i am at the end of my rope...

[syntonik]

hi. i am new to this area. i need some advice...but above all, someone to listen to me.

 

i've been living with my girlfriend now for almost 2 years, and have dated her for almost 4. we've had our fair share of ups and downs as most couples do, and we've managed to work through them all.

 

i have made my fair share of white lies, big and small, as she has. but for the duration of our relationship, she has had this increasing problem of distrust. i don't understand why, either. we spend almost all of our time together outside of work. but she has this thing where she thinks i'm always "looking" at other women when she knows damn well that i've pledged my allegiance to her. she should have no reason to think i'm being unfaithful.

 

as time went on, this jealousy and possessiveness has gone overboard. she simply will not let me talk with women friends either from work, places we go, or even women i used to be i high school with! if they are anywhere near my age, she automatically thinks i'm going to flirt with them or whatever, and that couldn't be farther from the truth.

 

well, a recent event took place where she found out i was talking to her ex-friend (i guess something happened between them and they aren't friends anymore). no, i didn't tell her i was, because i knew she wouldn't let me anyway. i have no affection for her friend, and she was there to listen to my problems. i didn't expect advice, and i certainly didn't expect it to be such an unnerving problem for my g/f. i did lie, and i admit that that wasn't exactly smart...but sheesh, it was just a friend!

 

she made it clear that i could talk to all the guy friends i wanted to, but i couldn't talk to any girl friends. none at all. now, to me, that's a bit extreme. moreso, she expects me to drop my friend (her ex-friend) and take her side because of whatever happened between them. i know what happened, and my g/f was pretty mch the cause of it because of her insecurity.

 

i love my g/f to death, but i can't live like this. i just don't know what to do.

 

thanks for any advice.

[secret_agent_man]

No, you can't live like this. No one should. A few things to look at first.

 

Recently, have either of you done anything to cause the other to lose trust more?

 

Have you really discussed this deeply, and told her you can't live like this?

 

If so, did it help things any?

 

Try to follow up on these to give us a better understanding...

 

As far as my first question, I mean that mostly for you. Has she done anyhthing that makes her doubt herself more, and in turn, doubt you more?

 

I hope you can sort this out, it sounds like you really care.

 

S.A.M.

[syntonik]

I've done nothing. I interact with women at work, but that's my job. We've already had an argument about that. There was a time I found out she was sharing some information with some strange guy in her class (she's in college) about our relationship and how she felt about me. I was disturbed about that....well, have been. It's kinda stuck on me....but I let it go.

 

I've told her that I can't live like this...and, of course, that becomes an argument in where she says for the relationship to work, we both have to trust each other. Ironic, huh.

 

She's always had this bad self-esteem (the ol' "i'm fat" i"m ugly"...which she's not since many a man has cast an eye on her...that doesn't make me jealous...makes me proud )....so she doubts herself a lot and pins it on me, saying that she's scared I'm going to go look for something better., which is ridiculous in itself since i've been with her now for almost 4 years.

 

Right now, we are on eggshells from a big argument yesterday evening over a lie i had made to her. i admit it wasn't bright, but it was a lie over a screen name i had been using that she didn't know about. i talked to one of her ex-friends behind her back about our problems, and she was there to simply listen. you see, she practically monitored my other screen name so she could see who i was talking to in case a friend logged on, and she already made it clear that she didn't like me talking to friends...male or female, but particularly female. so, i felt smothered by this. i don't like to be secretive about it, but trying to talk sense into her was futile and only fueled more arguments, and i didn't exactly want to suddenly drop all contact from my friends i had made long before she and i ever got together. am i wrong for being like this?

 

i mean, she went behind my back to share personal information with some total stranger in one of her classes...hell, she was even flirting with him from what i could tell by her emails!

 

*sigh*

this could get long, but it best explains the whole situation. long before she and i ever hooked up, i used to go into this nasty strip club with a bunch of guys i used to hang out with. it was a once-a-year deal aroud thanksgiving (why that holiday, i'm not sure), and i was the shy one, not really wanting to go, but didn't want to be the butt of endless jokes, either. the ol' peer pressure got me. well, anyway, she and i started talking, and i've never stepped foot in there again...don't intend to, either. i tell her that it was basically peer pressure and not wanting to be a target for jokes and insults that led me in there. i admitted to her that i did get a lap dance, but didn't enjoy it. i put on an act just so i could get out of there. that is the truth, but she won't believe any of it. never has, either. she constantly harps on that anytime there is an argument. she harps on ex-girlfriends all the time, too. i try to tell her that all of that is in the past and that she should concentrate on what she has now. of course, that doesn't do any good.

