he does not divorce his ex!!

[latina07]

i've been with my boyfriend for 11 months. he is lovely and seems to love me. but he is still married, he separated from his wife 3 years ago. im 24, he's 30 we both have kids mine is 4 and his is 5. his is with his wife. i want to get married and he seems to be going very slow about that. he does not want a relationship with my son because he thinks it's too soon, i don't have one with his (eventhough we all four hung out once and went fine) because his ex and him agreed they have to meet the person first before letting the kid have a relationship with the person. i don't know his parents because he says it's too soon. he does know my whole family. we work together and everyone knows about us and how much we love each other. which i do feel he does love me. but i do not understand y he does not divorce her and y he does not make a move regarding us becoming more than boyfriend and girlfriend. please help im confused.

[RayKay]

Have you asked him why he has not divorced yet? I do think that after three years of seperation, they should of either reconciled or finalized it.

 

My guesses are along the lines of there are some fears about the "settlement" and the financial aspect, or he still has feelings (or she does).

 

Honestly, I do understand him not wanting to rush you into meeting his son, however given it has been almost a year, I also wonder if he is hesitating as he has some doubts about the long term prospects. Which is why he has not introduced you to anyone - are you sure he is really separated???!!!????!!!

 

You said you want to get married, but I guess the question here is does HE want to get married to you? It is still pretty early on, and given he is not even divorced yet, it won't be for quite a long while he is in a position to get married.

 

I would talk to him about it, and your concerns, but honestly, I am not so sure he is in any rush to get divorced or remarry at this point, and you need to decide whether you want to stay in the relationship knowing that, or move on.

[forever1476]

I was in the same situation. My boyfriend and his wife were on their second separation and she'd actually moved out and got her own place. They were separated for over a year before he and I started dating. I'd confronted him about filing for divorce a few times but he always had excuses like the kids medical plans, he didn't want his visitation to be affected, etc. It was a delicate topic for some time. He gradually started bringing me around his family and kids more...in fact, me and the ex attended the same family BBQ. Although it was a little tense, it showed me that he was ready to go public with our relationship. As soon as my boyfriend's ex found out that we were dating, she filed the papers for divorce and that was that.

Bottom line, when they're ready to really call it quits, they'll take the necessary steps to get the appropriate paperwork filed. You need to do some soul searching to see if this he's worth waiting for. The topic of meshing kids is difficult so before making the attempt to be brady bunch, you'll need to make sure that this is something BOTH of you want.

[TiredMan]

It's only 11 months tho. Not like you guys have been together for 11 years. I think it has to do with his kids more than her, or you. In the end, it's up to you but if you do love him, I would wait for him. It hasn't even been a year.

[latina07]

THANK YOU!!! HE IS REALLY SEPARATED, THEY BOTH HAVE SEPARATE PLACES, AND YOU'RE RIGHT MAYBE IT'S TOO EARLY TO GET MARRIED AND ALSO HE MIGHT NOT EVEN WANT TO MARRY ME. THIS IS SOMETHING IM OK WITH DEALING WITH IF HE WOULD JUST TELL ME HE DOES NOT WANT TO DO IT. BUT HE TELLS ME MAYBE IN THE FUTURE BUT NOT RIGHT NOW. IM A SINGLE YOUNG MOM. IT IS HORRIBLE. I FEEL VERY LONELY!! SUPER LONELY!!! HE KNOWS THIS, AND IT HURTS ME WHEN HE DOES NOT MAKE A MOVE. IVE GIVEN HIM MY ALL AND I GET NOTHING IN RETURN. HONESTLY IM FEELING VERY IMPATIENT. I REALLY APRECIATE UR ADVICE, THANK YOU!!!

[latina07]

Thank You For The Advice!! It Sounds Familiar, And I Really Do Hope That This Year Will Be The Year That I Come Around Family And Friends And Even His Son, Whom Is Adorable, I Loved Being Around Him The Only Chance I Got To. Cause If I Don't I Will Be Trying To Find Someone Else For Me. It Is Hard For Me, Im A Single Mother With No Family Suport And He Knows That. Im Just Trying To Find Someone That Will Love Me For Me And That I'll Love For Who He Is. That We'll Be Very Truthful And Confortable With Each Other. And Ofcourse Someone Who Is Not Scare To Want To Be With My Son And I For The Rest Of The Time That God Allows Us To. I Repeat Thank You For Replying.

[latina07]

I Understand Trust Me I Know It's Early But At Least He Can Bring Me Around His Family And Friends. I Love Him With All The Honesty There Is And Ive Parade Him Around With All My Family And Friends And Invited Him To Spend Sometime With Both Kids And He Said definitely Not!!! Come On Who Would Not Want A Girl That Would Really Want To Spend Time With Your Kid Instead Of Making You Feel Like He Is In The Way? If He Says He Loves Me Beyond Belief He Needs To Start Showing Me Cause I Don't See It. "tiredman" Im Pretty Good Woman. Im Not Bad Looking, Fun, Not A Jealouse Freak, Hard Worker, Responsible, Clean, Very Loving, Give My Man A Lot Of Surprises, Im Not Controling, I Give Space And I Do Not Cheat, Love Sports, I Have Few Friends, Cook, And Best Of All I Have A Great Heart. I Know For Sure I Deserve Someone Good That Will Make Me Happy. I Don't Want The Marriage Now, But I Do Want To Know If He Has Even Considered It Cause I Don't Want To Waste Any Of My Time. Thank You For Replying.