feeling rough

[77streaks]

i can't get to sleep. tossing and turning and the bed is an inferno of questions and i feel empty, afraid and just so roughed up.

 

today, i had a farewell bbq for myself and this guy who's very keen on me was there. I felt even worse after talking to him, cos i felt so shallow. I know i just want to feel wanted, and i don't even really feel the pull or attraction. i loved my ex cos we could really talk, there was the sort of connection that i just miss so badly.

 

going away to study, and i will be alone. it ll be a great exciting experience, but now i feel gut wrenchingly lonely.

 

My ex called me tonight during the bbq, and i felt exuberant and liberated surrounded by my friends.

 

Silly thing tonight, i got home and checked my mail, i received this eerie mail with a fwd photo...my imagination chilled and in a double spin, i felt scared, and this triggered the most desperate bout of gutwrenching loneliness.

 

My ex was always there to make me feel safe, and now i'm alone again.

he's got a dodgy friendship, and is a liar, and i broke up with him twice and now i don't think its wise to get back together...yet sometimes i feel roughed up and tired. Maybe its this constant sense that i can't go forward or anywhere else with some i don't trust. I can't be with anyone new. I don't feel connected to other guys who have asked me out.

 

feeling needy and alone, and sleepless....

i miss that safe feeling. i feel so envious of my friends in stable long term rlnships, and i wish i had something like that. maybe my path is different, but i wish i didn't have to feel so dead sleepless and scared alone.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Streaks I'm sorry you're feeling badly.

 

I suppose this is a low that you can only come up from. Feel it but try not to let yourself wallow in it. You're probably going to be here a few more times, but keep posting. Writing down how you feel can sometimes be wonderfully therapeutic.

 

And there are many who are experiencing the same thing at the very same time. They can be of wonderful help too. You need to stay strong. If you make it thorugh this cocoon of hardship, the patterns on your wings will be so beautiful...