need help!

[The door mat]

Some of you have read my last story about me and my ex of 5 years. We just started " seeing each other " again whatever that means... I know he still loves me and enjoys being with me but I guess he does not want to be tied down right now. I dont know if hes seeing anyone else or not. But he cals me almost every day. I wont call him i wait for him to call me and ask me if I want to hang out, But i dont want him to think that everytime we hang out im going to go to his house and we are going to sleep together. I want to be available but not too avaliable. I want for us to do things together besides toing to his house but i dont know what to do with out making it sound like im trying to get him to do on a date and seem like we are back together. any ideas?? Also how should a girl go about being availabe to the one she loves but also make him relize thats shes not going to wait around for him forever. make him miss me a little.Please Help I need good advice......

[Boricua7]

Wow. It's like reading one of my own posts! The best thing you can do is not answer everytime he calls and not hang out with him every opportunity you get. Give him the "I've already made plans, maybe next time" every once in awhile. Don't just say it though, ACTUALLY MAKE PLANS! Show him he is not the priority. When you date someone you break plans with other people to spend time with your partner. Don't do this anymore because you are not dating! This may very well throw him off because he is used to you putting things off for him.

[RayKay]

I would tell him you are NOT going to sleep with him until you do have something exlcusive again with him. For a couple reasons:

 

1) you don't know if he is sleeping with others

2) it ensures if he sees you, and continues to see you, it's for more than sex

3) it allows you to keep some self respect and also be more objective yourself.

 

I would not be available for him everytime he calls, go out and stay busy. Start moving on, that is the best way to show him you are not going to wait around. Set a timeline...if in a month, there is no sign of commitment from him, end it.

 

You should also find out what "seeing each other" means...from your explanation it sounds like "booty call" if you are not even going on regular dates.

 

I don't know, when people love us and want to be with us, they don't say that being with you feels like they are "tied down"...so I would maybe ask yourself why he feels that way, and if that's what you want your partner to think of you. Sounds to me like the classic "I love you but am not in love with you but want to keep you around just in case anyway since I don't actually want someone ELSE to have you either".

[Itsok]

Completely agree with RayKay. Don't be available for sex...why would he bother having a relationship with you when he can be single and still have sex? Sounds like every man's dream!

 

It sounds like he is playing you to be honest. He doesn't want to give up the sex but is looking for someone else on the side.

[curlygirl47]

My ex has sexual problems --- as in, he can't sustain an erection very long. I know it's embarrasing and frustrating, but I've always acted like it didn't matter, and it really didn't in the long run because I still wanted to be with him and I still liked the sexual intimacy (there are other things we can do). I am 99% sure that this same problem will happen with other women. The problem is not arousal; this guy is ready to go whenever I want to, but nearly always there is a problem with the bottom line. He takes Viagra occasionally (he had this medicine before I came along; I found an old prescription), and I really didn't see much difference when he has taken it with me. The only time he really kept it going on was once when he did a line of cocaine. Sad, I know. Anyway, my point is, he says sex with me is the best he's ever had (his words: "I don't care if you tell everybody I said that because it's true. This sex is incredible). He was also in love with me, but then he got scared because he said we were going too fast, and he basically shut down on me. I'm trying to do the NO CONTACT thing, but he has called me twice in the middle of the night, and I suspect he wants sex. He's seeing other people, and probably having sex with them, but I don't know that for sure. I'm just kind having out of control jealousy feelings right now; I have no facts. Now, is a guy who has sexual problems going to want to expose those problems to several women???? When he has a good woman who adores him???? He is very attracted to me and I to him. Not to say that I am all that, but we are both attractive people, and I know it's not his lack of attraction to me. He also says I am the most compatible woman he has ever had in his life, and if he wanted to commit right now, he would commit to me. Whatever. I'm venting, and thanks for listening.