She broke no contact...

[Benny1077]

I was doing well with keeping up no contact and was actually feeling better. Then she called last night to "remind me" to forward her mail. I was half asleep, but one of the first things i asked her was to stop calling me. And she said "I thought you wanted to be friends". At one time I offered friendship when I was in a bad place and wanted her back. But it's only been like a month and a half since she broke up with me. I told her I was feeling better by not talking to her. People tell me that her offering friendship is just her way of making herself feel better about what she did to me. But why did she call? She's told me to forward her mail before. Is she checking up on me? Is she trying to set me up as a backup? I have no idea what's going on in her life and I really don't want to know, but I have a feeling her phone call caused me to take a small step backwards and I was doing so much better.

[ocrob]

I know exactly what you mean. It seems they just need to know that we still care about them. My ex just forwarded me an e-mail and I just did not understand why. I think they want us to contact them. I don't know if it is a control issue or they miss having our support. They don't want us, but they miss our friendship and having us want them. It sucks, but stay strong and it sounds like you are doing well.

[kellbell]

Hey Benny!

 

Good work on keeping up on the NC! She is calling you because you have taken her out of her comfortzone by not talking to her. She is worried about what you doing so the tables have turned a bit. Basic pyschology there. Forward her mail but when you do...put a form in the envelope that she can fill out to have future mail forwarded to her. You can get the form from the post office. Maybe put a sticky note on it and ask her to fill it out because her mail is no longer your responsibility.

 

I am pretty sure this is not the last you will hear from her because you took her out of her comfortzone. Just be prepared for that. You are doing great. Hang in there.

[CluelessGuy321]

Sounds like a control issue. Calling/contacting you just to throw it in your face. That's my cynical view anyways.

[MessedUp]

i know how u feel benny....my ex girlfriend messages me sometimes on msn..in fact she messaged me yesterday, and sometimes it opens up my hope cycle that she misses me and wants me back, but then i think she has a new bf, so thats probably not the case..i still cant push myself to block her..I just dont respond to the messages anymore because im hoping she can wonder why im not talking to her and maybe that will get her to think about me more..its a tough battle

[AwdreeHpburn]

Sorry dude. I too hope you stay strong. Giving her those messages as suggested with the mail forwarding form is a great idea.

 

I tihnk she is calling because you haven't called her and she is missing the attention she got from you previously.

 

I don't think she's calling you to hurt you or to be devious. She probably needs attention is some way and you are a safe fall-back. That doesn't mean you have to or should be there for her. She will only use you for that when she needs it not at all paying attention to what you need. Again, not because she's mean or a bad person, perhaps a bit selfish, but aren't we all are at times?

 

Stay strong but stay away.

[Benny1077]

Thanks guys! It makes me feel good (maybe in a vindictive way) that I have "turned the tables" so to speak. But so what, she hurt me, so if I could show her in any way that I'm not laying down and dying then it's good right? I just dread the next time she calls. If any of you had followed my previous posts, because of the mail situation her mother wanted to personally pick up some tickets that were mailed here. I talked to her Friday night and told her I would drop them in the mail because I was making such good progress and didn't want to move backwards by talking to her. I think I shocked her when I said that. But it worked!! It made me feel better and helped avoid a painful situation. Is it possible that her mother told her that I said that and she wanted to get information on why I was feeling better?

[kellbell]

Ok...so the tickets arrive at your house. Give them to her mother. But she did not mention anything about the tickets when your ex called last night did she? It's possible that your ex told her mother what you said it does not really matter at this point. Give the tickets and ask to have the rest of the mail be forward through the form from the post office. A very simple solution to a problem that gives excuses to break no contact. Which in turn can cause all of confusion and pain.

[Benny1077]

Do you think the fact that I told her to stop calling me will make her stop calling me? Because I'm not gonna call her. The thoughts of her are still there but it doesn't stop me from living my life, which is I guess as good as I can hope for at this point. The dreams I have at night kinda shake me up too. I'm always with her in the dreams but there's always another guy who she claims she's not interested in. I wish those would stop. I mean, she's not part of my life anymore so it shouldn't be bothering me wondering what she's doing. I can honestly say that if I cared about what she was doing enough, I would break NC or I would have asked her the other night when she called me. A minor victory right?

[friscodj]

And she said "I thought you wanted to be friends".

 

It's been my experience that anytime a woman wants to "be friends" immediately after a break-up is because they want to use you for their comfort in the way of not feeling loss, guilt, or face the reality of the situation. It means they don't feel strongly enough to have a relationship with you but still feel a little bit...

 

Stay strong man, stay strong...

[friscodj]

A minor victory right?

 

Yep. Keep taking the little steps like that, chipping away at it, and soon you'll have made your escape...