gratefulpain Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Hello everyone, Recently called it quits.. her choice after 2 years...i was distant for the last 6 months and not emotionaly there for her or physically. I felt controlled and trapped so i regressed. she decided to leave after a big fight and moved with her mom. we talked about the fight and she said she is dating so new guy. we have broken up before but always for just a day or 2. when she told me she was seeing someone else i was devestated and hurt. i kept playing scenarios in my head i bought her flowers i told her please dont do this... we cryed together and she said she loves me so much but perhaps she is not what i need and vice versa... i cant sleep cant eat ,,im at work for training so i cant call off work, im in torture... i want to cry, but im a man... i bargain with god to bring her back,,,sometimes i want to die.. sometimes i want to hurt her (not physically) for hurting me... i want to burn all the picutres and erase my mind of all memories...i hurt so bad and i dont know why..she called yesterday morning and said she loved and missed me.. so i was on cloud nine all day..i called her later and she said im going out with some friends... i was floored again... that means she dosent want to make it work since she going to keep seing this guy...please help me you guys are all i have....... my life sucks and i just want to crawl under a rock and waste away...im a screwup and dont deserve a girlfriend i guess Link to comment
musicguy Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 sorry to hear about your break up, it's going to be awhile before you get your strength back, the only thing that you can do is try to move on and hpefully find someone else or maybe she'll end up not liking this other guy and then go back to you, you just never know. In the meantime hang out with your friends and do some other stuff to get her off of your mind for a bit Link to comment
gratefulpain Posted January 31, 2006 Author Share Posted January 31, 2006 thankyou for writing.. im doing the NC for the first time today,, usually she text's me but i turned my phone off and i wantto turn it on and look for a message... my stomach hurts all i do is drink coffee, i want her to pull in the driveway and say il ove you im back.... im torturing myself.... sorry for rambling im afraid and i dont know why... Link to comment
NJRon Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 All normal emotions. You might think of switching to decaf during this time too... caffeine greatly enhances anxiety. Link to comment
musicguy Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 well, you can turn your phone on ya know. You are still have the affects of the break-up. (if you can just delete her texts) Link to comment
healinginnyc81 Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 hey grateful pain, hang in there. I'm so sorry. I know you feel like you have no hope of ever being happy and you probably feel like life is pointless, but believe me, you will get through this. Many of the people on this site have been through similar feelings, check out some of the other posts on here to see what I mean, and they are doing better now - You can too. It's torture, especially having to work through the pain. I came so close to breaking down the first week after the breakup when I was working. I hope you'll believe that this anxiety and depression will ease up. Keep fighting through it, you will come out of this. Keep posting and just hang in there. Link to comment
gratefulpain Posted January 31, 2006 Author Share Posted January 31, 2006 hey grateful pain, hang in there. I'm so sorry. I know you feel like you have no hope of ever being happy and you probably feel like life is pointless, but believe me, you will get through this. Many of the people on this site have been through similar feelings, check out some of the other posts on here to see what I mean, and they are doing better now - You can too. It's torture, especially having to work through the pain. I came so close to breaking down the first week after the breakup when I was working. I hope you'll believe that this anxiety and depression will ease up. Keep fighting through it, you will come out of this. Keep posting and just hang in there. Thank-you your reply helped me atlest for the moment.... I have moments of being ok then it seems to come flooding in... i try to say a silent prayer or i keep refreshing this screen and reading other posts... its all very raw right now.. i actually dont want anyone else i just want my girl back....i thought this would be easier than it is.... i feel like a pansie If there are no dogs in heaven,,, then when I die I want to go where they went. (author unknown) Link to comment
lulu04 Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Hi gratefulpain, I know what you are feeling right now & I know that it is difficult. (that's an understatement) One thing I noticed in your posts is that you seem like you feel like it's not ok to cry -- it is, and you should. You have to let yourself feel the worst of the emotions in order to heal at all. There are some other good threads on here about sitting with your feelings & just feeling them all -- you will feel better after a good cry, I always do, even though I hate that I am still crying so much over this. I noticed in the post you wrote to me that you pray & have faith -- it's good to have faith in something higher at times like these, so hang onto that and let it be a source of strength and positivity for you. THat is something that is definitely lacking for me, so I envy that faith & I know it can do wonders. Again, I will go along with the NC supporters -- it has only continued to drag out my pain to have contact with the ex. It really does make healing so much more difficult. I have been back through the process a thousand times because I have had contact with him throughout the last 6 months & he has really played me over & over again. Probably because I'm letting him, you know? Like you said, it's also a question of self-esteem. If you are ready, I say start NC right away. I'll be thinking of you. Link to comment
gratefulpain Posted January 31, 2006 Author Share Posted January 31, 2006 thank-you lulu.... i feel a sense of hope from this place... she wants me to help her do her taxes wednesday.... i was planning to clean the whole house make a wonderful dinner wear a nice outfit some cologne and hope she'd say ive been stupid i want you forever... but i suspect she will say thanks for helping me with my taxes by the way can you throw my dresser and bed in your truck and follow me home i'm gonna need it to hump my new boyfriend...... I am going to follow the NC and text msg her to let me know when she wont be home so I can put the stuff on her porch (nicely of course) Link to comment
lulu04 Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Exactly right. I know it is so hard to resist the urge to see them if you have an opportunity -- obviously, I am not the best at this. However, it seems odd that she would expect you, of all people, to help her with her taxes right now -- with ANYthing, for that matter! I think yes, be civil of course, but there is no need to be doing her special favors. Why doesn't her new bf help her? I was doing my best back when we had no contact. I felt stronger each day and less attached to the situation. It's very hard to stick to, esp. with all of the technology we have TO contact each other with....but you can do it if you really want to. Link to comment
gratefulpain Posted January 31, 2006 Author Share Posted January 31, 2006 i know lulu.. i fear if i help her or she's over my house i will either get mad steam about her having relations with some fly by night two days after our 2 year relationship... or ill break down and cry.. or a bit of both... i just cant put myself through that.. this is my first day of NC and i dont want to take 3 steps back by having her over... plus the gut wrenching sound of her car driving away... she wants to be friends... I am soooo not ready for anything like that... im freakin hurt!!! you can keep your damn friendship offer!!! sorry i think i just vented Link to comment
gratefulpain Posted February 1, 2006 Author Share Posted February 1, 2006 hello... I wish there was an emegency number to call when youre on your way to drop off belongings... Thats what I had to do today.. I swore NC but she needs her dresser etc.. and I didnt want her calling crabbin about her stuff... I shouldnt have but i stayed in my work clothes and put on some cologne. She went balistic asking if I was going on a date... said some mean things and bascially tried to get on the phone with her new guy as I was bringing her stuff in the house.... I stayed the course said hello to her mom dropped off everything... as I lumbered that big dresser on her porch I still heard her on the phone... so i left it on the porch and drove away... I figure hell let whatever the f^&* his name is to come over and help you with it.... Dont mean to ramble but jsut typing this helps me view myself out of context....so now its back to NC..... NC and having her stuff would have appeared childish. I love her still i wanted to hold her and cry and fall apart... No... I met her a Man I will remain a man... she cant see my ulcer anyway Link to comment
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