I have a really really stupid question please bear with me

[mystik]

hey...you just need to stop worrying so much. Guys can have many reasons as to why they don't ask you out - only one of those is because of looks.

 

And I've said it before, do you REALLY want to date someone who is not going to give you a chance because you're not pretty enough? I have that exact same fear, but...I really believe that I don't want someone who's like that, and you don't deserve someone like that.

 

You're not wrong about yourself, people don't lie to you for no reason. People don't get told every few weeks that they're beautiful by random people unless they are. Do you go up to 'ugly' friends of yours, or other ugly people and say "hey!! you're gorgeous!!" for no reason? no. you don't. why would anyone do that.

 

And the fact that you have to work extra hard for a guy because your looks aren't enough...well you'll just have to deal with that. Everyone else does! Not everyone looks like Kate Moss or Brad Pitt. Few of us do, and we all have to work for something we want. Nothing's going to be handed to you on a silver platter. You're not going to magically find a good looking, great, and smart boyfriend just because you're prettier than someone else. How would that be fair to everyone else? What's a little extra work? I'd rather have to show someone my personality is great, than have someone like me solely for my looks.

 

And we already went over the fact that being shy and not flirting will affect it no matter how pretty you are.

 

HOT GIRL : Unresponsive and looks depressed - doesnt get the guy

"UGLY" GIRL: Unresponsive and looks depressed - doesnt get the guy

 

HOT GIRL: Smiles, seems happy, confident - gets the guy

"UGLY" GIRL: Smiles, seems happy, confident - gets the guy

 

(not saying this always happens but you know what I mean)

 

Whatever you do, don't settle for anything less than you want. You deserve it, and will get it... but only if you really believe it.

[vesper]

why are you so paranoid about what other people are thinking....

 

... and if they are 'lying' to you...

[mystik]

and I wonder...how often do you choose not to give a guy a chance because he wasn't good looking enough? Before you even got to know him? Before you found out what he was like? It goes both ways....

[sweetheart230]

When I just wanted to hook up and have fun and not date then I placed a lot of emphasis on looks.

 

But now that I want something better and deeper, looks don't matter hardly at all. As long as there's some attraction and a good personality, that's all that matters to me. Other things are so much more important. My ex was handsome, and rich and tall... but treated me horribly so I know how superficial and unimportant these things are.

 

 

I guess you're right... my ex would have rejected a girl based on the way she looked and I definitely dont' want a guy like that ever again.

 

I guess maybe sometimes its easier to complain about how you might not be as pretty as you think instead of dealing with the real issues. Thanks for helping me out. I really appreciate your candor.

[sweetheart230]

why are you so paranoid about what other people are thinking....

 

... and if they are 'lying' to you...

 

good question. I don't know. I've been hurt a lot in the past... not just by this last guy.

 

Thing is, you could call me all kinds of names-- stupid, immature, childish, crazy-- (and was called all those things by my ex), and i wouldn't care. But for some reasons I'm really sensitive about the way I look. My friend was talking about how she thinks she didn't get a job cause she wasn't cute enough and I told her she was totally cute. When she didn't return the compliment, I freaked out. I didn't tell her that so she'd return the compliment, but shen she didn't I freaked and thougt I was ugly.

[mystik]

You're welcome.... Don't feel like you're alone and "strange" for feeling this way. We've all been there at some point or another...I definitely have, but a few good friends and some confidence has helped wonders. The important thing is to stay positive, believe you deserve everything you want, and be willing to work for it. Good luck

 

p/s people who are sensitive about their looks are usually that way because others made them feel insecure about it. Sometimes it's only othat one person, but it can very emotionally scarring. Just work on feeling confident, try to ignore those kind of people and you'll be alright.

[vesper]

sounds like you are trying to protect yourself from being hurt again...that is ok...its also ok to care about how you look...but seams like if I gave someone a compliment, I would leave it at that and not expect anything in return...share beauty secrets, take care of your skin, work out...etc..these are all positive healthy things.. take care = ) have to sleep now...