Help!I'm married and older

[younger 22]

Hi everyone,

Nice to know tha I am not alone. I just want a bit of advise regarding my

confusing situation. I am 43 years old married and I feel that I am attracted to a 22 year old guy I meet last weekened. I would like some advise how to stop thinking about him and our times together. Because its driving me crasy and I'm losing my concentration.

 

I will start my studies next week, I have four subjects this semester and I needed to concentrate. I don't think he likes me, I think he just want a friend in my city because he's in the navy. He told me that he would see me again when he is in my city. He also sent me a text message saying that "he really enjoyed finally meeting me and would like to catch up again. I've never meet him before, I only spoke to him on the phone and we sent text messages regarding sending me the book to my home address. I thought that was the end of our connection, but out of the blue, he sent a text message to me saying that he will be in my Town for a few days and would like to meet me for lunch or do some things.

 

I was shocked, but I went along because I thought he just like someone to take him or show him around my area. We are both studying and this will be our final year and I don't think he will have time to see me again this year.

[younger 22]

It's better to have love and lost than never to have love at all"

[Jonah5678]

Younger22, you are being pretty vague. Do you have strong feelings for this guy? Do you love your husband? Are you unhappy with him?

[younger 22]

yeah, I think, sorry, I'm just confused right now. To tell you the truth, I'm not very happy with my husband, although I love him, I feel that my needs are not meet in our relationship.I fell that I'm the one who have to sacrifice a lot. I've been married for 15 years and I feel that I'm be gonna be stuck here.

[Bethany]

Sorry to say it but..... He's 22. He has a libido the size of his ship and you're a married woman who seems up for a good time when his ship comes in.. Be careful.

[ShySoul]

Be careful with the 22 year old. It may seem ok at the time, but there are reprecussions later.

 

I think the deeper issue is that you are unfulfilled in the marriage. There is a longing for something more, needs to be met. This 22 year old is like an escape, a way for those needs to be met. But it is risky and could lead to more hurt. Work things out with your huband, figure out where you stand. Tell him how unhappy you are and try to work on fixing the problems there. If you can't do that, then separate or divorce. It may be hard, but it is better then living in an unhappy marriage where you are tempted to cheat with a guy 20 years younger then you. Should you divorce, take some time on your own and make yourself happy, fulfill some of those needs that are not being met. As for the relationship needs, those will come in time.

[younger 22]

thanks guys, your opinions are great and spot on. What you said are the reasons why I wanted to forget him and get on with my usual life. I guess it will take time. Hopefully next week I'll be over with him. I just have to keep reasurring my self that ' this too will pass'.

 

I think I also need to accept that my feelings are real instead of trying to deny it. The more I tried to cast it out and deny it and telling myself that I'm crazy for having this feeling,the more it overcomes me. I guess I'm just rushing and wanting some instant cure.

 

Qoute: Love is more than just a euphoric feeling.

[brickchamp]

Younger, I know what you're going through. I am also unhappily married. In the beginning, my husband was sweet and had a good sense of humor, and he was cute. But he has changed so dramatically over our 9 year marriage. I was never passionately in love with him, but he was nice and "safe" when I met him, and I was on the rebound, with a broken heart. He hardly resembles the man I married in appearance or character anymore. He works all the time, and I think the stress of it changed him. He has a volatile temper, and we just can't get along. He spends no time with me, and when he does, it is usually spent arguing. Not to go on about myself, but I wanted to tell you I understand an unhappy marriage! When the younger man I have feelings for started to flirt with me, but ALSO acted interested in what I had to say, and in my feelings, it gave me an outlet. I was so unhappy at home, I started my own little "fantasy world" about this guy, because it was kind of a way to relieve stress. But as my feelings have grown for him, it actually causes me stress now. You say you are overcome by your feelings the more you try to deny them, and that is just like me! I feel like I can never be with this person, and that just makes me want him more, and it really hurts. He will be moving soon, and I wonder if that will finally be the end of it. I worry that it won't be, because even when I don't see him for a long period of time, he's on my mind constantly. YOU ARE NOT CRAZY! Sometimes I feel like I am too, but you are obviously not alone. It's happening to many of us here. I can't throw stones about you agreeing to meet with this man when he comes to town. At times, I deliberately run into my younger man, even though I know it could lead to problems. I never actually do anything though, because I get too nervous. I sometimes wonder if I would, if the situation presented itself. I don't think I could have an affair though. My dilemma is whether or not to stay in this marriage, not only because of my YM, but because I'm just not happy. Sounds like we are in the same boat. You feel stuck and so do I. But are we really, or can we do something about it? Sorry so long. Let us know what happens.

[younger 22]

Thank you so much for your emphaty. Thank you for telling me that I am not crazy at all and that I'm okey for feeling like this. I feel really supported now and most of the pressures lifted off. I'm not so worried now about my future and what will happen to me. I feel like whatever happens, happens and that just my destiny. I feel relieved when you said that you can't throw stones on me next time if I would see him. I'll just wait and see and I'll keep you posted and keep me posted too! Thanks heaps again!! Best wishes to us for our future.