 

she just will not let my past go. i came clean (though the lap dance admittance did take some time) about it and now i undergo this guilt trip about it anytime we get into a disagreement about something.

 

also, i went to my best friend's wedding about a year before she and i became steady. i danced with his sister (of which i had a crush on while in high school....but that was eons ago...it's since passed) and another girl. and you know what? she comes into my office and chastises me over it because i didn't tell her. SHE NEVER ASKED! it seems as if the second person i danced with worked in the same university i did, and in an area my g/f was in (financial aid). so i currently undergo ridicule for that event that took place before we were a couple.

 

i hope this clears up why i can't go on like this anymore. three years of being chastised about past events, as well being told who i can and cannot talk to has now reached its pinnacle.

 

and it was reached because she has become virtually paranoid. she's constantly calling me at work, asking me all these questions about what meeting i was in, who was in it, who i sat next to, ages of the people i assisted, and so forth. really...my work is none of her business. i shared notes one time with a co-worker on issues regarding the area i work in....and WOW, that set her off!! so, you see what i mean?

 

i tried and tried and tried some more to get her to see the light that she is the one i'm with, not anyone else. i waited and waited for her to realize this and loosen her grip on me...but it never happened. i almost walked out a couple times, but when she promised change, it ended for the worse.

 

everyone around us sees what she is doing and everyone hates it. they've interjected a couple times, and, of course, she pretty much forces me to side with her. my friends rarely want to spend time with me because of her, and now her own friends are not wanting to spend time because of her attitude.

 

and when i say worse, i mean it's WORSE. i can't go anywhere by myself anymore. anywhere i go, she has to be there. i think the worst was when i needed to make a check deposit via the ATM. she wanted to come with me, and drag her 3 yr. old daughter with her! it was like, "load up the car, he's going to the ATM!" i told her that that was just stupid...wrong thing to say. a big argument erupted.

 

so, you see why i've labeled this "i'm at the end of my rope"...because i am. trying to explain anything to her just does not work. but everytime i muster up the courage to break it off, i break down when i see her crying and practically begging me to come back.

 

i am utterly confused. i do love her, but do i need to just get away?

 

thank you so much for your advice. sorry my response ended up being a novel....but i needed to get it off my chest. thanks.

[secret_agent_man]

Do not apologize for the long post, it is necessary to fully understand. It sounds like you are a pretty typical boyfriend to me (I mean that in a good way ). You've made minor mistakes, but that's part of life and relationships. It's necessary to grow with eachother. Her insecurities won't let those things pass, and that is VERY unhealthy as you have seen. Just know that (unless there's something major you're not telling me) this is NOT your fault. I don't even know what I would do in this case, but it sounds like a case of therapy to me. Insecurity in relationships can be caused by depression or a whole other slew of problems. In my unprofessional opinion, it sounds like she's depressed. Try a marriage councellor, psychologist or psychiatrist. It sounds like it's way beyond your control, and that's nothing to be ashamed of. We all need help from others some times!

 

That's my best suggestion, and if she refuses, you may have to force her to make that decision no one wants to make...

 

Sorry I don't have an easy way, but I'm sure you weren't expecting that anyway...

 

Good luck, I hope you two can work through this... keep us up to date!

 

 

S.A.M.

[coldplay8]

reading what you've written made me feel smothered myself. your situation is way beyond normal. a strip club a couple times, sharing notes at work, a dance at a wedding?!? these are nothing as far as i'm concerned. and i am a slightly demanding g-friend.

 

i was in something similar myself a while ago. it's a miserable way to live. and it won't last. eventually you will get driven to the point where you can not take it anymore.

 

it stems obviously from extreme insecurity. but holding you back will never guarantee you won't stray. it's really sad that more people can't recognize that. love & trust will keep someone more than control.

 

well, i wasn't allowed to go anywhere by myself either. i once walked away for a second to the other side of a car and talked to a male friend and a huge fight later errupted. i then woke up one day and realized how truly ridiculous the whole thing was. that isn't love. that is torture.

