Moving in together, BUT.....

[Capolla]

Well this is my first post and I need advice. A year and half ago I moved out of the apartment that I shared with my now ex-fi. While we lived together he refused to work and I paid for everything. I eventually went bankrupt and left him. Which was the best decision I have made in my life so far.

 

So fast-forward to now. I am now dating someone new who is in one word, perfect. I know that I have a future with him. A couple of weeks ago we talked about moving in together. My first problem is that I am somewhat gun-shy about living together after my last experience. Any advice on getting past these jitters?

My second concern is that I have yet to be completely honest with him about my financial past. Not that I was lying to him, but I just haven't initiated that conversation yet as it seemed irrelevant until now. My question is would someone's financial past be a dealbreaker for you, and how should I handle talking to him about this?

 

Thank you in advance for any help and advice you are able to give.

[Ms Omaniac]

my current bf is going through financial problems. he told me after dating him for a few weeks. im still with him also. but he knows and i know he has to fix his debt. and the fact he is trying so hard is one of the reasons im still around.

be honest. if they truly care about you...they are with you through thick or thin.

[RayKay]

Don't rush things. If you don't feel ready to live together, don't do it until you are. It sounds like you would not have been dating very long anyway, correct? Especially not if you are calling him "perfect" The jitters might also just be signals you are not ready or warning signs...how long HAVE you been together?

 

And yes...if you do take further steps, you do need to discuss the financial past. Because that will effect things in the future...like buying houses and so forth for example. Finances are one of the biggest conflicts couples have, so it's better to make sure you are both on the same wavelength and communicate about it.

 

I would just stress how it happened, and how far you have come since then, and that it is not a place you are going to go back too. It's nothing to be ashamed of, many people have been there. And you left the situation and are doing best you can.

[NR498E]

I womens finacial situation wouldnt be a deal breaker for me as long as she's doing something about it.

 

As far as being gun shy about moving in together I would be too.After my breakup Ive decided Im never living with a gf again unless were engaged.Goodluck.

[Capolla]

We have been dating for 6 months, and of course he's not actually "perfect" he has his flaws as I do, but to rephrase it, we are serious and I can see myself with this guy in the future.

[ratherbesailing]

Capolla -

 

My girlfriend had to file bankrupcy a few years back before we dated and she was embarrased to tell me but I think she wanted to let me know. I really haven't thought twice about it since she told me. I might be a little hesitant to tie the knot legally until it clears from her credit report but we are taking the long slow route anyhow.

 

As far as your concerns about moving in together, why not just write down your financial expectations on a piece of paper before hand. Let him know that you don't think he's anything like your ex but that you want to budget your money and make sure there aren't any misunderstandings. Be a little flexible and ask him what his expectations are.

 

It should work out fine. Try not to worry.

[Iceman26]

We have been dating for 6 months, and of course he's not actually "perfect" he has his flaws as I do, but to rephrase it, we are serious and I can see myself with this guy in the future.

 

I'd give it another year, and if things are still going great, then move in with the guy. You guys are still in the honeymoon stage of your relationship, and there is no harm in waiting.

[G xx]

if you feel ready for this big a commitment and you are not juming in feet first then you should be honest with your boyfriend ! the longer you wait the harder it will be !

i have been in a similar position and he will find out in the end anyway so its best he finds out before you get to getting your mortgage he will a)know what hes getting into and b)respect you and feel special that you could trust him with such a sensitive and personal problem.

hope you sort things out xxxxxxxxxxx