XxGabbyAbbxX Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 so me and my boyfriend of 7 months are deciding that we have come to a weird point in our relationship where my feelings arent as strong as his and taking a break was somethin we thought about but neither one of us knows exactly what that is. im at a dead end with this one i dont know what to tell him.... Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 Great question. When taken and used properly, the proverbial relationship "break" can really help the relationship. "Taking a break" the right way, in my opinion, involves setting a specific amount of time to be away from each other without contact. The two of you should decide ahead of time the details, like seeing other people or not, for example. It is a time to take a step back and as much as possible objectively analyze the relationship and your feelings. It takes a good bit of objectivity, perception, and honesty to really do this, for you may discover feelings during this time you may not want... Spend time with friends whose friendships you may have neglected by spending so much time with your significant other. Good friends will give it to you straight. Ask them what they think. Use this time for yourself. This is a break! Take it! You're free! How does it feel? See what it's like to be away from your significant other, but remember these feelings will be clouded somewhat by the inital separation and loss of closeness with this person. You have to weigh these feelings against the deeper feelings and what your intuition tells you about the relationship. It is also common to look at the person rather than the relationship. Two great people can get together and have a less-than-great relationship together. Focus on keeping the person and the relationship you have together separately. I don't think you should stay with someone just because they are wonderful. I know great people who are miserable together. Focus on the relationship and the fit you have together. A break is also good to unload harbored feelings. Are there little things that have been eating away at you and the relationship? Now is the time to straighten those things out and be ready (or not) to press forward. Link to comment
Tex1907 Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 Hi. Taking a break means that you don't contact one another for a week. I mean no phone calls and no seeing each other. During the week you reassess your feelings and ultimatly decide if you want to keep or let go of the relationship. Also dont think that this gives you the opportunity to meet someone new during your break because thats just plain mean. The whole reason why you are taking the break is to find out how you feel WITHOUT that person in your life. Essentially, this is testing how you would feel if that person was gone from your life for good. I have been here, except my X told me she wanted to take a break after 4 years of being together. During our so called break she began getting serious with some other guy 8 years older than her. Anyway, I basically had to figure things out for myself because she just said she wanted a break and refused to answer any of my phone calls. Hah the Ahole ended up leaving me a note telling me it was over after I called her so many times to find out what was going on. Eventually I got to talk to her in person and she told me the truth. That took 2 months though. Moral of the story. Dont do that....Hope this helps Link to comment
ocrob Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 It sounds like you are unsure of your feelings. I think taking a break could be a good thing. If you decide that you are no longer into him, then let him know after the time you take your break. I agree that you should not be with other men, but that may actually help you decide your feelings. Unfortunately new people seem awesome until you really get to know them. I think you should ask yourself what is missing? 7 months is not a long time, but it is enough to know how you feel. Do you no longer have feelings or are you bored? Relationships are a lot of work and the grass is always greener on the other side. Is there something he is not giving you? If so, would it make a difference if he did? You have not invested that much time, but I think you should give him a chance, unless the feelings are gone. Many years ago I felt this way about an ex and went four days till I couldn't live with out her. She had broken up with me and after two weeks we got back together. When I asked for the break, it took only four days to realize she was the one. I married her and although we got divorced, I can say she was amazing. We divorced over my inability to deal with her family. We divorced over circumstances, but I still loved her. He is either the right guy or not, but make sure to really think about things during your break. I would say two weeks is the longest you should go. This will be the worst two weeks of his life. Link to comment
AntiLove_SuperStar Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 Surely if you are reaching a point where you can comtemplate being without him for a long period of time that answers your own question ie, no, you don't have the same feelings any more? I dont know, I usually interpret *breaks* as *slow, polite breakup technique*. Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 Surely if you are reaching a point where you can comtemplate being without him for a long period of time that answers your own question ie, no, you don't have the same feelings any more? I dont know, I usually interpret *breaks* as *slow, polite breakup technique*. Good post. It is a very valid point-of-view... I think relationships can get very complicated and confusing. I have a couple of good friends who are married. A few years ago they took a "break" and now their marriage is more solid than it was before the break...they are truly happy together... Is this the norm? I don't know that...but...in my experience breaks can work...I've seen it... Link to comment
ocrob Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 I just thought of something that may not apply. I worked with a woman that told me she and her boyfriend took a six month break to make sure they should be together. They got married and last I know they were very happy. The main difference is that that still had feelings for each other and just wanted to make sure. It sounded odd to me, but it worked for them. It may have been a cultural thing because they were philipino, but I don't see how that would matter. She was so sweet and I met him and he was really nice as well. I can't imagine taking a six month break, but it worked for them. Link to comment
AntiLove_SuperStar Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 Probably a case of *its down to the individual*, then. Like so many things in life! Link to comment
Iceman26 Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 Surely if you are reaching a point where you can comtemplate being without him for a long period of time that answers your own question ie, no, you don't have the same feelings any more? I dont know, I usually interpret *breaks* as *slow, polite breakup technique*. I agree, and I would also add it as a chance to see where another relationship is going or to sleep with someone else guilt free. Link to comment
NJRon Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 I feel that a real break, for the benefit of the relationship, should not involve seeing other people at all. That just confuses the emotions and clouds judgement. The time should be spent thinking about what *you* want, outside of the bounds of the relationship you are currently in. Link to comment
XxGabbyAbbxX Posted February 23, 2006 Author Share Posted February 23, 2006 ah thanks everyone! that pretty much summed up the feelings i couldent exaclty gather and put into words and yall made it make sense! thank god. ha i think at this point we are just going to stay together and see how it goes but it almost makes me feel uncomfertable knowing that HE knows that my feelings have lessened.. i feel like now i cant sho affection towards him without confusing the poor boy! Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 i feel like now i cant sho affection towards him without confusing the poor boy! Well that's no good. If not a break, then perhaps have a serious talk about what's going on... 1 Link to comment
prozzack Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 this is a good thred to bad im to young to inout anything Link to comment
XxGabbyAbbxX Posted February 25, 2006 Author Share Posted February 25, 2006 okay so, we just broke up and i feel like a royal * * * * *. but its what was right and i think we both know that.. its just so hard because he still has extremely hard feelings for me and mine are almost completley gone. I asked him about staying friends and he said that would be weird for him. I see where hes coming from but at the same time i dont want him to be completley out of my life. its gonna be tough without him but i kno this was the right thing to do. . ...i think Link to comment
NJRon Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 Well, regardless, respect his feelings for not being able to be in your life. It can heal and later, maybe you will be friends. An ex of mine from college (that I lived with for 3 years) broke up with me and we were not in contact for years. I typically am not friends with exes. We started contacting each other years later and now we are pretty good friends and have no emotional baggage. Link to comment
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