 

i broke up with him, this issue was one of the reasons. we separated. he went away, broke down, but then came out of it all realizing he was strong enough on his own. he has totally changed and now is actually great to be around. he now recognizes how crazy it all really was and apologized.

 

the problem isn't with you, it's with her. until she changes, there is little you can do to stop what is happening.

[syntonik]

Thanks for the advice, everyone. It certainly helps a lot!

 

Yeah, secret_agent, it ain't easy by any means. I don't expect to find an easy way out of this, or an easy fix.

 

I just don't think any kind of therapy is going to work. i hate to be this way, but perhaps an end to this is what she needs to make her realize what kind of pressure she put on me, and maybe if there is another in her life, that she won't make the same mistake she made with me.

 

coldplay:

 

Thanks for your advice. It makes it easier to hear it from someone who used to be in the same situation and how they got out of it, or fixed things.

 

Believe me, you're not the only who thinks she's gone a little overboard with this insecurity and distrust.

 

It looks like I've made my decision already.

[jimbucktwo1776]

DUMP HER. She's obviously a controlling manipulative person who doesn't trust you because of her own deficiencies-what ever they may be. And it will only GET WORSE OVER TIME. Dump her. Or just talk to as many girls as you want, and be honest with her about it. That will put the ball in her court, and she'll have to make the decision to trust you or leave.

 

 

That's a good idea.

 

 

Jimbucktwo1776

 

 

That's that.

[syntonik]

we had a really long talk last night. i admitted to her that i did lie a lot, but mostly over small things that seemed irrelevant to the relationship. she is still hurt over the fact i talked to her ex-friend on AIM, which i can sort of understand, but still can't seem to understand why it's such a major issue since both of us told her we haven't done a thing other than talk online.

 

apparently, she wants to go to some couselor of sorts to "save the relationship." but i don't know. it's beyond saving if you ask me. i haven't come out and told her yet, as confusion sets in. i still love her, but will she ever trust me again? i told her that i didn't think that was possible.

 

we both even brought up the option of splitting up, but then she retorted and said that she wanted to save it. so, what in the world???

 

right now...i'm down to the point where i want to leave, but just can't find the strength to say it. seeing her hurt, crying, as well as her daughter rips me up inside and i always give in.

 

pretty wimpy, huh.

[secret_agent_man]

I'm glad you had a heart to heart about it. It needs to happen. I know you don't think she'll trust you, but SHE's the one that wants to go to a counsellor. That means she wants to get over this. It's a brave thing to admit to someone that you can't do something alone. It means she wants to choose for this to work, and that's respectable. I'm not you, so I can't make a decision for you, but know that it really is up to you now. She's given you a great option, and if you still want this to work, you should probably give it a shot. At least you'll know for sure that way.

 

But a situation like this is tough, I know. You've gotta do what you've gotta do, but know you might not get this much effort from her ever again.

 

Good luck, and keep us informed.

S.A.M.

[syntonik]

I know what you're saying S.A.M, I really do. Your advice, as well as all the others who have replied to this thread, has been extraordinarily helpful to me.

 

I know she chose to see a counselor about the situation. But she has asked me to do some pretty tall tasks in the meantime.

 

I haven't exactly told the whole story, but I have been monitoring her as well, because she hasn't been exactly truthful to me as much as she claims to be. I recall her sending an email to her ex while she was on a trip to Arizona to see a friend stating that she still loved him no matter what, that he was her soulmate, blah blah blah blah, while our relationship was just starting. I knew something was up because I was up late working on a Web project and needed to download something...when I power up my computer, AIM automatically pops up, too...and I saw her name on there...and it was almost 3:00 in the morning...and it stayed on there till about 4:00. I knew what her password was, and decided to prove to myself that I was just being paranoid over nothing. Imagine my surprise when I saw that email.

 

So, yeah, I didn't tell her that until a few days ago because I felt like I was being betrayed. I smack myself for not confronting her about it. I knew I should've, but at that time, I told myself that she would eventually change. There were many problems with her ex for a long period time. There are still problems, but things have simmered down. I did monitor him because I wanted to see if he was planning anything to maybe hurt her or even me. This involved many AIM screen names being monitored without her knowing....because for some reason, mainly based on that email she sent to him, I had this inkling of a thought that something might still be going on between them despite our growing relationship.

