how am i supposed to get a job if im so pathetic!!

[second_opinion]

hey everyone!

 

I need help... im broke and im looking for a job, I have no confidence, i know heaps of jobs that are great for me but i feel that i ant cope or give the bosses what they need.... im lacking self-confidence. I cant speak up and i get embrassed when i ask people to reapet questions for me... I need some help guys.

 

Im sooo shy, when people compliment me i dont know how to react and i blush all the time!!!!

 

Please help me, i want to get over this NOW!!!

 

thanks you

[theantibarbie23]

hey everyone!

 

i know heaps of jobs that are great for me but i feel that i ant cope or give the bosses what they need

 

I don't quite understand this, do you feel these particular jobs are right for you or are too stressful and thereforeeee not?

[shyanne]

becoming more confident, especially for a shy person can be very hard. being shy is a lot harder then most people think. people who aren't shy never understand what a shy person really goes through. they don't even understand what shyness is all about and tend to consider shy people as snobs.when in fact, you would love to be able to speak up and join into a conversation but can't seem to do it.... my oldest daughter is unbelievable shy. ..i won't have to worry about her talking or going off with a stranger but it hurts when i see her unable to be herself in front of other kids. as an adult it keeps you from doing things that you really want to do and being the real you is hard..

 

i've been doing a lot of reading about shyness trying to help my daughter now so she'll be more confident as an adult. shy people are very fearful and anxious that other people will criticize them. in fact, they will go to any extreme to avoid a social gathering at which they might be stared at and in their mind, evaluated negatively. they are intimidated by every stranger they come accross. they avoid eye contact with nearly everyone and feel that they will embarrass themselves if they do anything at all in public. blushing and getting embarrassed easily is just one of the problems that goes along with being shy.

 

maybe it would help if you took some courses...here is a few suggestions

 

social skills training.........simulated exposures to feared stimuli.

communication training........assertiveness training and thoughts/attributions/self-concept restructuring.

 

there is also shyness clinics. i've heard of these clinics in the U S so maybe, depending on where you live....you may find something similar. maybe ask your doctor. other then this, i can only suggest that you try your hardest to force yourself to speak up and remember that other people are no better then you. they also don't think as much of you as you think. most people will think that you just don't like them when in fact, your just shy. i feel for you and i hope that you can over come this some...

 

i wish you all the best. good luck

[ShySoul]

Nice advice from shyanne.

 

Being shy isn't easy. It's made expecially hard from non shy people who don't fully understand what it is like. Hearing that you just have to go in there and be confident doesn't address the worries and fears shy people have. I'm like you second_opinion, don't like to speak up much and blush at compliments. It's taken a lot of time to become completely comfortable with myself.

 

First thing is to not feel like you are any different or worse off because you are like this. Don't think that you have to be just like the outgoing and extroverted people. That will lead you to trying to be someone you are not, and either you will feel fake for being like that, or you will not be able to keep it going because it isn't you. Instead, concentrate on being you. Confidence comes from within. It comes from focusing on what is good about you, not on what you lack or perceive yourself to lack. If you have a skill or talent, embrace yourself in it. Odds are you wil feel happier and better about yourself when you do it. Then keep reminding yourself of those skills. Believe in yourself and the good parts about you. Know that deep down you are a great person, and ignore those who put you down or try to get you to change.

 

On the jobs, interviews are scary. They are scary for everyone, especially shy people. Practice, practice, practice. Talk in front of a mirror, in front of stuffed animals, in front of someone you trust and are comfortable with. Just practice. Do your research and get an idea of what kind of questions you will be asked. Rehearse your answers so that you have what you plan to say down. Have a few stories that demonstrate your top qualities. Then when you go into the interview, you are likely to hear something that you have prepared for and be being prepared, you will feel more confident. And if you hear a question you weren't prepared for, don't get flustered. It's ok to ask them to repeat or clarify. It's ok to take a few seconds to think about it. That can be good as it shows you think before you speak, that you are trying to understand what is being asked so you can give the best answer. Also know that you have the skills for the job. If you have all the skills, there is nothing to be worried about. You just need to believe in yourself. I know its hard, I've struggled with the same issues. But you can do it.

[theantibarbie23]

This is going to sounds silly but it's always worked for me. Last time I was doing interviews it was brutal for me. I suffer from two different anxiety disorders and interviews make me nearly go into full blown panic sometimes.

 

My significant other told me to keep repeating this phrase (which he got from a movie) before and during the interviews and I actually was able to psyche myself into appearing more confident and cool.

[arwen]

Hey there,

 

I recognize a lot in what you are writing. I am not shy per se, but I am very very conscious of myself all the time. Today, a great-looking job that I just started, was ended abruptly for me. I was, in their eyes, not able to cope with the stress. It was a job where people would look on your screen while I was working, which really annoyed me and made me nervous.

 

I think you should consider taking a job that you know you can handle. I hope a job agency can offer you at least a temporary job, so you can rebuild your confidence. You DO have a lot to offer. I have noticed that for us, the more silent types, it's more difficult, ShySoul is right. It's difficult when you feel over-shouted, over-shadowed by people who appear more confident. You will learn that it's exactly the loud 'confident' people who are covering a lot of insecurities. It's better to be aware of insecurities and consciously bend them to confidence, than hiding them under a mask of confidence and bossiness, that's what I think.

 

In a lot of offices, the louder people are literally the people with the biggest voice. So maybe we shouldn't work in these offices. I am looking for a job where I can work in silence, and I believe it's still there waiting for me. You are not worthless, and you can let no one make you believe that about yourself.

 

I think you should make a list of the kind of jobs that you feel are suited for you. Because if an agency sends you to some very big company where you'd just drown in the mass, you will probably feel even worse. Look for small companies, maybe even a local shop with just a few people working there. Just to get you started...

 

I hope things will work out for the best, keep me posted,

 

 

Ilse

[LotusFlower]

find your gifts and your strengths and look at it as if you are interviewing the job, not that the job is interviewing you. Interview at the jobs that are less interesting first for practice...and challenge yourself, make a game out of it. try to ask as many questions as possible and speak slowly, loud and clear. And practice telling people what is good about you, like..."I would be an asset because not only I'm reliable, a self starter, and blah blah blah... =) Good luck

[ratherbesailing]

Find a public speaking course at a local school.