Off limits?

[bmwsv101]

I have a question for you all. I just recently got into a pretty big argument with one of my best guy friends over a girl (I know, it sounds ridiculous). Basically, she's the girl I described on here before, "Erin" and he just recently met her. Well, since their meeting, whenever the three of us hang out, he flirts with her in front of me while knowing that I had a crush on her. But last week was the straw that broke the camel's back. We were all studying again, and he actually stooped to reading her poetry aloud, then later on, after I had gone, he walked her home and talked about relationships and then went home and emailed her another sonnet that he had written. Could that be any more cliche?

Anyway, I brought it up to him that I thought his behavior was pretty inconsiderate and we got in this huge fight and didn't speak for almost a week. But today we met up and worked things out. This is due largely to the fact that in the future, the girls I like will hopefully be lesbians and thereforeeee have no interest in him, and that the girls he likes will hopefully be straight and have no interest in me. This is key because I still feel that Erin should have been off limits to him, at least while I was getting over her, and he feels that if he had really been pursuing her, that it would have been fine.

So my question to you all is what do you think about friends who date their friends' exes, crushes, etc? It seems most of the women I talk to think that a friend who does that deserves to no longer be your friend, while the men I hear from think that if your friend isn't involved, then it's fair game.

But what do you all think? And do you think this gender difference is just a coincidence might it actually mean something?

[ShySoul]

So my question to you all is what do you think about friends who date their friends' exes, crushes, etc? It seems most of the women I talk to think that a friend who does that deserves to no longer be your friend, while the men I hear from think that if your friend isn't involved, then it's fair game.

 

I think that anyone a friend is seeing or that you know they are interested in, is off limits. They should have the respect to let you resolve your feelings and situation, if you were there first.

 

In the case of an ex, if the breakup is recent, they shouldn't be pursuing the ex. If feelings develop over time, they should at least have the courtesty to talk with you about it first and see if it is ok. If you are not ok with it, they should respect that. It isn't worth losing a friendship over an attempt to pursue a girl, when the attempt may not even work out.

 

If a friend does that, I think you should talk to them and try to work something out. But if they don't seem sorry and don't understand they hurt you or violated an unwritten code, then it might be best to end the friendship.

[Jinx]

You know listening to this situation as it developed, it almost seems like he went for her as soon as you spoke of interest like it is a competition instead of actually wanting her, which maybe a more crude idea than just breaking the unspoken law of don't bother until things are at a silent balance again.

 

Really it doesn't seem like he is being considerate at all about the issue and isn't worth the time. I can understand where it would ruffle feathers, what if you were a guy and had said the same thing? Same basic idea there about the flirting. He should realize it is just going to end up causing problems and if she isn't straight after all he isn't going to get anything out of it, obviously he should realize you don't just pick women at random to pursue, of course he probably has the same idea of stereotypes as a lot of younger individuals do - If one is a lesbian, she lusts after every female so she'll have a new crush next week; if she were a lesbian the two would of already automatically connected; she just needs the right man and won't be a lesbian like the pursuer. The last is the worst in my opinion but probably some thoughts there.

 

I've been hit on by more than one man who is about bright as a twig in the backyard, I tell him I'm a lesbian because he hasn't got the ten PREVIOUS hints and he'll say something stupid like, "You just haven't found the perfect guy yet...like me." and apparently, these men just haven't got the right smack upside the back of the head yet to think so.