 

I never told her this because I wanted to see for myself whether or not I can trust her. I don't think I can because of she did with this fellow named "ken" in her class. I have the emails and they tell the whole story. Yet, she claimed to me that he was giving her "fatherly" advice, as she put it. Mm-hm. You don't ask for fatherly advice by saying "if Jason and I were split up, would you maybe want to get to know me better?"

 

Even to the point of asking for a phone number to "chat about the details" and asking him to meet for lunch sometime. I don't think I'd ever be invited to that.

 

Anyway, she wants me to now email her friend (the one i was talking to behind her back about some problems because she was uncomfortable with me even talking to her anyway...her there or not) and basically tell her that since my g/f and her are no longer friends, that we can't be friends anymore and that I should never talk to her again. To "tell her both sides of the story" she says...even though her friend knew both sides, because I told her about the emails in the first place, and the fact that I was monitoring both her and her ex.

 

Not only her ex-friend, but now she wants me to tell my best friend that, too! My best friend from the time we were in diapers!! Now tell me that ain't crazy!

 

I know she gave the option to save the relationship, but to sit there and tell me what I should tell my friends something to make it appear like I'm the one being the infidel is an option I'm not willing to consider.

 

Sure, it's fair to let them know both sides of the story so they can make a fair judgement if they want to, but they already do. She doesn't believe me, obviously, and thinks I'm just making her out to be this bad person and all. MANY people don't even know *one* side of the story and have asked my parents why I tolerate being treated rather harshly.

 

To tell you the truth, S.A.M., I don't want to go on with this "counseling" crap. I know what I need to do, but I can't seem to get over that last hump.

 

You see, she knows she's losing me, and will make any effort to get me to come back. But once I'm back, things go okay for a few weeks, but then it's back to the same old distrust and hounding me over who I talked to, how old they were, who I emailed, what I looked at at work...crap like that. And the hounding only gets worse with each round.

 

*sigh* why me?

[coldplay8]

if you know in your heart what you want to do, then there is really nothing stopping you from doing it.

 

i know where you are. it's very hard. it's hard to hurt someone you care about. but you have to take a step back and see that while you feel trapped, its up to you to make a change if you want it. time isn't gonna make it any easier.

 

if she wants to try to work things out with you on an equal ground, then she definitely shouldn't be giving you ultimatums. it seems neither of you trust each other. and it doesn't seem she is trustworthy. honestly, it seems to me that she is trying to cover her bases. keeping all these guys in line just in case. it doesn't appear to me that she is completely dedicated to you.

 

i say- do what YOU feel you need to do.

[Genesis]

Advice for the future never talk to anyone about your relationship problems, if you are having problems the person you need to be talking to is the person you are having the problem with.

 

You are a liar which makes this girl have reason to not trust you even white lies are still lies, breaking down her trust for you bit by bit.

 

I must admit your Gf may have low self esteem, but it is a rule of thumb that you must support your partner and if they are on the down and outs with someone you should not become buddy buddy with them.

 

Put yourself in her shoes how would you feel if she were friends with someone who you could not stand. You know this is wrong or you would not have to sneak around to talk to this girl!

[syntonik]

Okay, I'll ne nice about this, Genesis, but you have never met this woman. I have admitted that I have lied to her. I know this through and through and don't need to have to said back to me.

 

The point I am trying to make is that much of this was in the past...and I mean LONG before she and I were a couple, and though I have come clean about it, it sticks with her and she uses this to make me feel like shit if we are in an argument.

 

The fact is, she is an incomprehnsibly jealous individual. ANY girl, whether it be someone I went to high school with, or even work with, she gets unbelievably upset and automatically assumes I'm either flirting with that person, or thinks they're more attractive than she is.

 

And I laugh at yout last sentence because you obviously didn't read the post where I talked about her emailing and talking with some stranger about our relationship problems, as well as being overly flirtatious with him. In retrospect, I *WAS* in her shoes. This kind of thing happened way before I began speaking with her friend, which, I admit, wasn't the smart thing to do. I know this.

 

You can't possibly fathom the amount of support I give her. Christ, if I didn't, then why in the world would we still be together after 3 years?? I *constantly* complement her on her attire, her looks, her everything, and yet, she still seems to think I'm just blowing flowery rhetoric up her butt.

 

I agree that I need to go to her first if there's a potential problem to be addressed. I know this, and we have talked about that. It's tough, though, when you begin to address the problem, but get interrupted by past events that happened long before we were a couple and you never get to address the problem.

