How to help friend who's breaking up with BF ..

[AnDrewL]

Okay. Here's my situation.

I really like this girl. And I have done so for the past two years actually.. But the last two months or so, my feelings have been real strong. I think about her every day, and I really want to get closer to her. I want our friendship to grow. She knows that I have, or have had, feelings for her, but we agreed on trying to grow a friendship, and leave it at that. I'm actually fine with this. That's what I want. To get closer to her as friends. The situation is complicated anyhow..

 

We've been sending some emails and stuff, and we share our problems as well as our happiness. Yesterday, she told me that she and her boyfriend have some issues.. I'll explain what that's all about..

 

They are fighting all the time, because he really hates it that she has male friends. You're prolly thinking "what an idiot!" .. Well, that's what I said!

I guess the reason he isn't comfy about her seing her male friends, it because he knows that f.ex I am in love with her. And thereforeeeee he doesn't like that we spend time together. It's actually not only me, but another guy as well .. But anyway, that's one of the reasons they are fighting; and considering breaking up.

 

I have to write her back, and I'm doing so tonight.. So any replies I can get now, are appretiated. How do I act? What should I say? I know that you don't know the people involved, or the whole situation, but what do I do .. I wan't to help her, as a friend. And I don't really have any intentions as anything else then a friend. What to do to help? Stand back, and let them solve it themselves?

[foreverurz23]

well its truly seeable that her boyfriend has a problem trusting her and is a very jealous and he needs to grow up a lil bit. at least you have the thoughts that she deserves much better than that. if she wants to have her male friends, that is her discion. he cant be so controling, i dont know how she puts up with it, my man lets me have anyone i want to as a friend as long as they dont touch me after i tell them not to and they respect me! that is someone she needs, like you and i think that you can do that for her and tell her i said that!

 

anyone who doesnt respect you dont deserve you!

 

 

good luck

 

~foreverurz23~

[cookies]

well u pretty much got all the answers urself ther AndrewL...

 

You are in love with her, and she is in a relationship with another guy. The most reasonable thing to do is to have a bit respect for her relationship as a friend, and try to let her see that you genuinely care that things work out between them two...by staying away...as far away as you can. Its not helping their relationship in a healthy manner, by emailing back n forth, and by hanging out with her when its tearing them up., which may or may not be ur motives to see them apart...but in the end,...being a part of their breakup will turn around and BITE you hard...and u dont want that...

 

When we take the necessary steps to back off, it always seem that the forces of nature can take a turn that benefits us unexpectedly sumtimes. IF the relationship is doomed to end, then its time for them to let it go and move on, but its not cool or advisable for you to be any part of it whatsoever. if its meant to be, it will be,..but let it come to you when its time, dont be a part of anything negative that hurts another..regardless of how much u dont want to see him with her...she is his girl...

 

peace,

 

cookies

[AnDrewL]

Well.. I don't think that any of this was 'new' to me, but I wasn't really expecting anything new here. I know what to do, and what to say. Guess I just wanted it confirmed. Thanks ..

[AnDrewL]

Hang on.. Maby not. I'm a bit unshure after all.

I thought that I had it figured out. Allthough I explained the situation a bit wrong..

 

 

Okay:

 

The thing that I have feelings for her, is not of the issue at all. I don't 'want' them to break up. >All I want is to be there as a friend!

When she sent me the mail, telling me about the problems she and her boyfriend are having, she told me that she was going through some rough times, and I can see that .. It sounded like she needed a friend to be there. With a shoulder for her to lean on. Someone to talk to. I do NOT want to take any actions, or say or do anything to effect her decition in all of this. I just want to be there for her!

And I actually don't think that the best way to be there for her, is to turn away from what's happening.

 

So.. Any new thoughts?

[cookies]

well, ur quite welcome big guy..anytime... If things continue on the path its on, with his jealousy, it may end sooner than later,..then again, all theire relationship may need to succeed...is for some of her guy friends to simply back off... so they can grow...

 

in any event...she will have this certain...loving feeling 4 u deep inside her heart, being that you will basically step out of the picture..and i can almost guarantee that if and whenever time comes for it to be over between them...she will be dying to be held in ur arms sumday...

 

 

 

cookies

[cookies]

LOL...i posted a reply and didnt see there was a page "2" with this ^ response...ITs always good to be there for friends that are having problems like this, but you have got to figure out if by you being ther as that supportive friend with him KNOWING you are in love with his girl..what kind of additional damage are you actually causing between the two of them..thats what im talking about...

 

and in this instance...i dont know what to tell you, because altho you want to be there as a caring friend, your love for her is overshadowing what your decisions should be, as a friend versus a guy thats in love...

 

so do what u think is best...or just follow ur heart, which may not be in the best interest of her relationship with her man...she needs to communicate with him in order for it to work..or just let it go completely...

 

cookies

[AnDrewL]

Thanks..

 

I feel that the fact that that I'm in love with her, isn't relevant here. My feelings are a bit weird,; but I actually think I'm in love with her as a friend, in some crazy way.. All that I want is for her to be happy. And I can clearly see that she isn't happy with the way things are between the two of them. Well .. I'll figure it out! No problem.. Thanks for your help though! Appretiate it ..