Should I risk ruining a friendship?

[Howtobefreaky]

So I'm in a rather interesting predicament. It obviously has to do with a girl. This girl and I have been friends for about a year, but never anything more then talking on the internet or hanging out with the same group at lunch, so it's never gone too deeply. And I've always had a crush on her, but when we became friends, she was dating this guy, for quite some time. One of her ex-best friends told me that she had a crush on me when we first became friends though, so that's a good sign. Well since she was dating when we became friends, I kind of decided that it wouldn't work out (especially since all my friends seem to hate her), and when she and her boyfriend broke up, I was already dating a girl. Then when that ended, summer break was occurring, so I never even got to see her. Also, after summer, our conversations were usually started by me.

 

So flash forward to a few weeks ago. I was talking with her on AIM about this one girl I saw at the movie theater where I used to work, and that she was really pretty and stuff. She told me that she didn't like to talk about girls with me. When I asked her why, she said that it made her feel jealous (another good sign, I thought). Then I did something incredibly stupid, or so I thought at the time. I admitted my feelings. Not full on, but enough that she got the message. In my mind, it seemed much more...subtle. Anyways, I basically told her that she shouldn't be jealous, I had always thought she was beautiful, and that if I didn't think we were such good friends I'd ask her out. That last part was just not called for. Then after that I said that I felt like a huge dumb*** for saying that. She then replied that I shouldn't always second guess myself. I don't exaclty know what she was talking about. Either it was about how I thought she only thought of me as a friend, or how I felt I shouldn't have sent that. The latter one, probably.

 

So I basically thought this was the end of our friendship, but then something weird happened. After that, she started initiating all our AIM conversations. At first I thought it was probably because she didn't want it to feel awkward, since I probably wouldn't have IMed her, but she;s been doing it mostly every day since then. That was 3 weeks ago. Most people would quit that by now. And then a week after I told her that, I actually hung out with her and one of her friends outside of school, a first ever. Yes, she invited me to that.

 

Then last week we talked alot about movies, and she came up with an idea to have a movie night, between just us. I had previously thought of this, but decided not to mention it. I expanded on it, and usually with girls, if they come up with something and I expand on it (i.e. make concrete plans), then they'll forget about it afterwards. Not so with her. She has actually reminded me about it, like yesterday, when she wanted to know the exact details. Another good sign.

 

Also, she's dated most of the guys in our little group, and while that may not be the most respectable quality, it does mean I have a shot, as she doesn't seem to be picky.

 

Now I'm at a point where...where I don't know. I'm going to drive her back to her house tomorrow night, if I ask her out, I can do it there. The question is, are the points above enough for the chance she might not have banished me to the friendzone yet, or at least brought me out when I spoke my feelings? Should I say something? I really do value our friendship, and if asking her out damages it, I wouldn't want it. Then again, I've already admitted my feelings, which she took fine, and this is only a slight step above that. I don't know. Advice?

[NJRon]

She was telling you not to second guess yourself in the former.. not the latter.

 

She is giving all the signals... go for it.

 

Though, one caveat... it seems she isn't too picky, like you said. You look at that as a positive... I wouldn't necessarily. But hey, have fun.

 

Hold back on expressing your emotions a little though for now, until she starts being verbal with her signs...

[Dreng3333]

It seems to me that she is sending you that signals that she is interested. All the things that you have talked about her doing seem to lead to the conclusion that she has feelings for you.

 

I think that you need to think about the type of relationship you would have with her. Good? Great? Do you think it would be good enough that it is worth risking your friendship for? If the answer is yes then I would say that you should go for it and ask her out.

 

Good Luck.

[Howtobefreaky]

I don't really think it would ruin the friendship if we broke up, unless we were going out for a long time, in which case it is worth the risk. But if we lasted only a month or so, we'd probably still be pretty good friends.

 

And now that I think about it, if she turns me down tonight, then I really don't think the relationship will be ruined. I mean, she didn't seem to mind when I told her the other stuff, and this actually clears up feelings on both sides.

 

As for her dating all the other guys, that's about 5 guys in the course of 3 years, so its not that bad.

 

So yea, I've decided to ask her out tonight. I'll let you know how it goes.

[Howtobefreaky]

Okay...so it didn't go well. I asked her how she felt about me, and she said she didn't know. Then I said something I just SHOULDN'T have. I basically compared her to this other girl I used to be interested in who gave me the same answer (she knows about it). She really hates this girl, so she got mad. And that's basically how that ended.

 

Got home, got on AIM and she was there. I tried to clear stuff up, but it just didn't...go well, again. I feel that asking her wasn't the problem, it's just what came after it. Told her our friendship was more important then dating, told her that I shouldn't have compared her to that girl, told her that the i don't know answer was fine, but it's not like I'd be waiting around for her to make up her mind. We got into a minor argument before she went to bed. So now...now I just want to tell her that I'm sorry for everthing, that I handled everything wrongly and I shouldn't have brought anything up, and that I think our friendship is honestly more important then anything. But...now I feel it's too soon to do it now. I also feel that I shouldn't bring it up again, but right now there's bad feelings in the midst, and I'd like to get them cleared before school resumes, if that's at all possible. What should I do?