 

If we are to go to the person to discuss problems with, which is correct in its own right, then what is the purpose of this forum, then? Why therapists and so forth? People sometimes go to others to get a different persective on the actual problem and sometimes come away with a better way to address it than originally planned.

 

I know what I did was wrong. I have admitted this to her and we had a long heart-to-heart about it. What I *DON'T* like is people like you harping on me on past events I have come clean about and feels like they should not be an intrical part of our relationship when these took place long before we even began talking to one another, and then says I am a liar. Yes, I have lied. But tell me...who hasn't?

 

She constantly reminds me she is honest. And then I find out that she's been flirting with some guy in her night class at college, and has been telling him about our problems BEFORE, mind you, I ever began talking to her friend about our problems. Did she ever tell me? Only when I asked about it. And this was almost 3 months after I found the email.

 

I am no longer "buddy buddy" with her friend. But, I expect the same in return. I am on the "down and outs" with her best friend because of some of the shit she's said about me, but has that stopped her from being friends? No way. She has no plans, either. So, does that make her right? I would hope not. What's good for the goose is good for the gander, you might say.

 

Advice for the future, Genesis, don't jump the gun one side of the story and blame the male.

[Genesis]

Syntonik,

 

I feel that I did not jump the gun at all, no I do not know the entire story. Is your girlfriend holding a double standard against you yes, but I still feel that same way about my last post. The only thing I regret saying to you is put yourself in her shoes because, I had only skimmed through your post, then later I saw what you wrote about her bad behavior also, sorry about that. If you were offended by me calling you a liar, I am sorry. I know however, that when someone lies to you many times, you DO begin to loose trust in them. I know that now you try to make a habit of being honest, which is great!! If you explained yourself, then your GF should not bring up things in the past B/C that only makes matters worse. ( You are right about that.) I also think your GF does have a few self esteem issues, but many woman do , so that is not new.

 

I think you and HER are wrong however for discussing your private and personal business with others. This is the reason why. I do not know if you have religion in you life , but for me, I am a Christian who follows the advice given in the Bible. Well the Bible tells people to not discuss their relationship matters with other people because it puts a strain on the marriage covenant. Which basically means that by telling people your business you are opening yourself up for an outsider to "step" into you marriage or (relationship). The Bible states that husband and wife should forsake all others even their PARENTS and cleave to one another. When you are married your relationship to your spouse is a higher priority than your relationship to your parents and anyone else. Even if we seek advice about our marriage from our parents, it may affect the relationship for good or for bad. The parents should allow the couple to solve their own problems.

 

I know this applies to marriages, but I think dating is a preparation for marriage, and if you fail at dating you might also fail or make the same mistakes in your marriage. When you or your girlfriend talk about private matters to someone else you are asking for trouble! Your "female friend" or her "male friend" can be saying anything to break the two of you up! My pastor preached a sermon on coveting other peoples husbands and wifes, and he said "You can not judge someone only by what you see , when they are acting at their best behavior!" You are judging your girlfriends worst against this other girls best which is not fair(the same goes for her too). thereforeeeee this makes her feel like this other guy is better for her, when he may not be he is just charming her and making you look bad to benefit him. If your GF's "friend" tells her that you are a liar and he can treat her much better than you, then you know he is lying about you and just trying to make you look bad so he can "STEP IN" and date her. The same goes for you too and your "friend", it all starts out so innocent, then it turns into a affair!

 

It is ok to have friends of the opposite sex, but it goes over the line when you spend more time with them than you do your SO and you start talking about things you should only discuss with your GF. This is called Emotional Cheating>

 

The bible has a answer for all of your problems

1. Forsake others so you can have a successful marriage

2. Forgive- Your GF should forgive you and not bring up old stuff.

3. The truth will set you free- Lying damages relationships and weakens trust.

 

The point is it is ok to talk to a Therapist or to strangers online for GENERAL advice b/c more than likely, we will have no effect on what happens in your relationship, but these other people can effect it. If you go around talking about your relationship to your friends, parents, and GF or BF stealers, you do not know what their intentions are? My grandparents did not like my mother at first but their opionion of her changed, they grew to love her!

