation.

 

Anyhow, thats about all I can give. Take care of yourself, very best of luck, and let us know how everything goes. So many sets of eager ears.

[Prufrock06]

Thanks for the encouraging words!

 

So I ended up taking a trip out to a gay bar and a gay club last night. To make a long story short, I live near the D.C. area and so it's really easy for me to travel into the city. So I went with a friend of mine from college to Dupont Circle (the "gay district" of town) and we went to this gay bar first to meet up with a couple friends of his (who graduated from the same college that we attend now). Given that it was a Tuesday night, the atmosphere was probably a little less crowded than I imagine it being on the weekend. It was an interesting experience -- I essentially just got a drink and went up to the second floor with my friend where his friends were and we sat around and talked for an hour or so. In all honesty, it was really much like any other bar except all the people there were curiously gay I didn't really walk around or try and talk to anyone I didn't know; rather, I just hung around my friend and his friends and kind of soaked up the environment -- in a funny way, yesterday evening was 1 part fun and 1 part reconissance mission, haha.

 

Afterwards we went to a small club down the street, where they were having a Retro Night that consisted of 70s and 80s music. The way the club was set up was that on the ground floor is a nice classy little bar and lounge area and on the second floor is another bar and a (somewhat small) dance floor. So I danced with my friend for a while -- we actually freak danced at one point and I wonder if maybe he interpreted that as something more than what I thought of as just dancing (keep in mind, I'd never really danced before but was surprised to find it come naturally, in a sense) -- but all the time I had my eyes on everything around me (namely, all the guys, LOL!). The environment was a little overhwelming, but not so much that I couldn't enjoy myself. And so later at the bar, a guy introduces himself to me and we start talking, the three of us, only to find out he lives about 10 minutes away from me. So we made plans to get together and I'm actually going to meet him for coffee later this evening. The evening ended around two and my friend and I parted ways with our new acquaintance and went back.

 

So that's the essential narrative of my trip. As for my reactions:

 

I actually quite enjoyed the gay bar environment -- it was surprisingly much more low key than I would have imagined, the kind of place where you can go with some friends and just have a drink and talk quietly or shoot pool. I enjoyed it much more so than the club, although I didn't find the dance floor and all the guys too intimidating, haha. Of course, there were some stereotypes abounding, but that is to be expected -- then again, there was a whole range of guys there, from your standard A&F models to more average guys like myself. There were even some (gasp!) girls there as well! Haha Most of the crowd was around my age, early to mid twenties, which was nice.

 

At the same time, I don't think I could do this on a weekly basis and don't think I could go without the company of friends. I've made plans to go out again tomorrow, this time with a larger group of friends from college -- but I can't conceive of myself going right now by myself. In a way, I viewed it more as a social experience instead of a place to meet guys -- and I'm still hesitant about making this kind of environment my primary social scene. It would be a nice place to take a date but I can still think of so many better, less cliche places to go and have fun. That being said, I did enjoy myself and aside from some minor conflict (I worry that my "mentor" is annoyed with me because he really seemed to like me but I wasn't reciprocating his feelings because a) I think of him more as a friend and b) I was so absorbed by the entire atmosphere to even pay attention to him other than as a dance partner and friend) am looking forward to going again.

 

But yeah, that was my experience in a nutshell. Essentially, I liked the experience but would still much rather stick with social groups or Internet dating to find worthwhile guys -- and in a way, my positive experience at the club and meeting new people has helped to make me more confident about engaging in social situations with guys I'm kind of shy around.

 

I hope this rambling post made some kind of coherent sense. If anyone's got some specific questions, I'd be more than glad to try and answer them as best I can, from one club novice to another

[KIDD]

I wouldn't mind going to a gay club when I get out on my own. I don't know but I'm just not comfortable in these type of situations. I'm not a clubbing type person anyway, I'm more of a homebody. I like going places with people anyway... Reminds me that I need to get some gay friends in my area. Anyway Prufrock06, glad you had a great time1!!