Would you be upset?

[lovecrazy]

Last night, my boyfriend made plans for us, to go see one of his friends DJ at a club in Atl, GA. Well we didnt end up going because I was tired. This was his decision not to go. I offered because I didnt want to be the reason for him not to go. He told me that he didnt want to make me go since I was tired,

 

Well I just went to bed then, No problem.

 

Fast forward til tonight, he is talking to his friend the DJ, and his friend made a comment that you should have let the * * * * * * * * * (a bad word starting with a B) at home. And my boyfriend just laughed at it.

 

I find this disrespectful. Am I wrong for feeling that way?

 

He says I am overreacting, and not to take his friend serious.

 

Well joking or not I feel he shouldnt say that! And that my boyfriend should have at least said..."hey dude dont say that, it was my choice to say home."

 

Am I over reacting? as he feels I am!

[robowarrior]

His friend is a selfish * * * * *, who only cares about short term pleasures. I wouldn't waste my time on such narrow minded people to begin with.

[altosinger314]

I don't think you're overreacting. He let his friend disrespect you, and you should talk to him about it. It's a mild, but gradual accumulation of relationship violence. Don't let it escalate..

[lovecrazy]

Thank you...but he will not talk to me right now...he is upset with me.

 

Rather his friend was joking around I found it hurtful!

[lovecrazy]

Well he talked to me!

 

The converstaion was basically...he didnt care I was upset, he still believes I was over reacting.....and I said it hurt that he didnt defend me, or tell him not to say that! And he said that is just how he is! Regardless...say something....to your friend.

 

He said I will get over it! * * *?

 

I am sorry but it really hurts...that he wouldnt defend me!

[Boricua7]

He called you a b-word. Oh well, what can you do? You may be overreacting depending on many different factors (what you said, how you said it, how many times you said it...etc). The fact remains that your boyfriend should have said something to his DJ friend. He should not tolerate anyone disrespecting you like that, joking or not. My boyfriend's friend used to jokingly say hurtful things to me that I knew he meant but he would play it off like a joke and although my boyfriend thought he was sincerely kidding, he told his friend to cut it out. You need to talk to your boyfriend.

[lovecrazy]

No point in beating a dead horse, i have already spoken to him! And thanks for the advice....

[DN]

Your posts about your boyfriend seem to be a list of constant complaints about him - from what happened here, to his not calling you enough, etc.

 

I have to ask - do you love him? Because if you do, it seems to me that these complaints cannot help to make your relationship strong and are much more likely to bring it to a quick end.

 

Maybe you need to focus more on why you love him rather than the things he does that upset or irritate you. Alternatively, find someone who doesn't give you cause for so much complaint.

[Bethany]

I DO think you were over-reacting, the very fact he stayed at home FOR you tells me that he cares for you. If he didn't he WOULD have left the ***** at home!

Also I agree with DN, if you don't stop pick, pick, picking, you're gonna lose him.

[Mrocza]

I think your boyfriend did stay home with you because you were tired and that shows he cares.

 

However, he was in the wrong to not stand up for you to his ignorant friend. He may not think it is a big deal and laughed it off, but if it seriously bothered you, he should have known better. He's angry at you now...and I'd be careful because he might try using it against you (the fact that he stayed for you)

 

Just tell him you realize it was not him that called you a * * * * * but his reaction hurt you. That you thought he would alteast argue or defend you when someone was referring to you in a derogatory way. He should be able to accept that.

[DN]

I have to disagree with faerie16 which I something that doesn't happen too often. It is unwise to try to start a war between him and his friend. Don't forget that he broke plans with his friend because you were tired. Not ill - just tired. And his friend probably felt annoyed at that.

 

How would you feel if a girlfriend broke plans with you because her b/f was tired and didn't want to go? Probably a little put out? Maybe a little disrespected. Maybe that your friends b/f was trying to assert as to who was more important.

 

It is rarely a good idea to look like the sort of girlfriend who wants to separate her boyfriend from his friends, or at least engage in some sort of power struggle.

[lovecrazy]

Oh no i would never try and separate him and his friends! It was his idea to stay! I offered and he refused..But I think we got it worked out!

[Mrocza]

I have to disagree with faerie16 which I something that doesn't happen too often. It is unwise to try to start a war between him and his friend. Don't forget that he broke plans with his friend because you were tired. Not ill - just tired. And his friend probably felt annoyed at that.

 

How would you feel if a girlfriend broke plans with you because her b/f was tired and didn't want to go? Probably a little put out? Maybe a little disrespected. Maybe that your friends b/f was trying to assert as to who was more important.

 

It is rarely a good idea to look like the sort of girlfriend who wants to separate her boyfriend from his friends, or at least engage in some sort of power struggle.

 

 

Argh...you know...DN is right.

 

And I was wrong...which is something that doesn't happen often

 

I let it get personal...I would hate if one of my bf's friends called me a * * * * * because he stayed home to be with me, but he shouldn't start a huge war with his friend just because his friend is (rightfully) pissed off.

 

I mean, most guys who call their buddies whipped or note to the "ball and chain", or even go so far as to insulting you, the gf, are angry because their buddy choses their gf over them.

 

It's rude on his friends part and you don't have to acknowledge him, or even his comment if you want to be the bigger person, but you should appreciate your boyfriend because he didn't use it against you when you got mad.