 

I hope I did not hurt your feelings but just know that even if your relationship with this girl does not work out, you will open up the door to infidelity by exposing all of your personal matters. Why do people cheat b/c they got to close to someone and told all their business. The other women always has the advantage, she only points out the negative things about your girlfriend to benefit herself into getting you one day! Since most people do not know about the secrete friendship or, that they are being cheated on how can they defend themeselves against the seducers attack, they can't!

[syntonik]

Genesis,

 

I appeciate the advice, and I appreciate the rebuttal of calling me a liar and so forth. But what I'm going through now has gone way past the need of a therapist and now to who is going to walk out the door.

 

We've had our talks about trusting one another, lies, and each other's past. I've come clean about it, as said in previous posts, but it still doesn't help anything. Any kind of disagreement we have, she instinctly decides to bring up a sour subject of my past...like the strip club I went to WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY before she and I ever became a couple. Every stinkin' time!

 

After two times I tried to leave, she vowed to change and to trust me more and let the past be the past since I told her everything. Those vows ended up being lies because now she is worse than ever.

 

Now, she's become so insecure, she thinks everyone is talking bad about her! She's losing friends right and left because of this, and is now making me lose my friends because she "speaks her mind" to them on the assumption that they are talking bad about her!

 

Recently, I was at a local bowling alley with her daughter. I'm an avid bowler, and this was a league I was substituting in. Anyway, I get back to the house, then she returns from class. I told here that I was at the bowling alley because she had tried to call. Did she say OK and leave it at that? No. Did she ask if I bowled well? No. Her first question was..."Did so-and-so's sister show up?" Taken aback, I told her I didn't know...and that point, I was already a little pissed at that. And then, it goes to, "Well, wasn't she or not?" Which pretty much meant that no matter what answer I would give her, she would think that I was "looking" for her. So I said, "I guess not. I don't know." Because, really, I *didn't* know. I wasn't there to look for someone, I was there to bowl.

 

And I'll bet you know what happened next.....yup. She asked me if I was looking for her because I said "I guess not." And we end up in another argument.

 

i am fed up with all this, and yet, I can't seem to find the strength to tell her to get out. We've lived together now for 2 years, and I just cannot find the spine to tell her that it's over.

 

I know that when you know it's over, the words come out rather easy. So, I don't know if it is time or not. I know I cannot live like this any longer...and yet my own spineless personality gets the best of me everytime.

 

What in the hell should I do????

 

I'm about ready to blow my head off and be done with it....

[Genesis]

Please do not blow your head off!! She is not worth that.

 

I do agree with you,her being insecure can really do SOO much damage to a relationship. I really do not think there is anything you can do but to 1. break up. 2. move out but stay together 3. Give yourself some space.

 

If she is that moody if you had a break from her maybe that would teach her a lesson. I would say give yourself a break up or at least a month break from her. That is what my ex and I did and it helped us a lot. It gave me time to see where I was hurting the relationship and it gave him time to see what he was doing wrong too.

 

She thinks you are soo whipped that she can act any kind of way, well prove her wrong. Tell her that you love her dearly but these accusations have to stop. Tell her you have no interest in "whats her name" and never did. During the break make it a point to not talk to "whats her name" so if you do get back together she can not say , "well you broke up with me so you could be with her!" Tell her you love her and only her, but you can not live with all this stress anymore. Tell her if she is willing to try so are you.

 

The best thing to do is, if your lease is up in a couple of months move out! Get your own place, if she is not your wife then she should not have that much control over you. The reason she acts that way is b/c you are playing house together and you have a little girl in the home , so that makes the game really REAL!!!! I say never live with someone if you are not married to them. TRUST ME I KNOW FROM EXPERIENCE! You start to treat the guy like he is your husband when he is not. My mother told be to never play house!

 

Just ask for a break. and see what she says.

[LorenaLee]

wow in a way i kinda feel like your gf. Well from my perspective I would just believe that maybe you have done something to make her not secure. Do you make it a point to talk about her highly and let people and women know that you are happily taken? That is just how I would think you could improve things. She also could be depressed too so maybe that isnt helping. I can act the same way sometimes just try to put yourself in her shoes. Hearing about the strip club the lap dance and the exfriend thing...makes me think that has EXACTLY happened to me. So those few things could definitely fuel her jealousy. If you didn't tell her the truth about some things what else are you hiding? You know? Get on my AOL (if you can) without getting in trouble....boardgirl987 I would love to talk to you or her...